DAY 1
MY Industrial Training (IT) is in Cyberjaya itself, at P2I Online. It's a US based company with a workforce of about 60 plus people. We are known as P2I KL, the Malaysian branch of this international company.
Today, work started at 9am. All the trainees, 11 of us, were placed in a room, something like a conference room. I had the feeling that the make-shift conference-looking room was going to be the 'office' for the 11 of us, for the next 15 weeks. Well, it is so. Good news is, each of us will be getting our own personal pcs, shipped in all the way from the US. And, I can just imagine the scenario of our 'office'; 11 pcs all side by side, somewhat like a cybercafe, with 11 people in it, in a tiny place. But it looks pretty decent to me:)
The thing is, we might have to work shifts. The 2 slots offered for trainees are the 9am-6pm and the 11am-8pm shifts. So, not all 11 will be in the 'office' at the same time. I kinda feel segregated from the rest of the company. The permanent workers are in another part of the building, just beside our 'office'. They each have a cubicle.
Basically, we sat for an hour till someone came and attended to us. We didn't really know each other much, but the small talk kinda broke the ice for most of us. Now I'm really motivated to learn up mandarin. All the chinese trainees were conversing in mandarin. I had to pick up bits and pieces here and there.
For today, there were only 5 available pcs. We were given a short briefig about what the company does and some of the rules and regulations of the company. After that, we were left alone again. Then in came one of the Team Leader who pride himself with wanting to 'make our life miserable'. But he was just the opposite:P He gave a briefing of what was to be done...something like a crash course. And told us to go off for lunch. We were all hungry and talking about lunch way before lunch time. hehe. Guess this will be a typical scenario.
Like most owrking people in Cyberjaya, we found ourselves having lunch at the bus-station...also known as the 'terminal', as I just found out. Anyways, 10 of us trainees ate together. I bumped into a few other trainees from other companies. It was a weird sight.
After lunch, we were left alone again....for a long time. I had time to surf and chat till I was bored. And when I was on the verge of sleeping, in came out Team Leader and he carried on with the other part of our work. By then ,I was dozing off. Everything seems to be a blur. On a normal day, I would probably skip class to go sleep. But I can't skip work. So there I was, in and out of reality for a bit. We had a countdown from 4pm. Work ended at 6. While we waited, a guy came to the company's lobby and started unloading boxes upon boxes of Dell Pcs. I saw, 'Box 1 of 11'. There were 11 new pcs shipped in all the way from Bethlehem, USA to Cyberjaya, Selangor. I hope that those 11 new pcs are for each one of us:)
Again we were left alone. Doing nothing. At 5, the TL came in again and talk some more. I was eyeing the clock till it was 6pm. Felt like a skool kid again, waiting at the door, ready to rush out of class....just for that moment when the bell rang.
Pros and cons of this company:
Pros:
-Starts late, at 9am.Sometimes, 11am. Therefore, can sleep in a but more and have breakfast before work.
-10 mins drive from home.
-5 days a week.
-A decent allowance.
-Friends I know working with me
-Flexible lunch time.
-Easy work.
-Own personal pc.
Cons:
-Work full 15 weeks. Will have 3 days of rest before I enter 3rd trimester, while some have 3 weeks off....nearly a month of holidays before they start classes.
-My off days are during mid-week. Therefore, while the majority of the world is having weekends to rest....I'll be working. So I can't chill out with the rest of my friends. and that sucks.
-In a month, I only get one weekend off, due to the rotating shift system. This will allow me to church only once a month:( and this sucks even more:( The timing is such that I can rush to church but still not make it back for work:( or work will end too late. It sucks not being able to go to church:(( Suddenly, I feel my right to go to church has been taken from me!
That's about it for now. Been jogging the past 2 days. Gotta build up my stamina:)
Tomorrow is a brand new day:)
Enjoys!
:)
Monday, October 17, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Someone's been there huh?
