Thursday, May 27, 2004


whoah...jsut noticed alot of my freinds sudenly getting into the blog fever...from the ones who said they'll never blog to those who said they'd have no drive to blog after a while.
surprisingly, they all have blogs now....so prepare for web contamination pretty soon:p

one of my friends thought that to keep a blog would be like an assignemnt, as in everyday must write something...if not the Big Bad Blogmaster would come after them and beat them up.

we'll nothing much to say rite now...jsut having lots of jumbled feeling inside this little heart of mine...too much for me to even understand rite now...too much for me to comprehend...the bible mentioned that the human heart is full of deceit...didn't understand it till now...heard from somewhere that you're true self will manifest itself when u are put into hot water...then u'll be able to see what's really inside of you...and what i see coming out of me scares the crap out of me...never knew that i could conceive such evil thoughts...never thought i'd think of such devious plans...it's jsut frightening...it's like there's a monster somewhere inside me waiting to burst out.

God if you're gonna work in me, i guess now is a good time...i don't liek what i see...i don't liek what i'm becoming...

Sunday, May 23, 2004

not my will, but Yours be done

jsut back from church.been a long day.didn't have much sleep last night as well. slept bout 3am after packing some stuff up, after watching Van Helsing. the worse part actually came when i dozed off. i'm currently down with this terrible cough, and it bugged me terribly last night. halfway through sleep, the cough seizures would come and i'd be awaken to purge the germs from within my throat. after the coughing spells, i'd be so exhausted that i jsut wanna sleep again, when suddenly, another unmerciful round of coughs begin...all over again.

with that aside, was church. i had to sit through both the services coz i was on duty. this is what i learnt:

1st Service:Pastor Sandra
She preached from john 15, about the vine and the branches and the fruit. there was the part about being pruned. i guess that was what spoke to me. in order for me to grow in this life, sometimes God allows pruning to take place. and yes it does hurt, but after the pruning, the plant grows better and bears bigger fruit. and it made me look at my current situation, and maybe what i'm going through at this point in time is all part of the pruning process. The vinedresser cuts off the dead leaves and the dying leaves as well to ensure that the plant continues to grow strong and healthy.maybe there are some areas in my life that are 'dead', or maybe 'dying' that God needs to deal with.the dead leaves are removed so that the other leaves beneath it will get the sunlight and grow as well. so what i'm facing now could be a whole process of pruning....of removing the 'dead' and 'dying' so that i will yield better fruit. at the same time, i need to abide in Him. it's something that i need to trust God at this moment.

2nd Service:Pastor Wilsom
He preached about about impregnation. i guess that was what he was saying, not too sure, coz i was really sleepy. but this is what i heard that spoke to my life. when women are pregnant, they face a change that will alter their lives forever. and most of them welcome this change...it's liek they are being fruitful, doing what they were called to do, bear children. and it's not easy, it's painful and requires alot of sacrifice. but it has to take place, in order for better things to take place. in order for them to grow. change is not always easy as it requires us to move out of our comfort zone....change is often painful, but with change comes growth, comes greater things. and i look at my life....i'm undergoing some kinda change which is hard for me to accept, hard for me to swallow the fact that it actaully is happening. and it's really painful for me. but i'm, hanging on to God that this change will help me be a better person. to achieve my destiny. it's so hard, but at times like this is when God seems most real.

Joshua told me that God is always speaking to me, it's whether i'm paying attention. today, 2 messages jsut hit me straight in the face. and i realised that God has been speaking all this while. it's jsut me getting too engrossed in my problems and hurts that i miss out what He's doing.

really wanna appreciate my friends who were there for me and still here to support me as i try to overcome my situation. you know who you are:) really sorry if i'm so bogged down with my hurts that i'm in obvilion to yours. u don't know how much ur care and support and prayers mean to me rite now.thank you! i still hurt very much, but i'm letting go. im learning to trust God that He knows what's best for me.and He will give me the best! i'm still healing and the wounds are still fresh. i need time to let the scars close and pick up the pieces of my heart that is scattered on the floor. i need time to build myself up again and be the man of Destiny that i was created to be. dunno how long it's gonna take, but i'm at the starting line of my next race. i can't give up now.

