Friday, December 31, 2004

2004 fleeting

It's the last day of 2004. So much has happened. And 2005 awaits tommorrow. To some sadist out there, 2005 is just another year. To me, I like new things. Don't we all? I like 2nd chances. Though each year repeats over and over again, like a brand new day, except it takes way longer, 365.25 days to be exact, I still look forward to New Year's Day. It reminds me of 2nd chance. It reminds me of redemption. It signifies a new phase of my life. Well, in retrospect, here's 2004 at a glance, for me (i tried putting it in order, but some are just random slottings):

-started this blog. on the 10th of Jan, it'd be a year old.
-discovered Switchfoot, and told myself before all the hype that this band is gonna make huge waves. and it did!
-had a sweet valentine. after year's finally had the chance to celebrate Valentine's Day with someone special.
-served in the CFMMU committe as worship director. was a CG leader before this. Kinda gave me perspective to the work i'm doing now.
-pierced my ear. as a reminder for something.
-played for Knil Army. now a part of Knil Army.
-colored my hair the color of copper.
-contemplated of shifting back to Melaka. finally didn't.
-organized IF Camp 2004. was Camp Commander. totally rocked!
-went to Kuching, Sarawak for fun with a bunch of crazy people. spent a week on foreign soil.
-went to Kuching, Sarawak, again for GIG Kuching together with AYA. we rocked Kuching!
-accidentally shaved my lips. ouch!
-got closer to some people in church.
-met some really nice juniors. really appreciate their friendship.
-discovered Loopy Meals.
-read the complete set of The Chronicles of Narnia.
-read John Grisham's, The Pelican Brief.
-read Nicholas Evan's The Horse Whisperer.
-read Single and Loving it.
-read 3 of John Irving's novels : The World According to Garp, A Widow for One Year and A prayer for Owen Meany. Superb novels.
-celebrated NoSpaceBarDAy!
-went for one performance of the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra.
-went for 2 plays by the Actor's Studio Bangsar : Election Day and Little Violet.
-went for the Nokia presents Starlight Cinema twice.
-watched Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.
-met a real Jesus Freak.
-failed 3 papers in all. not proud of it, but it's a reminder to work harder.
-started 'rubber band'. dunno what happened to it now.
-met up with an old Pakistani friend. Now we're really close buds. Can't wait to see him.
-met another kewl dude from Mozambique. he is awesome.
-became 21!
-celebrated my 21st birthday with my family.
-got trashed for being 21.
-got meself a digital camera.
-got Hero, the new dog.
-played for Relax.Fm in CF.
-got betrayed.
-discovered grace.
-drove all the way to taiping and back, within 12 hours for someone very special. furthest i've ever driven.
-organized a family trip to Ipoh.
-visited an orphanage, Rumah Trinity. this will not be my last visit:p
-celebrated Christmas with my family.
-got a new watch for Christmas, after getting a watch for someone else:)
-attended 2 debates from the Worlds 2005 tournament. a historical milestone for MMU.
-reading Darlene Zsech's Kiss of Heavan.

there's so much more I can't recall. But if I remember, I'll post it up.

Goodbye 2004. 2005, Welcome!

to the lift...fare thee well

As I type this, I'm making a mental note that this will probably be the last time I'm writing about you. You've been part of my life for a long time, but I think that I can't stand here waiting for the lift on the ground floor to go up any longer. If the lift fails, there's always the stairs. And even if the stairs aren't there, there's other building blocks with lifts and stairs that I can go to. I need to go up, one way or another. I need to ascend this life. Scale it like a rock-climber if I must. The need to get higher to smell fresher air is forcing me to leave this lobby that I love very much. It's sad to have to walk out the main entrance and leave this lobby-in-repair, till...I don't know when...maybe never. I shudder at the thought. My dreams...My hopes...My future...My life...

I picture myself, packing up all my baggages, furnitures, some lil' treasures, my clothes and some other personal belongings that, over time, I've accumulated to make my stay at the lobby a bit more comfortable, while waiting for the lift to go up. But, cob-webs are sprouting all over the place from lack of dynamics. The lift ain't moving anywhere. I guess I'll just take my valuables and my priced posessions with me. I'll leave the rest of the things behind, so that the next passenger after me might have less trouble getting comfortable. I see my belongings slung over my shoulders, as I slowly walk to the entrance, now, the exit for my departure. I stop to take one last look. The lift still looks beautiful, as always. The make-do furniture and surrounding around the lift looks enticing. Looks like home, but doesn't feel like one. So perfect, yet so lacking. I think, maybe I'll come back here one day. Maybe. I want to! But...I don't know if i'll ever make the trip to this monumental place again. I don't know. You don't know. I miss you.