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it oepns up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-neil gaiman-
-neil gaiman-
Writing my Life's opus
Just watched Mr. Holland's Opus. It's a pretty old movie, but not that old. Maybe around the mid 90's. ( Wow! I feel old...I could actually say that line...'in the 90's'). I have watched this movie before back then. Somehow, this movie wasn't so popular. Not many people watched it. I've been looking for it but not able to find it. I found the dvd stashed somewhere in my sister's movie collection. Boy, was I surprised. So I popped it in the player...just what I needed.
The first time I watched it, I loved it. I can't remember the details....as time went on, I slowly forgot the details of the movie, but all I could remember was that it was an inspiring movie and it inspired me alot. The kind of movie that speaks close to the heart and ends with you feeling motivated and inspired to do something with your life. In this movie, it revolves around music. A man and his music.
If you have watched Music Of The Heart...it's something like that. But I don't remember much of it also. The blur images of Susan Sarandon and violins and kids and music. That's about it.
Anyways, this is a review of the movie I managed to find on the internet.
Author: bppihl from Normal, Illinois
I remember seeing "Mr. Holland's Opus" for the first time in high school. I liked it then, and still do. Films about teaching often involve tough kids and less than ideal teachers, among other things. I have to say this film is an exception. Mr. Holland is an inspiration in so many ways that he does not realize or even want to acknowledge. It is also a story that could have taken place and that some people can relate to. This is why I enjoyed it so much.
Mr. Holland has a dream of composing a very memorable and moving symphony, and to ultimately be "rich and famous." But working odd jobs in pursuit of his dream doesn't appeal to him. Reluctantly, he takes a day job as a high school music teacher to support the family and at first hates it. His students are not motivated to learn through readings and tests, and do not respond well to the music of Bach. When he finds they love rock and roll, he integrates this into the curriculum, much of the disapproval of the administration, who believe "rock and roll by its very nature leads to a breakdown in discipline." He teaches and mentors many students over the years, from a clarinet student who doubts her talent and feels inferior to her musically talented family, to a wrestler who becomes a drummer, and a talented singer with her eye on him who wants to go to Broadway despite any barriers. Whether or not he knows it, Mr. Holland inspires them to do something worthwhile.
Despite his love and talent for teaching, Mr. Holland cannot develop this same level of rapport and love with his wife Iris and son Cole, who is deaf. His desire for Cole to appreciate music is outweighed by Cole's inability to hear and his father's reluctance to help him. Cole learns sign language from his teachers and mother predominantly. Mr. Holland appears to be the kind of person who detests imperfection of any kind, and this strains his familial relationships. Gradually, though, he learns to accept and deal with these challenges, and becomes more loving and appreciative.
I recommend "Mr. Holland's Opus" for musicians, singers, music teachers, and really everyone. Enjoy the show!
And while watching it, there were some memorable quotes, at least to me.
Glenn Holland: Which instrument do you think you'd like to play?
Louis Russ: Well, I was kinda thinkin' like... How about electric guitar?
Glenn Holland: Well, this is a marching band. The extension cord will kill us.
Principal Jacobs: A teacher has two jobs; fill young minds with knowledge, yes, but more important, give those minds a compass so that that knowledge doesn't go to waste.
Vice Principal Wolters: I care about these kids just as much as you do. And if I'm forced to choose between Mozart and reading and writing and long division, I choose long division.
Glenn Holland: Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want, Gene. Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about.
Mr. Glenn Holland: The day they cut the football budget in this state, that will be the end of Western Civilization as we know it!
Louis Russ: Tubas are for fat guys with pimples.
Glenn Holland: Play the sunset.
Iris Holland: I don't know what he wants, I don't understand what he's trying to say. Don't you get it? You walk to school every day with all these children who are normal. I can't talk to my son! I don't know what he wants or what he thinks or what he feels. I can't tell him that I love him, I can't tell him who I am. I want to talk to my son! I don't care what it costs, I don't care what the stupid doctor says it's right or wrong. I want to talk to my son!
