Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I cut it off!

This event took place on the 3rd of August but I didn't have the time to blog about it. For those of you who've met me in the past one year, most of you would probably have noticed a few strands of hair all tied up sticking out from the right-back side of my head. But there are those few who've been with me and yet not notice it at all....till I trimmed my hair shorter....and then you would hear their exclaims of it being there.

Padawan, Obiwan-abe, whatever you would want to call it, I call it, the 'tail'. It's been with me for slightly more than a year and I admit I've grown pretty fond of it. So, to cut it off really took some amount of guts and letting go.

It was last June that I decided to sport this new hair-do, trimming off my long black hair to suit a spikier look, yet, having the tail to just, 'be different'. It was so short back then, nothing more than 5cm. It was difficult to plait. It stood out even more and caught alot of people by surprise. For a moment, I liked the attention, but it became a norm after a while.

A year passed with me having to go for job interviews and final year project presentations with my tail. I didn't really care, cause I was still a student. Working adults could forgive me for that.

Not until this August. I had an interview for Shell IT for a contract position. I really wanted to work for Shell no matter what. If I couldn't get into their graduates programme, I would take up a contract job and somehow find myself as a permamnent staff in a year. That was my plan. I so wanted to make a good impression on the interviewer that I took the bold step to part with my 'tail'. It wasn't easy; Over a years worth of memory in it. But for Shell, I would take this sacrifice. First impressions do make the difference. I took some pictures to remind me of how it was. I had hopes of re-doing this hairstyle again if my future job allows me a slack in attire and looks. I'd resurrect the 'tail'.

The day before the Shell interview, I carefully cut off the tail and had a decent hair cut. Alas, to my dismay, Shell said the job wasn't suitable for me....whatever that means. In life, I've got to learn to face rejections. So...no biggie... It hurt for a bit....I felt that cutting off my tail was in vain...I didn't get the job. Maybe this is just not the path I'm to take. I did pray for God to open the right doors and close the unsuitable ones.

This parting of the tail strongly signifies my transition of a student, to a young working adult. It's time to change my perception towards some things. It's time to develop a new mindset. It's time to grow-up and be a man.

First month of the hair cut last June
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Just prior to the 'circumcision'
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What's left of it
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Monday, August 07, 2006


Why can't you understand me?
Why do I kill myself each time to make myself be understood?...heard...
Why don't you take the trouble to know?
Why don't you try?..harder...
Why can't you see that I'm giving all I can?
Why can't you see I'm desperately trying?
Why can't you see I'm hurting myself to get to you?
Why can't you let go and mean it?
Why can't you hold on and believe it?
Why can't you be there? here?
Why do you get jealous? When I don't mean as much to you?
Why do you say you would....and don't.....
Why do you misunderstand all the good intentions?
Why is there a double standard?
Why do you want me to be there?
Why can't you hear?... listen
Why can't you make me proud?
Why can't you be happy for me?
Why ?

Why do I hold on?
Why am I still here?
Why can't I let go?
Why is my arms so ready to catch you as you fall?
Why do I miss you?
Why am I still hoping?
Why can't I fall into catchful arms.......

Lord, this so sucks...