A yellow taxi's waiting for me. The driver looks agitated, like he's high on caffeine. I want to stay a second longer, as if my longing thoughts can cajole the lift into operating again, to take me someplace, other than this ground floor. Somewhere up and high. I hear him honking. I know I have to, even if I don't feel I want to. I load all my luggage into the back seat. I take a last look again. My heart breaks. From a distance, the lift still looks beautiful, as always, but all my left-behind belongings all look shabby and discolored. That's how long I've been here. Other's have walked by, other's have stopped for a drink. I've always been. But maybe my expiry date is running thin. If only I could promise that I'll come back one day. If only I could promise that I'll do what I can to make this beautiful lift take flight again, to go up, like it was made to be. I can't.

I get into the front seat. I'm worried. The driver beside me looks like he's gonna kill me for making him wait for so long. I muster the strength for one last look. Then I know what I have to do. I'll be back...maybe. But I look forward, and signal for the driver to go. His anticipation makes me sick. Why can't he understand that I want him to drive off slowly, like in the movies. Here, he's speeding like the devil after him, tearing the roads, as if for my safety he's trying to take me away from you. Now maybe I understand his anxiety.

Goodbye, I finally managed to whisper.

I wind down the window, and let a letter I was holding all this while, fly away, carried by the rushing wind.

I says:

dear you,

You asked me to understand you. I tried. I failed. But did you understand me? Did you hear me? Did what I ever said matter to you? Why do hurt me? Why are my tears still flowing. I tried all I can to make you happy and proud. I gave my best, and I would give even more. I'd give anything. I kept away things that made you sad. But why are you hurting me? What did I do to you to deserve this? Did I not prove myself worthy enough? Did I not prove myself capable enough? Why'd you let your heart be swayed by another, even when you know I loved you deeply. Why did u cheat on me? I was faithful to you. Why didn't you understand? Little things count to me. I was always there for you. But where were you? I feel so stupid and wasted. You brought me so much joy and happiness, yet you also brought me pain and sorrow. What did I do to deserve you? Is it so difficult to walk beside me and be the one to count on? The view of your back is beautiful, but it hurts to see the velocity of our strut so vastly different. Is it so detestable to look at me, when all I needed was an assuring smile? Was it expansive to call when I needed to hear the voice? Is it that predictable to be with me, when I needed your affection? You know what hurts me, and you still do it. Why? Why are you so insensitive? Why do you always say you know before the words leave my mouth? Can't I voice out my thoughts and opinions to you? I trust you enough to let you know what's really going on inside. I trust you enough till it hurts. No one else knows deeper. Why are you so quick to don't give a damn? Why are you so quick to give up? Why does it feel like I'm the only one trying to make the balance? Why do I drop everything aside to be there for you? Why am I placed on your waiting list when there's an emergency. Why do you flirt with others, when I'm still here for you? Am I a look-good furniture? Am I a plan B? Am I a no-choice decision? Why? Why?Why? You say, but you don't do. You promise, but it breaks. You tell me that it's just something, but you let it grow to something else. Why? You told me that it's just being friends, but i've seen one good apple turn bad. And I don't one to see another one turn bad too. If you say so, I'll try to believe you. But once bitten, twice shy. You've hurt me, not just once, but time and time again. But why do I still trust you? Why do I still believe? Why do you do things behind my back? Why am I still so honest with you? Maybe rite now, you might be thinking, that you don't give a damn anymore, just as I predicted. Don't you appreciate my gifts to you? Big and small. I walk in the mall, I think of you. Everywhere I go, I think of you. But you tell me you miss me, only when you see me. If I'm absent from your life for a month, will I be forgotten and replaced like coasters on the table?If you lose sight of me for a moment, will you be like a mirror that holds no lasting memory? I miss you. I love you.

ps: I wish I could usher in the new year with you. But I can't. I've got other priorities now. The pain of last year's new year is still fresh in my mind. After so long, it still hasn't subsided. I wish you well.


I try to forget the contents of pathetic letter as it gets lifted into the air. I try. But it haunts me. The faces of the others haunts me too. This is the life I have to live. This is the fear I have to give. The closing of this year ends with a crash. My dreams...My hopes...My future...My life... I miss you.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

'X' mas ???

Just wondering...I'm not being narrow-minded or religious, but why X'mas?
Ever wondered why?
I've seen it all over the place, even some churches use it on their brochures.
I've asked around, and here are some answers i got.

-'Christ'mas is too long a word to fit in anywhere, so 'Christ' is shortened to just an 'X'. The 'X' bearing the sign of a cross...or so they say...u think so?
-'Christ' is a offensive to some people, so in order to censor the reason for the season, while still enjoying the season, they kinda cut out 'Christ', and dropped an 'X' in there. so, 'X' mas.

I don't really know exactly, but I'll let you figure it out for yourself. But think again before you put an 'X' on any card or anywhere else...

Saturday, December 25, 2004


Merry Christmas everyone!
and a
Blessed New Year!!
Jesus, the reason for the season.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

the encounter

I remember how God met me...at the Youth Camp.

Before the Youth Camp, I was reviewing my life, and I felt I lacked God's presence. I wanted what so many other great men of God have: that dwelling presence of God in their life, where God's tangible presence is there with them all the time. They set foot to a room of people, and the people around them can feel God's presence in them. That's what I asked God for. I asked Him for His dwelling presence once again in my life.