Vice Principal Gene Wolters: Rock 'n' roll by its very nature leads to a breakdown in discipline.
Glenn Holland: Stravinsky was the music of the Russian Revolution! Talk about a breakdown in discipline!
And this is my personal favourite:
Gertrude Lang: Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life.
As I was watching the show, I was deep in thought as well. A lot of people want to find significance in their lives. I thought I was the only one. But I was proved otherwise. Time and again, we see it in the movies and also in real life; people striving to leave a mark, to make an impact, to start a movement, to orchestrate a change, to cause a revolution, to stir a generation, to create history.... These are the things that are inborn in most of us. Significance! Purpose! Destiny!
But unfortunately, many give up along the way before achieving their dreams. Some are eliminated due to some stupid accident caused by errant individuals. It's so sad to read the news today. So many bad news. I can understand about naatural disasters. But matters that are caused by man's greed and pride is extremely heart-breaking because it could have been avoided. What is mankind coming to?
I was thinking of my life. What have I achieved? I've been a Christian more than 10 years...what have I done with it? I've been playing the piano for more than 10 years too....why haven't I mastered it and become a prefessional. The same goes for the guitar. I've been playing it for 10 years....why can't I pull off a solo and become a guitar master? With my musical background...why haven't I achieved a dream of starting a great band?
I'm still learning how to look at the silver lining of the clouds. Across the globe...people are dying everyday, while here I am, thinking about stuff that is not so crucial. What's the matter with me.
The first time I watched it, I loved it. I can't remember the details....as time went on, I slowly forgot the details of the movie, but all I could remember was that it was an inspiring movie and it inspired me alot. The kind of movie that speaks close to the heart and ends with you feeling motivated and inspired to do something with your life. In this movie, it revolves around music. A man and his music.
If you have watched Music Of The Heart...it's something like that. But I don't remember much of it also. The blur images of Susan Sarandon and violins and kids and music. That's about it.
Anyways, this is a review of the movie I managed to find on the internet.
Author: bppihl from Normal, Illinois
I remember seeing "Mr. Holland's Opus" for the first time in high school. I liked it then, and still do. Films about teaching often involve tough kids and less than ideal teachers, among other things. I have to say this film is an exception. Mr. Holland is an inspiration in so many ways that he does not realize or even want to acknowledge. It is also a story that could have taken place and that some people can relate to. This is why I enjoyed it so much.
Mr. Holland has a dream of composing a very memorable and moving symphony, and to ultimately be "rich and famous." But working odd jobs in pursuit of his dream doesn't appeal to him. Reluctantly, he takes a day job as a high school music teacher to support the family and at first hates it. His students are not motivated to learn through readings and tests, and do not respond well to the music of Bach. When he finds they love rock and roll, he integrates this into the curriculum, much of the disapproval of the administration, who believe "rock and roll by its very nature leads to a breakdown in discipline." He teaches and mentors many students over the years, from a clarinet student who doubts her talent and feels inferior to her musically talented family, to a wrestler who becomes a drummer, and a talented singer with her eye on him who wants to go to Broadway despite any barriers. Whether or not he knows it, Mr. Holland inspires them to do something worthwhile.
Despite his love and talent for teaching, Mr. Holland cannot develop this same level of rapport and love with his wife Iris and son Cole, who is deaf. His desire for Cole to appreciate music is outweighed by Cole's inability to hear and his father's reluctance to help him. Cole learns sign language from his teachers and mother predominantly. Mr. Holland appears to be the kind of person who detests imperfection of any kind, and this strains his familial relationships. Gradually, though, he learns to accept and deal with these challenges, and becomes more loving and appreciative.
I recommend "Mr. Holland's Opus" for musicians, singers, music teachers, and really everyone. Enjoy the show!
And while watching it, there were some memorable quotes, at least to me.
Glenn Holland: Which instrument do you think you'd like to play?
Louis Russ: Well, I was kinda thinkin' like... How about electric guitar?