Dear God, teach me to let go, and trust You....not my will, but Yours be done!

Anne Leong ~

Saturday, May 22, 2004


didn't feel like blogging today...but nicky just had to rub it in about my piercing and spread the word to everyone online through his blog...so here am i to make some justification:p

today was a pretty eventful day. a lot of shopping and mainly hanging out with friends, just to get away for the Cyberscapes. kinda getting tired of the scenery and situations over here. need some fresh air and new sights! basically nicky said it all in his blog! so what i have to say would be a boring repitition.

anyways, just wanna clarify about my piercing. i DIDN'T do it coz everyone was doing it! think what? :p it was more of a statement for myself. something to keep me reminded about stuff. my personal stuff. doesn't matter what ppl have to say, i dun give a rip! it's just for me!

been wanting to get a piercing though...however what really drove me to actaully do it was of a reason which i am not about to disclose here. but i have my reasons.

i want change. i'm tired of my monotonous so-called-life rite now. i'm tired trying so hard to win approval and favour. i try to be good and be the best. but what if my best isn't good enough.what if i fail giving my all? well i already have. i've failed! and i'm just feeling numb to it.

it's about time i got back to my focus on life....MY life to be exact. to live my own destiny! to be what God intended me to be...to stop struggling and go with His flow....to rediscover my passion....to refine my skills and crafts....to deepen my relationship with what really matters. it's just sad as reflect upon my life here in UNi.....i've had my best days....and my worst days here. both the good and bad! i guess it's life's package! but i will fight on ....fight for my life...my very existence....my purpose....

i'm weary, but i will fight, i will persevere.

i may not like the situation at hand, i may never understand it, but i will keep moving on. pressing on!

i was saving my 'ear-piercing' experience with someone really special....and i needed an answer by 2pm today. to know if that special someone was gonna be with me for the memorable ocassion. i waited and no reply.....so i guess i had to make my choice....it was either today or Sunday.....well......here i am with my piercing and i'm not ashamed of it.

goodnite world...may tomoro be a brighter day..

Friday, May 21, 2004

move on wee liem!

what do you do when love is lost?
what do you say to yourself when that happens?
what will happen when there are no more tears left to cry?
what happens after you've done you're best but the heart you seek doesn'tlove you back?
what happens if someone gets in the way and you just feel liek killing is good?
what happens when ur heart starts to get numb from feeling all the pain?
what do you do when ur world just tumbles in on you?
what happens when u lose focus on life?
what if.....?
what happens....???

well, you just move on.......

the world does.....why can't you?

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

what a day!

missed class today! i woke up but, snoozd the alarm and by the time i fully awoke....it was too late. darn! as i'm typing this, i'm contemplating whether to go for a replacement class or jsut skip it altogether:p ....i guess i'll jsut skip it! must be fate!

Really enjoyed CF last night. what i noticed in cf was that there were a whole load of new faces...newbies! and i was excited at the same time a lil' afraid....questions like : what if we can't click together? what if they feel they don't fit in? how can i be a better senior to them? twirled inside my head. there were a lot of ppl that i have yet to meet. but i'm glad that i've met a bunch of them already. gonna work on meeting more ppl next week:)
hopefully i'll 'fit in' to their groups. alot of fcm-ers this year!

yesterday was a pretty eventful day for me. as in, i met a few acquaintances...ppl who are my 'hi and bye' kinda friends. our friendship didn't manage to grow coz we hardly saw each other. so the only thing that kept us in contact was the simple 'hi and bye'.