As I went to camp, I didn't have any preconceived ideas of how camp was gonna be like. If God wanted to touch me there, so be it. In the 1st session, Pastor Kelvin spoke about God's dwelling presence. I thought...what a heavenly coincidence. He spoke about how the dwelling presence of God evokes God's favour on our life. I know I need God's favour. To walk in humility, to let God have His way in me. He also said that God's dwelling presence also evokes changes. Change is one thing I desperately need. In my current situation, I can see the ugly part of me surfacing. I don't like what I'm becoming. I can't bear to see me transform into something the opposite of what Jesus wants me to be. And therefore, I need a change in my spirit, a change in my perception, a change in my proirities, a change in my life! I needed God's dwelling presence badly. And the 3rd thing he said that God's dwelling presence evokes enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is something that I'm drifting away from. I used to be enthusiastic about life. Now, it's just a drag. I needed God's presence in my life again. To be excited for this life He has created for me. How I desperately needed God's dwelling presence in this life of mine.

When people hurt enough, they have to change
When people learn enough, they want to change
When people receive enough, they are able to change

Then, there was a night at camp, when I felt suddenly felt depressed and alone. Everyone else was asleep, but I was up on the rooftops fighting in my spirit. I felt sad and burdened with the troubles that was clouding my life. I asked God: Where are you? I questioned Him. I challenged Him. I wanted to know where was He. I was just ranting and crying out to God for awhile. I looked out into the dark sky, hopeing that God would show Himself to me. The point of frustration just made me believe that something's gonna happen as I intently stared out into nothingness. But nothing happened. Tiredness got over me. And soon, I had to surrender to my sleep. I was disappointed, that God didn't 'show up' like I expected Him to.

Early the next morning, I arose, and the first thing that came to mind was to read my bible. Just a gentle prodding. So I did. I didn't know where to turn to, so I let the many bookmarks in my bible randomly select a page. And it was somewhere in Psalms. And it was no other than Psalms 139. As far as I can recall, I have never held dearly to this Psalm before to want me to permanently lodge a bookmark there for future reference. It must have been God's divine appointment. But here I was, this particular morning, after all my night's questing God. And this is what God spoke to me through Psalms 139.

I asked God : Where are You? What can't I feel You? Are You even there? Do You even care?

He answered : Psalms 139

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
3You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
7Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"Even the night shall be light about me; 12Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.
14I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
15My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
17How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.
19Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20For they speak against You wickedly; Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;
24And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

I was awe-struck. How could such a big God take notice of me? How could He know the anguish in my heart. But He understood. Just amazing. I can't contain it. It is too mind-blowing. That God actually answered me what I needed to hear.

The next day, I told God, that I needed to hear from Him again. I still had struggles within. And as I was praying that, Pastor Kelvin said he wanted to pray for me. And God used him to speak to me. What he prayed for, was directed at what was going on inside of me. I never told Pastor Kelvin anything, but he prayed as if he knew exactly what was going on in my heart. I knew, it wasn't his knowledge, but God's revelation.

I praise You, God! Blessed be Your wondrous name. Amen!

Saturday, December 18, 2004

the 2nd home

Finally back here in Cyberjaya - feel's great to be 'home'! Where the air sucks ( dust with whatever crap ), and the lack of proper edible food, and all that mumbo-jumbo...but, no doubt, it's great to be back here. This has been one of my longest absence from this place, close to 3 weeks. What I miss about this place, is the people! Cyber would be totally different if not for the beautiful people that surround my life. Thank you! As I stepped out of the car and walked into the corridor of the appartments, I felt like I was at a holiday resort or something. I guess it's the detergent they use to wash the floors. Dunno! But I had a sudden excitement to be back. I really don't know what's in store, but I was excited.

Can't say that I'm much excited now, but the beginning of the new trimester always look optimistic to me.

This holidays has been much spent with my family. It's one rare holiday for me, coz I spent nearly the whole 3 weeks, with the exception of my youth camp, with them. Since I came to Cyber, I've hardly been home, not to mention, 'missing' most of my family vacation. This time round, I made a point to spend whatever free time with my family. Time's really flying. My sisters are growing up, no longer the cude cudlly babes anymore. My parents are getting older too. It's been so fast. And I forsee I won't be home much longer once I start working here in KL. My youngest sis really misses me. And I feel bad, that as she's growing up, I can't be there for her:( How I want so much to see her thru her primary skooling years. But now I'm just a passing shadow at home, when the holiday comes, and if I come back at all. I really miss her. My affections are really spent on her. I miss the way she tells me she will miss me when I go back to Cyber, days before I even go back. My parents- giving their best to make sure I have a good life. I owe them so much! I really hope I can repay them one day...as for now, my aim is to graduate and get a good job. That's family. That's home. My physical expression of a refuge. At home, I'm accepted as who I am. I'm a hero no matter what I've done or achieved. I'm loved.