Glenn Holland: Well, this is a marching band. The extension cord will kill us.
Principal Jacobs: A teacher has two jobs; fill young minds with knowledge, yes, but more important, give those minds a compass so that that knowledge doesn't go to waste.
Vice Principal Wolters: I care about these kids just as much as you do. And if I'm forced to choose between Mozart and reading and writing and long division, I choose long division.
Glenn Holland: Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want, Gene. Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about.
Mr. Glenn Holland: The day they cut the football budget in this state, that will be the end of Western Civilization as we know it!
Louis Russ: Tubas are for fat guys with pimples.
Glenn Holland: Play the sunset.
Iris Holland: I don't know what he wants, I don't understand what he's trying to say. Don't you get it? You walk to school every day with all these children who are normal. I can't talk to my son! I don't know what he wants or what he thinks or what he feels. I can't tell him that I love him, I can't tell him who I am. I want to talk to my son! I don't care what it costs, I don't care what the stupid doctor says it's right or wrong. I want to talk to my son!
Vice Principal Gene Wolters: Rock 'n' roll by its very nature leads to a breakdown in discipline.
Glenn Holland: Stravinsky was the music of the Russian Revolution! Talk about a breakdown in discipline!
And this is my personal favourite:
Gertrude Lang: Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life.
As I was watching the show, I was deep in thought as well. A lot of people want to find significance in their lives. I thought I was the only one. But I was proved otherwise. Time and again, we see it in the movies and also in real life; people striving to leave a mark, to make an impact, to start a movement, to orchestrate a change, to cause a revolution, to stir a generation, to create history.... These are the things that are inborn in most of us. Significance! Purpose! Destiny!
But unfortunately, many give up along the way before achieving their dreams. Some are eliminated due to some stupid accident caused by errant individuals. It's so sad to read the news today. So many bad news. I can understand about naatural disasters. But matters that are caused by man's greed and pride is extremely heart-breaking because it could have been avoided. What is mankind coming to?
I was thinking of my life. What have I achieved? I've been a Christian more than 10 years...what have I done with it? I've been playing the piano for more than 10 years too....why haven't I mastered it and become a prefessional. The same goes for the guitar. I've been playing it for 10 years....why can't I pull off a solo and become a guitar master? With my musical background...why haven't I achieved a dream of starting a great band?
I'm still learning how to look at the silver lining of the clouds. Across the globe...people are dying everyday, while here I am, thinking about stuff that is not so crucial. What's the matter with me.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Now
The holidays are here! But I won't be able to enjoy them. While the rest of the uni students are going wild with a 5-week break ( 2nd longest holiday in MMU history ), most of the people in my year and faculty will be gearing ourselves for our Industrial Training (IT). Just a few weeks prior, I was so excited about tasting work...maybe I was looking forward to something other than my exams. Exams have come and gone, and IT is staring right at me. Somehow, I'm suddenly unprepared. The feeling of waiting so much for something, and when the times does come, you're just not ready. That's what I'm feeling right now.
It's a sudden step from studying to working. I've gone to get my working clothes...those long sleeved shirts and black slacks with black leather shoes. I'm not sure if I have to wear that everyday though. The last call to my employer gave me the idea that casual clothing is in....except for slippers and shorts and singlets. In that case, I might not have to don on the 'smart' outfit after all. But I'll just wear it for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.
I'm working for P2I Online. Still reading up about this company. I got the feeling it's more of an IT company instead of engineering. As far as I know, I have to work 5 days a week only, but this includes Saturday and Sundays. Meaning, that in a week, I should have 2 off days, which could be any 2 days. So my weekends might not be the usual Saturday and Sunday. To top that up, I will be working shifts since my company is an American company. So night shift and day shift...gonna get messed up real bad.
Good news is....I'm getting paid a decent amount, and I don't have to shift out of my current home, coz it's based in Cyberjaya. Should be a 5 minute drive to my work place.
