Saturday, December 31, 2005

Wrapping up 2005

It's coming. The clock counts 6 hours from now.
But, the year went by too fast.
I still remember the Tsunami Disaster just like it was yesterday.
To me, it was a mere blink of the eye, and 2005 is history.

I have no idea what 2006 holds, but I know the One who holds 2006.

Don't mean to be negative and depressive. But 2005 has been a year of disappoinments. Even before 2005 kicked in, I was already laden with excess baggage. And I began the year with a terrible 'thud' to the floor.

No doubt, I had numerous blessings to count as well. I experienced favor. I tasted mercy. But the scars of disappointments still run deep. Disappointment with people and situations.

I contemplated a quiet 'celebration' to usher in the new year. Alone in my room.

But opportunity arose for a New Year's Service. So I'll be going.

Blessed New Year to all!! And A New Hope to Everyone.

God Bless.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

* failure *

* failure*

I've tried so hard and given my best....only to fail....over and over gain.
I must be doing something wrong somewhere. The pieces don't fit.
How do I live for the moment, when I carry this burden?
I doubt myself sometimes.
What good can come out of me?
I like the life I'm living...till I see the black mark that covers everything.
And I wonder, am I that worth it?
I'm sorry...
And sorry may not be worth much...
But that's all I have
I hope someday, I would have been worth it all

De-motivators : The harder you try, the dumber you look.

Lord, forgive me.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

How can I make a difference where I am with what I have?

It's been a week, no, exactly 10 days since the last day of NC. Time does fly. And to be honest, I don't have the 'spiritually high' feeling anymore. Camp goers would understand that after a camp, most people would feel 'motivated', and depending on individuals, these feelings would wear off sooner or later. And that's when reality sinks in; that you cannot rely on feelings to keep you motivated in your spiritual journey. I've been to so many camps in my life to know that it won't last forever.

For me, the 'feeling' wore off the moment I reached the foothill of Genting Highlands. As I looked over the city, reality sat in almost immediately, as if waking from a dream. And after a week, nothing much in my life has changed. Situations are the same. People around me are also the same. It shows that after a spiritual experience, nothing changes if you don't make the effort to change the physical realm. I believe that my heart has been touched and moved. But the changes inside won't show unless changes also takes place on the outside. I'm not so naive to think that things will automatically be nice and rosy immediately.

For starters, it came to mind to make the best of what I have in this life. Each person has been born into different situations. And it's our call to make the most of what we have. The parable of the talents in the Bible speaks of it.

How can I make a difference where I am with what I have?

Here's a list of what I've got:
  1. 2 hands ( working well the last time I checked it)
  2. 2 feet (check)
  3. 2 eyes
  4. 2 ears
  5. 1 mouth ( almost said 2)
  6. 1 heart
  7. A great family
  8. A decent-enough education
  9. Great friends around ( you peeps have been awesome blessings )
  10. A car
  11. A guitar
  12. An electric guitar
  13. Ability to play he guitar and piano
  14. 1 life to live

Well, now that I started thinking...the list goes on. But I'd stop here.

Now, for what I can do:


that's for another time.


Sunday, December 04, 2005

National Conference 2005 - PuduRaya

I call this 'bus stop' - PuduRaya. ( I heard a small wave of laughter. Maybe they thought I was pulling off another stunt )

It's such an unbiblical name, but somehow this word was impressed on my heart as I searched within me for a name to call this place of spiritual renewal. As the name came to mind, the reason for it followed soon after.

I came to this conference, looking for directions. It's not long before I graduate, and the question of where do I start my working carreer has been brewing. I always told myself to return to my roots-Melaka. I've seen so many of my seniors leave Melaka, never to return, settling down in the major cities around. Only a few faithful have returned to rebuild of what's left. Maybe God called the others elsewhere. But I always had this impression to return back.

The attraction of city life has got a hold of me somehow. I like it here in Cyberjaya/Subang/PJ. I like the current church I'm in, to the point I feel so comfortable, I don't want to leave. I like the entertainment this places have to offer me. And, I'm thinking that maybe I could be an influence in a place like this....maybe.

I wanted to know what God wanted to do in my life. To stay or return. But I got more than I bargained for. As I sat through each session, only a few words spoke to me, in the sea of words that were streaming out. Those few words hit me like bullets. Another option that came my way was to start anew in a small town somewhere, any town smaller than Melaka. The kind of town that raise a question mark in people's mind whenever they are mentioned.

I had wanted to start with a decent job, buy a house, get married and settle down with some kids and have the usual 2 cars kind of family, living in some high class suburbs. Having a decent...if not luxuries form of lifestyle. But I was challenged to give that up. I don't really know how to put it. I guess some people are called to the cities, some are called to smaller towns, and some to the villages, and some to the rest of the world. But for me, it's anywhere that God calls me to. The catch is, I shouldn't get too attached to the lifestyle I'm living. Or more accurate, worldly wealth. It's alrite if God blesses me with material things, but I shouldn't get too attacehd to it. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.

Back to PuduRaya. I see this particular Bus Terminal in the heart of KL as a center point for all travellers. People going in and out all the time. People who represent Malaysia. People who do not know God. And compared to KLIA or KL Sentral, PuduRaya is one shabby, dirty looking, run down place. It speaks to me of a different kind of lifestyle that I want to live. The personal question was whether I was willing to give up the luxuries of KLIA and KL Sentral for a place like PuduRaya. It was a reminder that places like this need Jesus too.

It scares me to think of giving it all up. But the Bible speaks of not going after earthly treasure where moth and rust destroy, but storing heavenly riches. And people like Dr Thomas Chung and Dr Loh Kim Cheng, and even Ps. Kenneth have showed an example to me; Giving up their professional careers to serve God. They are my heroes.

And I'm still thinking and waiting........