I thank God for my family. We've sufficient to get thru. We've enough love to go around. I thank God for every little things that has kep my family together. And I continually thank God that my mum is still alive and well. I nearly lost her to cancer 11 years ago. But God has completely healed her. Amen! And God is still doing a work in her life. She's been my pillar of strength, even when I don't know it. She's the woman of prayer behind every task I undertake. Her prayer's march forth, before I even lay my hands on the plough. I thank God for her. As for my dad, he's the quiet man, when he has to be. He's calmness reflects the strength within. HE provides more than I can ask for. Self-sacrificing, to raise this family to where it is. I'm indebted to such a man. I love my family, though the flaws are there. It's these minor flaws that make this union stand out and be unique. God has truly blessed this family, and I hope I can be a blessing to those who don't have this privilege.

This holuday, I arranged for my family to visit Ipoh. Why Ipoh? I don't know. I guess I wanted a change...every year, it's been either Port Dickson or KL or The shores of pahang. Time for change...time to head north! It was an awesome trip. We were there 3 days. WE bought whatever we wanted to buy, ate what we came to eat, and found and conquered the Lost World of Tambun. It was totally relaxing:)

Now, back to my life. What's it gonna be?I really don't know. I need to reflect and see what I've achieved.

Welcome to my life!

Thursday, December 16, 2004


Sometimes, you begin to see things differently. from another angle, perspective, whatever you choose to call it. But it's so easy to fall in the trap of viewing things the same way we've been doing all the while. We tell ourselves : no looking back! Somehow, a rear-view mirror always comes in handy, to look back, when we fasten our necks in place to look only forward. ironic isn't it?

learn from history
be history

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Gateway Youth Camp 2004

So fast, and it's already mid-way through the trimester holidays. So many things been buzzing by, that I can hardly take it all in. I just got back from my youth camp, bout 2 days ago...ok, make that 3 days ago...and tomorrow I'll have to buzz off to KL already. It's my family holiday:) KL, then Ipoh, then back to KL again, then Melaka. At times like these, I wish MMU had months and months of holidays. Coz rite now, I'm just cramming my holidays as much as I can:p Not much of resting and reflecting.

H'anyways, something about my youth camp:

I didn't even know my annual youth camp was coming up. When my mum told me about it, I was way past the due date. But, just for kicks, I decided to go. Had to pay the late regis-crap stuff also.

A bit of history pertaining to youth camps: I've been attending my church's youth camp since I was in form 1, back in 1996. And I've faithfully attended every single camp except last years. That makes 7 camps in all. I've seen changes taking place...people come and go...and whatever that needs notice of. I've also seen the seniors in the youth grow up together and get married and have kids. I've seen the juniors who were lil' kids like this high ( knee-level ), grow up to teenage punks who love God. I feel old already:P So many changes, and still I have a heart for the youth in Melaka. Somehow, after all the hype here in KL and the excitement here in Acts Church, I still have a certain sense that I need to go back to Melaka someday and do something in the youth fellowships here.

This camp, I was one of the oldest dudes there. There were about 40+ campers, with 30+ guys and 10 girls. More than half of the campers were under the age of 15. That kinda reflects the age margin with the 'kids' and me:P Thankfully, I had my own 'gang' to keep me company. We were the remnants of the 'oldies' of the youth group. Most of us are in uni now, but somehow, we were at camp, more of helpers instead of participators. I helped out most of the time. And other than that, we-the 'oldies'- hung out. I also had the privilege of meeting the younger ones. My roomate was this 12 year old kid. Eventhough the age gap is so big, we still bonded quite well. That means to say, I can get along well with kids, or it could simply mean that I haven't grown up yet:P

In most camps, I've been the organizing committee or something like that, which requires me to run here and there and do this and that. Not this camp! This time, I just relaxed like any other camper. No meetings and meet-ups. Just me and the rest of the 'gang'. Quite relaxing in a way. Made me miss those few early years of camp, before I got involved organizing it. What's sentimental about this camp is the campsite. It was in Seminary Teoloji Malaysia (STM) in Seremban. 5 years ago, in 1999, We had our youth camp at this same place, with the Rev. Pastor Christopher Long as our camp speaker. 5 years in the present, we're here again, with Pastor Kelvin Sim as out speaker. He's currently based in Johor, but was formerly from Melaka. The place brings back lots of memories. *sweet*. The camp layout is pretty unique. And this time round, there were 3 camps going on simultaneously. One camp was some Bible Discovery camp by Scripture Union. Another camp was the School-Leavers camp, by SUFES and the 3rd camp was my very own youth camp. Boy, was it crowded! Not to forget, of all places to bump into, I bumped in Annette and Uncle Vincent Pee there. Apparently they were their camp facilitators. Nice to see them:) According to Annette, the School-Leavers camp had bout 30 girls and only 13 guys...the direct opposite ratio of my camp. Sighz. sad! If only they had a 'camp-exchange' program, that would just be so awesome. Unfortunately for me and my buds, we had to 'check-out' God's beautiful creations of the other camp during meal times; all meals were more or less synchronised at the same time and the same place. Pathetic!