On other news, I was just chilling with a bunch of friends over the weekend. It's a real fun thing to do...something I've not been doing in a long while because of my hectice lifestyle. We just 'lepaked' around the mall doing nothing. No agenda, no plans. The life after exams! After awhile, we talked about old times: Alpha year, the crap stuff we would do, how LOA we were, the liberalistic us doing whacky stuff we could imagine, the conflicts, the weirdos, yadayada.
Made me realize: We are getting old-er. Felt like veterans talking bout the good 'ol days. Time sure flies. 4 years just like that. *zip*. I still remember my first day in uni.My first orientation. My first day in class. My first bunch of pre-U buddies. My first girl friend. My first CF meeting. My first argument. My first outdoor experience. My first class ruckus. My first class drama. My first Cyberjaya excursion. My first gig. My first win. My first move to Cyberjaya. My first hostel room.....all that wrapped up in 5 years. Very soon I'll be stepping into the working world. It's got me thinking about my life again.
I got about 4 days in Melaka before I go back to Cyberjaya to face work. Hope that leaves me with enough time to evaluate my life, once again.
Some of my current thoughts:
1. People change. Even myself. And not always for the better. The only consant is : change. How ironic. Sometimes I want to cling on to what I've always known. It gets harder to let go of familiarity sometimes.
2. I don't know that much. I still lack knowledge in so many areas. I thought that my coming to Uni will open my eyes. Well, it did. But open eyes is nothing when my stomach is still empty...in this case, my brain. There is so much I would like to know and understand : society, economics, technology, politics, religion.....issues that I would have to face one day.
a
3. .......*brain-jam*
It's a sudden step from studying to working. I've gone to get my working clothes...those long sleeved shirts and black slacks with black leather shoes. I'm not sure if I have to wear that everyday though. The last call to my employer gave me the idea that casual clothing is in....except for slippers and shorts and singlets. In that case, I might not have to don on the 'smart' outfit after all. But I'll just wear it for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.
I'm working for P2I Online. Still reading up about this company. I got the feeling it's more of an IT company instead of engineering. As far as I know, I have to work 5 days a week only, but this includes Saturday and Sundays. Meaning, that in a week, I should have 2 off days, which could be any 2 days. So my weekends might not be the usual Saturday and Sunday. To top that up, I will be working shifts since my company is an American company. So night shift and day shift...gonna get messed up real bad.
Good news is....I'm getting paid a decent amount, and I don't have to shift out of my current home, coz it's based in Cyberjaya. Should be a 5 minute drive to my work place.
On other news, I was just chilling with a bunch of friends over the weekend. It's a real fun thing to do...something I've not been doing in a long while because of my hectice lifestyle. We just 'lepaked' around the mall doing nothing. No agenda, no plans. The life after exams! After awhile, we talked about old times: Alpha year, the crap stuff we would do, how LOA we were, the liberalistic us doing whacky stuff we could imagine, the conflicts, the weirdos, yadayada.
Made me realize: We are getting old-er. Felt like veterans talking bout the good 'ol days. Time sure flies. 4 years just like that. *zip*. I still remember my first day in uni.My first orientation. My first day in class. My first bunch of pre-U buddies. My first girl friend. My first CF meeting. My first argument. My first outdoor experience. My first class ruckus. My first class drama. My first Cyberjaya excursion. My first gig. My first win. My first move to Cyberjaya. My first hostel room.....all that wrapped up in 5 years. Very soon I'll be stepping into the working world. It's got me thinking about my life again.
I got about 4 days in Melaka before I go back to Cyberjaya to face work. Hope that leaves me with enough time to evaluate my life, once again.
Some of my current thoughts:
1. People change. Even myself. And not always for the better. The only consant is : change. How ironic. Sometimes I want to cling on to what I've always known. It gets harder to let go of familiarity sometimes.