One of them was this Pakistani guy whom i met in Gamma 1st Trimester, during a lab session. i guess it was a divine appointment coz he came to the same lab as me by mistake. so during that one brief encounter, i never manage to meet him up again except for the ocassional 'bump into you along the way to class'. so for the whole of Gamma year, i didn't meet him up again. WE still remember each other's names and that's a good thing. Out of the blue, I saw him in one of my lectures...and i sat beside him and for the 1st time, i manage to find out more about his life and country and all that. after that, i found out he was in my same tutorial class as well...mere coincidence?? he's a nice guy but lonely, coz most of his other Pakistani friends were in IT. so he was telling me that most of the time he would be sitting alone and had nobody to talk to. and i was glad that i manage to a find a new friend. really looking forward to hang out more with him. i guess it's time i made some foreigners feel welcomed in this country. His dad used to work here in Petronas...and his brother was doing Masters in MMU,and he was asked to study here....when he had the chance to study in Australia.....however, his dad went back to Pakistan, so did his brother....and now he's here alone. wonder how that feels? got his hp number...maybe could start by giving him a lift to campus since he's staying in Cyberia too:) i guess it's true when they say this: sometimes, the only Jesus people will see, is the Jesus in You!

gonna start preparing for class...my other class i mean. anybody wanan go shopping? i suddenly feel like doing some frenzied shopping. what's got into me??

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

back and back here again

whoah! it's monday again...so fast! had a pretty eventful weekend. was back in Melaka for the weekend.....supposed to Celebrate Mother's day. at the same time, there was the anual Melaka Tour.....was suppsoed to go for that too...however, i just dropped by now and then to see what's happening...other than that, was on my own stuff. *so much for the tour*.

on top of that, it was my ex-skool mate's 21st birthday! Jeremy just turned 21 and he had a big bang kinda thing to commemorate his coming off age..if u get what i mean. it was a good thing, coz i manage to meet up my ex-class mates from skool as well as from the neighbouring convent skool. it was a happy reunion altogether. there was Jeremy's MMU gang, his ex-class mate gang and the girly gang. most of them still looked the same except this particular girl which really blew me away. i could identify everyone one present at the party except her. so i went up to her and stretched out my hand, "hi. wee liem.you are?". she just stared at me and said, " don't remember me?". by then i was scratching my head. ok,i gave up. then the guy standing beside me told me who she was! *chin all the way to the floor*. mien! was i really :O ! serious! for more than a minute! it took a long while to accept the fact of who she was....she used to be a plump girl....not fat...just plump..still pretty though....now here standing in front of me was this super skinny girl....really bone skinny! what a transformation! it was a great time of reunion with friends. Jeremey, if you're reading this, thanks for inviting me over and may u have a blessed birthday!

This trip round was Melisa's frist trip to Melaka. so glad to have her over here on my turf! she bunked the 1st night at me place and the next day she was over at leona's. really hoped she had a good holiday jsut doing nothing and chilling out. hope there'll be a next time to chill out here again! hey mel, glad to have u over! come again, oraits!

one thing i learned at home a few minutes before leavin me home was never underestimate mothers...or fathers for that matter. i was having dinner with mum in the kitchen, and i suddenly felt like telling her what i was going through and all. about life's struggle and disappoinments. been going through a tough time.....i think something that i'll always remember... it's been awhile since i felt peace....and here i was sitting in the kitchen with mum.....feeling all messed up and torn inside....and i opened my big mouth and all the words jsut came out....together with the tears of failure and dissappointent. i was like a leaking balloon, slowly emptying out....in front of my mum! *weird!* and she surprised me, by listening to me with much understanding and love a mum could. i tot she was going to unload her barrels of bullets at me for doing this and that, instead she unleashed her grenade of love. i was swept away by her support and love. she listened to what i was going through and sympathised with me....and comforted and consoled me....it made me feel so cared for...that i could talk to my mum about this kinda things without shame. usuallyy most of my freinds don't talk this kinda issues with their parents, but rather their freinds. but here i was with my mum....and she prayed for me then and there. and i was really encouraged. i was encouraged to know that i had my mum's blessing and covering.the words she spoke into my life was so right and appropriate. i left home a much relieved person.

wanna really thank God for my mum!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

i'm back!