H'anyways, the crappy thing I missed coz I was on the phone was the games on the 1st day:p Those jokers had some crazy idea of using tofu, ( yes yes, the white stuff we eat whenever we go for Yong Tau Fu ) as a substitute to flour and eggs. Halfway through the game, war broke loose, and white tofu was flying everywhere. 100+ tofus were strewn all over the floor and miserably obliterated to a substance close to dust, more like goo. I came in time only to see the mess and I helped clean it up. Pros: I was clean while my buds were messed up with that white crap. Cons: I missed the fun of wasting tofu to bits. Tofu's are not as harmless as you think. They're a lot harder to clean up and will turn a blackish shade of yellow if left overnite in the drain.

see for youself:p

Besides chilling with my buds, the entertainment for camp was a babies. There were a few babies at camp, but this one's the cutest. At times like this, I wish I had kids, ( that definitely don't need cleaning up and feeding:p). Just couldn't resist posting his cute pic up. Look at him, and tell me if you could resist playing with that lil' guy;)

This is the product of seniors in the youth fellowship getting married:) When I met this kid's parents, they just finished schooling. I was a kid myself then. Now look at him! Look at me! I feel old:P Wonder when's my kids gonna come;)

This is the pic of another kid...also a product of another married couple, formerly from my youth group. *chemistry*

This year's camp had a peculiar theme compared to most years:

God manage to get His message across to me. And I knew I wasn't at this camp by accident. I was there fore a reason. Something God wanted me to listen and learn. I was hungry to meet God, and He came. I am hungry for the Word. And I'm watchig the tides rise...preparing to plunge in and swim. God take me deeper! There's got to be more than this!
The details of my encounter will be kept for some other time. But God did come and meet me. And I'm learning to see the mistakes that I've made and the steps I need to take. There's more to this live that I have to live. God's not done with me yet.

me and my 12 year old room-mate. the kid in me lives on!

some of the kids and me:) I feel my youth group has so much potential just waiting to explode!

me and some of the oldies. hope our legacy lives on!

my hand at photography...with the limited camera I have.

A journey with my family begins tommorrow. I shall not keep them waiting with my lack of sleep. To KL, Ipoh and beyond!

Saturday, December 04, 2004

not strong

I wrestle
I struggle
The tide that should not be
Seems like I'm up against an element
Similar to time
I'm not geared up as I'm supposed to be
Where's my courage?
Where's my faith?
God, I know you're there
I need You
Not moving
Stagnant in the comfort of loneliness
Restore the devastation
Of what the locust have eaten
What the enemy has stolen
If You can use anything, Lord
Use me
I echo the voice of others
I'm not strong
But I have God



how Lord?
why Lord?


the strategy for now

Wednesday, December 01, 2004


a dream of many dreams to be
if i lay it down
will it come back to me?
will never know
but do what i have to
i keep dreaming
of other dreams
and of destiny
if it comes back
Lord, You've kept it
for me

Pepsi X

thinking about why I can't sleep... I think the Pepsi X I bought to keep me awake during my drive back, finally is kicking in....a few hours too late! I bought something to keep me up and energised so I wouldn't fall alseep on my drive back, and Pepsi X was all they had. But I was feeling tired then...but now...NO! darn...I'm still awake! Stupid Pepsi X...so much for thinking it was insomnia. (imagining the advertisement for Pepsi X ; the ongoing rave party)

less than 12 hours...topped with insomnia

*insomniac at the moment*

Looking back at my skooling days, I've changed in lots of ways. Some good, some bad. H'anyways, I've become more spontaneous and less ....urm... the word is swimming somewhere in my head, can't seem to fish it out... oh yeah, conservative. I used to think and think and then think again about doing something, which is good, but after awhile, all the thinking holds you back from actually doing anything worthwhile. This impulsive behaviour has benefitted me in several ways, as well as left me in s***holes. I've learnt to live life on the tide, just going with the flow...but,of course, I know the importance of making the right choice and not going with the flow all the time. I've tasted some really enriching experiences, and endured some terrible ones.

For a special friend's birthday, I thought kewl, maybe I could send her home to celebrate with her family. It was a spontaneous decision. I did give it a deep thought...considered all the options...and...ok, went for the idea. A drive close to 300km away from 'home' for a stay of barely 12 hours. The experience: priceless!
Considering that this will be my longest and furthest drive ever, I was a lil excited and tensed. I packed and just went. It was a fleeting moment. The 12 hours flew by faster than a blink. I wish I could have stayed longer, but I had to be home soon (like a good momma's boy). The place has a nostalgic effect on me. Sentimentalism reaches another high. Even the air feels fresher, not to mention the atmosphere just makes time come close to a stand still. Well, even the oranges, taste something......better than oranges!