2. I don't know that much. I still lack knowledge in so many areas. I thought that my coming to Uni will open my eyes. Well, it did. But open eyes is nothing when my stomach is still empty...in this case, my brain. There is so much I would like to know and understand : society, economics, technology, politics, religion.....issues that I would have to face one day.
a
3. .......*brain-jam*
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Relief
*free*
That's what I feel for the moment. It's been a grueling 2 weeks of doing nothing but intensive studying...and a couple of rounds of Dota. It's been long nights of feeding my brain with facts and fancy formulas, which most definitely will be forgotten once the exams end.
As I'm typing this, the MMU finals examination is still going on. However, my exams are over. What I thought would be a an unfortunate event actually turned out to be something better than expected, though I'm not so sure it's a blessing. I had to cram in 3 papers in 4 days and 2 of those papers happen to be Telecommunication subjects. During the study week, I got that sense of dread; so much to study and so little time; so many facts, which one will be tested. Thinking to myself, I thought I wasn't going to make it. I've had more failures than I ever want to remember and I'm familiar with walking out of an exam not knowing if I would pass.
The thought on my mind as I was studying was : I don't want to have to extend my years in MMU. If I fail a paper, I might have to stay a few more semesters just to make it thru. It made me pray. I really didn't know what to expect. Unlike my friends from other majors, they had a lot of time to study. Mine was half of that time. I told God that I couldn't make it thru this time, especially if I did it myself. I needed a mircale.
And a miracle did come! Whatever I studied came out....almost:) It wasn't so much of scoring an A, but more of making thru the paper. If I get good grades, that's a bonus. So, I thank God that He made it possible for me to go through this.
I have about 8 months to go before I graduate. The finish line is within sight. But this whole semester has been one of discouragement. I was so close to giving up a couple of times. So close, yet so far. But the main hurdles have been done with. I'm looking forward to Industrial Traning. I wonder what it would be liek to get a taste of the working world. More than that, I'm looking forward to a semester without exams:)
I'm back in Melaka now. Taking a break from everything else, while some of my peers are still facing exams. All the best to you! Will be back in Cyberjaya soon to settle some things.
Somehow, I am losing touch with blogging. Lacking the feel. Mental block.
That's what I feel for the moment. It's been a grueling 2 weeks of doing nothing but intensive studying...and a couple of rounds of Dota. It's been long nights of feeding my brain with facts and fancy formulas, which most definitely will be forgotten once the exams end.
As I'm typing this, the MMU finals examination is still going on. However, my exams are over. What I thought would be a an unfortunate event actually turned out to be something better than expected, though I'm not so sure it's a blessing. I had to cram in 3 papers in 4 days and 2 of those papers happen to be Telecommunication subjects. During the study week, I got that sense of dread; so much to study and so little time; so many facts, which one will be tested. Thinking to myself, I thought I wasn't going to make it. I've had more failures than I ever want to remember and I'm familiar with walking out of an exam not knowing if I would pass.
The thought on my mind as I was studying was : I don't want to have to extend my years in MMU. If I fail a paper, I might have to stay a few more semesters just to make it thru. It made me pray. I really didn't know what to expect. Unlike my friends from other majors, they had a lot of time to study. Mine was half of that time. I told God that I couldn't make it thru this time, especially if I did it myself. I needed a mircale.
And a miracle did come! Whatever I studied came out....almost:) It wasn't so much of scoring an A, but more of making thru the paper. If I get good grades, that's a bonus. So, I thank God that He made it possible for me to go through this.
I have about 8 months to go before I graduate. The finish line is within sight. But this whole semester has been one of discouragement. I was so close to giving up a couple of times. So close, yet so far. But the main hurdles have been done with. I'm looking forward to Industrial Traning. I wonder what it would be liek to get a taste of the working world. More than that, I'm looking forward to a semester without exams:)
I'm back in Melaka now. Taking a break from everything else, while some of my peers are still facing exams. All the best to you! Will be back in Cyberjaya soon to settle some things.
Somehow, I am losing touch with blogging. Lacking the feel. Mental block.
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