Phew! finally time to blog once again! ....urm, truthfully, i have a class going on right now. the thing is, the lecturer gave us a 5min break...and i was feeling hungry and sleepy, so i went to get some food and stuff that could keep me awake. upon reaching back, i couldn't open the doors to the lecture room....so, i had thought that the lectturer was being mean and locked the doors for all the late comers.....however, i found out that i didn't use the 'right technique' to open the door....so here i am in the computer lab thinking i was poorly locked out. anyways...blog la! muahaha!

waiting for the next break so i can quietly sneak in:p

My holidays were great, till i found out i had 2 Supplementary papers to sit for! That really dashed my hopes of enjoying a longer holiday:( i came back from Sarawak on a monday night, was back in Melaka by Tuesday night and was happily enjoying teh rest of my hols at home. one week after that, the following monday night, i checked my results, and i found out i failed 2 papers:( I was seriously blown away coz i didn't expect to fail. here on the computer screen were 2 letter F* s that stared blankly at me, and i really felt so down.....coz i knew i worked hard for my papers...and gave my best shot...but why did i fail? i was crushed after i saw my results.no mood to do anything...i just wanted to hide away, from all the unfairness of the world....just disappear....eventhough my dad was downstairs the time i checked my results, i just sms-ed him and told him that i flunked 2 papers. then i jsut went to sleep.

sleep was suffering! i wasn't sleepy or tired or anyhting like that, but being emotionally devastated, that's the only thing i could do. so i forced myself to sleep....not wanting to face the next day.

however, next day soon came....jsut got up and dragged myself out of mum. surprisingly, mum and dad were taking the flunked papers better than me. they were more cool and relaxed compared to me. they kept reassuring me and gave me support and encouragement. Really thank God for my parents:) instead of pointing a finger at me, they lifted me up and prayed for me.

with the morning gone, i made plans on how should i go about the Supplementary Exams. When i came back from Cyberjaya after the Exams, i didn't bring back any notes coz i was confident i would pass everything.so what for i bring back the old notes for? however, i got the lower side to the scale of fate....and here i was in melaka, with the holidays still not ending for another 2 weeks, without any notes to study:( the only option was to make an early return to Cyberjaya and start studying. sighz! there goes my family holiday plans!!! before i was supposed to start my new Academic Trimester, i was suppsoed ot go on a holiday wiht my family....now with the Supplementary papers just bout 10 days away....i had to forget it :(

so within the next few days i packed up my stuff and said my goodbyes to my friends, and on Thursday, i headed back to campus. it's only Thursday!!! and i wasn't supposed to be back there till next Tuesday!! Mien! the bright side was, i wasn't alone. a few of friends didn't make it through as well. so i found refuge and strength in their company and with the knowledge that i wasn't the ONLY one. when u fail papers when u least expect it, it seriously crushes ur self-esteem:((

during the rest of my 'holidays', i was studying liek crazy, while the rest of friends continued to lepak and enjoy!not fair!!! anyways, had to start my gear running and get into the study momentum all over again. it was tough coz i haven't studied for bout 2 weeks, and i'd forgotten all what i had studied for the past exam.

anyways, i'm glad it's over now. i hope to really pass my supplementary papers. really looking forward to this new Trimester! really looking forward to serving in the CF, church, and undertaking my own projects. been wanting to do so many things, but i was held back with my studies. Exam was on monday and tuesday...today is thursday! haven't really breathed a sigh of relief yet....but i manage to clean up more tahn half of my room....which i had been wanting to clean since i got back to CYberjaya.cleaned it from 2 am till 6.30 am this morning....got a short nap..and woke up for the 8 am class....now here i am....blogging...the whole day running on 1 and a half hours sleep. can feel the tiredness taking it's toll now. gtg catch some nap....will be back soon yeah!

God bless you all....got so much more to say, but i guess that's all for the moment.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

be back soon

Heya peeps! haven't pasted anything up here....pretty surprised with the new blogger outlook as well. the truth is i failed 2 papers, so resitting them. no time to blog mysthoughts down. just study and study. tomoro's the test...tot i'd leave something here while i get back.....so much for feeling i could score this sem....

"Away From The Sun"

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colours of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't tell what I've done

And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again