Though I travelled so far, I could hardly sleep that nite in that place. I don't know why. I had another 3 hours drive the next day, still I couldn't bring myself to sleep. When I finally slept, it was time to go already. Supposed to leave at 7am, but overslept, and left only bout 9am. The morning air is so much fresher and cleaner than our sucky, Cyberjaya air. so much of this suck! I left with a heavy heart, but I gotta do what I gotta do. miss you.

The drive was long...though how fast I sped (still within the speed limit:p) Was praying i didn't fall asleep. Thank God I reached back to Cyberjaya safe. Was listening to sermon messages all the way. Here's the tricky part. Reached Cyberjaya at 12pm. Supposed to pack and head back to Melaka at 1pm. But I slacked, so I left only bout 2pm....and I was tired already from the previous driving. Before I dozed off on the road...I popped in a sermon tape by Ps Sandra...I awoke immediately. My conclusion from this journey, if you wanna stay up on a long drive but u're tired...stay off the road. But if you really can't, put on an exuberant speaker on. It makes a world of difference than putting on u're favourite band or something with music.

Back in Melaka now...with less than 6 hours of sleep the nite before and about 6 hours on the road...i still can't sleep:( must be insomnia kicking in. Supposedly, I should have been knocked out without mercy on my bed rite now...but here I am typing this. Where's the Valium when I need it?

Hope you have a great birthday alrite:) God bless you! Keep dreaming big!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

you, you and you

Lunch today with you was awesome:) I knew you had forgotten. But I hope it did brighten your boring day:) Though picky with your shopping, you're a real 'funny' to be with. Never underestimate shops with small entrances. Sorry no present. It's been a great time of catching up, and catch up we did. Things would be a lot different without you:) Stay you:) Don't be such a pig;) and, you're not FAT! Gonna test out if sour stuff really makes you feel not bloated:)

The drive was serene, with lights to add to the scene. Such a magnificent view of our cyberscapes, the backyard of our space. Sorry that I was tired. Sorry that you hurt. Thanks for sharing the moment. Thanks for understanding. Thanks for being there. I wish I could offer more, but I'm Le'Tired. Your questions rips me open, I can't deny it anymore. Need to face my fears. The questions still play itself, like a broken record. You inspire, the missing person, the boy that had faith to move the mountains. Where is he now? It takes only one man, to change a generation.

Distracted, are you there? Phone rings, do you hear? Do you know? Feel? Are you? I wish I knew. I wish you knew. Still here. painfully waiting. for answers. wait. wait. wait. hope u feel :) hope u find what you are looking for. you're beautiful:)

You walk with your heart. Your heart has the capacity to move broken feet. Your moving feet moves hearts. What drives you? What keeps you going? You challenge me. You make me count my blessings. I pray you live a blessed life. With your determination, I'm inspired and moved. I still owe you lunch someday :)

Drift. How far have we gone our own ways. NOt much to lose sight, but enough for the heart to feel the absence. I miss you. You understood and you cared. thank you. I still care. We shall make that appointment soon alrite:)

I don't want to hate you but I do. You're in the way. So close, yet so far. Stop messing around. Your actions hurt. You don't understand. You never were in the picture. Why are you here now.

post-exams syndrome

*heart beats slowly*

I'm finally here, taking a breather from life. Ever since my exams started, I haven't had the chance to relax. I've been on the go, and on the go.

Monday and Tuesday were exam days for me. Really thank God that I found the 1st paper 'do-able'. I felt like I manage to nail the paper down satisfactorily. The next day's paper wasn't as 'yeah' as I thought it would be. Since it was the last paper for me, I really wanted to walk out the exam hall with a relieved cheer in my heart...but I was proven otherwise. All I felt was like...I could have done better. But it's all over, and I thank God that it was all better than I expected.
The funny thing, I ended my exams before some others even started. This trimester has been a real slow going time. My assignments ended bout 2 weeks before the study break, while some of my counterparts had to slog at their assignments till nearly the last day. That's something to thank God for.

H'anyways, I'm into this H'ok fever. If you wanna know about it, check this and this out. It's been my cheap source of entertainment throughout my study week and the examination.

Back to my life. After the exams, while most of my other friends were still in the midst of their exams, I was going places. I was visiting friends over lunch, or guy shopping sprees, or music practices and things like that. I manage to hang out with my Pakistani friend for quite a bit. It's been just great. He's going back to his 'motherland', and won't be back till...h'anyways, it is hotter than the armpits, in an oven, under this guy. When it is this hot, the t-shirt holds the sweat like the camel holds the water. (to understand this, click and see the links i gave u). okokok. Enough already. It's been great making friends with International students. Such a rich experience. Besides shopping with him, there was music practices that I had to go for, appointments to keep, games to play...bz bz bz!

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a rest day for me. Really need to catch up on my sleep. Really need to catch up on my dreams.


Monday, November 22, 2004

you won't...

My final exams starts today. Yet, I still feel no pressure. I wonder why? Could it be peace? I don't know. But taking a breather for now in the wee hours of the morning.

You won't understand joy
Till you experienced pain
You won't understand freedom
Till you've worn the chains
You won't taste the sweetness of victory
Till you swallowed the bitterness of defeat
You won't be strong
Till you've been weak
You won't understand patience
Till you've learnt to wait
You won't cling on to faith
Till you lose your doubts

So much's been going on the past few days of the last week. I ask why are somethings just happening all over and over again. Too bogged down to be strong.

Thanks for believing in me.

Friday, November 19, 2004

grace covers me

Getting out of this game
No room left for pain
Time to heal
And restoration begin
I beg not to pass this way again
Lest history becomes my path
I seek peace
I must find it
Mercy travels alone
And picks friends on the way
I shall follow it
Grace be my cover

Thursday, November 18, 2004

points to pound-er

Points I pondered:

1)What is the role of the computer?

Somehow, our cyber culture has molded a mojority of us to be a pc-dependant society. It's a good thing in one sense, but it has some drawbacks. Met some of my friends studying in IMU over the weekend, and all of them can hardly stare at the pc for more than 30 mins. Here I am; The first thing I do when I wake : Stare at the pc. Then After coming back from class : stare at the pc. In between breaks of free time : stare at the pc. Playing computer games : duh! stare at the pc. Before I sleep : Stare at the pc. Everything revolves around a pc. I find it weird that my other friends prefer to sms instead of using yahoo to communicate (yahoo's free, if you don't consider the breadband bill). freaks! anyways, the downside is that we always communicate through the pc, even if we're 1 meter apart. How slack can this get? We kinda lose a lil bit of our social skills. Some people are so happening online...but in real life, they're so quiet. WE live in a pseudo world. All said and done, the pc still rocks coz we don't need a separate Hi-Fi or television or radio or even go to the movie...though i still do that occasionally. We have it all in the pc, that's if you have your aLtec and your 19inch monitor and a fine graphic and sound card...blah blah blah!

2)Keep your friends close, your enemies even closer

Hmmmm....with enemies like those, who needs friends? but the guy who quoted this sure had a point. respect*


wish i could say more, but time is not permitting me to yack more here...and besides, I'm getting busy with keeping my enemies even closer...*dang*

oh crum!


The last time i checked, I had 20 days before my first paper. Now, it's less than 5 days!! Whoah! Time sure flies:P and sad to say, in between those days, i hardly touched my books. Let me recall, went for movies and shopping and outings and back home to Melaka. Yeah was back there. Didn't have much time for myself. Had to do some visitings and outings. But it was fun, jsut wished that I had studied more:p

The clock is ticking, so better start work again. Still thinking of the solid and awesome food back home....sighz...

Saturday, November 13, 2004


Not stoned because I drank or took drugs. But stoned because I've heard bad news. Sometimes, when you hear something tragic, your body and mind just goes numb. For a moment, you just don't feel anything. The magnitude of the matter is slowly setting in. As it sinks, your mind kicks in again, and you start to feel. I'm in that phase, and the sinking in is taking a lil longer than expected. Embracing myself for the full blast of emotions that will course through my soul in a short while. Just waiting. Feeling betrayed. Trust broken.

God, I need Your grace to carry me through this. I need Your grace to go on. I can't do this on my own. So misunderstood. When the crowd only hears what they want to. When they don't really know what's happening. Carry me. When I'm wrongly judged. When accused falsely. When what I believe fails me. When I'm disillusioned. Weak

Sunday, November 07, 2004

24 hours

imagine : a visit home that was less than 24 hours!
I decided to go home to Melaka on SAturday morning. I left Cyberjaya at 6am after little sleep, reached Melaka soil about 8 am, and by 7 am the following day, I departed my much missed home. *hectic* funny...i reached Acts on Sunday just in time to see ppl streaming out the entrance:p I was that late back. truthfully, I had to send a friend back to IMU. Checked out his house and met his housemates. kewl! thinking of bunking there in the coming weekends:p

it's been such an 'emo' week. somehow, so many others are feeling 'emo' as well. is it a phase?
well, i've had my share of emo. gotta run. always busy busy busy.

Monday, November 01, 2004

* BIG *

Really claiming to the words of this song:
Planet Shakers

My God is big
So strong so mighty
My God's plan for me
Goes beyond my wildest dreams
My God is good
He's so good to me

He's my God and He is my refuge
He's the rock on which I stand
He's my fortressGod, He is my life
He holds the oceans in his hand

There's nothing my God cannot do

Just got back from AYA 9th Anniversary Dinner. This finally concludes my 3 days of non-stop action. Superbly tired.

Friday-Mid-Valley Megamall. Just wanted to unwind. So went shopping. You know what happens when guys go shopping with girls...sigh...didn't buy much...just a guitar book and 3 air-plane models. Enjoyed the company:) Thanks Mel, Charis, Kae Ee. Bumped into Beckyz, Celine and Audrey...and a few others:P
Saturday-Woh Fatt guitar shop. Went to look for guitar cases with Nicky, Lenard and Kae Ee. walk around KL, music shop after music shop. Didn't buy anything except guitart strings in the end. At nite, 1st visit ever to DUMC! Reminds me so much of FGA KL. It was a new experience:) thanks Auds.
Sunday-Church@ SUmmit was awesome. Can u believe i actually wanted to skip church due to tiredness. I thank God i didn't. It was a great message. Learnt about Truth and Grace, how they should go hand in hand:) How there is Power in Grace!

Today, as I sat in the dinner, i was moved and challenged once again as I saw the accomplishments of AYA in just this one year since the last anniversary dinnerHow God has moved through AYA. AYA has managed to expand so much more, and all Glory goes to God! AYA is going all out to meet the needs of a 'tribe' called the young people. I want my life to be one filled with testimonies. I want to live my life for a higher purpose than just myself. I want to be used mightily by God. A gentle reminder, life is not just about me!

Dear God,
I'm weak. I'm falling. I see You moving. And I want in on that! But I'm trembling. My vision shaking. If you can use anything, use me too! I don't want to miss out.
Un-fill me of my self, and fill me with You. One life to live, and i don't wanna waste it. Change my heart. I need You. The world needs You...and I can bring that message to them. There is nothing You cannot do. Help me see beyond my struggles at the bigger picture. You've blessed me too much to be depressed. Help me make the best of it. You've paid too much for me to waste it away. I need You.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

BFV 9667

Today ended my mid-term tests:) 2 subjects this trimester, with 3 mid-term papers. The last 2 papers were yesterday and today. Some moments of freedom at last...but what's the use? I got an assignment due Monday. There goes my 'holiday' :p

Really thankful to God for seeing me through both papers pretty well. Manage to answer more than half...an achievement for me. Today's paper was a maths paper. It was OK i guess. Towards the end, I got a lil rushed and overconfident. And I messed up one tiny section. Realised my mistake only after I went out the hall. Mien!! I wanted to kick my own ass so badly! I was careless...!!! Just when I thought I could get 20 out of 20 for this paper...there it goes!

After CF, had supper then back home. Had a deep online talk with a friend. Unravelled some sensitive issues. Kinda make me wanna just burst out with an argument...but I had to swallow my pride as I heard her out and tried to be open to opinions. I had to look at myself and see the mistakes I make. Lord, teach me to be like You. After that talk...feeling drained and deep in thought...I got a phone call telling me that my car (which I loaned to Mich) couldn't be moved out of the parking lot because some inconsiderate driver had parked their car directly behind mine. So, Mich and Nicky had been waiting for bout an hour for the owner to repark the car before they called me.

I went over...using Rach's car. Took out my hammer and made a nice big hole in the glass window of the driver's side. I relished the sound as glass met metal and within the split second, tiny bits of crystalized liquid flew everywhere. One piece grazed my cheek. It stung, but it excited me. Seeing glass everywhere, i put my hand in the newly made hole, and released the hand brake. I watched it silently as it rolled forward, like a lumbering beatle, out of my car's path...and into the rear of the car in front of it. As the sound of metal against metal reached my ear, i thought to myself....serve it rite.

Haha! those didn't happen. I wish la. No! Just my imagination running wild. Something inside me told to suppres my anger against this inconsiderate doink. I breathed alot to keep myself calm. Left my car there, with a sweet note on the screen of the offending car. We took Rach's car back instead.

So much for loving one another and to forgive...still in the learning process.

Monday, October 25, 2004


God says to forgive...but it's just so hard sometimes:P

That's besides the point. My pathetic friend has got me really pi**ed. Sad to say, he's also my future rubber-band member. What to do? If only i had scratched his brand new Ibanez Sound Gear 5-stringed bass guitar when i had the chance *develish grin*. That should teach him a lesson.

The basis for my displeasure is that this punk 'team-killed' me twice. What the crap man! The first time was in a nipple-fight (believe it!). The second was in a birthday bash...which was yesterday.

Sighz. Wait till I get him and show him some 'loving'. Can't wait for his birthday...then he'll wish he was never born, Muahaha!

Anyways, this is just a stress buster. Got a test tonite and tomoro nite as well. back to work.

wrestled the angel, for more than a name

I want to wrestle You and find answers
Answers to questions that I have yet to form
Time is constantly ticking
And my life in this Uni is reaching an end
This battleground would be useless if i have learnt nothing of it
I'm wasting away and I know it
I won't let go of this grip, even if I have a limp to my walk
It would be worth it
For I have wrestled You and sought the divine
Give me strength to not give up
Give me passion to carry on
Give me courage to endure
Give me You that I seek

Thursday, October 21, 2004

5 letter 'S' word

'Sorry' doesn't mean anything if it is just a word
'Sorry' achieves nothing is it is without a basis
There are days when 'Sorry' flows freely
There are days it gets scarce

The closer the tie
The deeper the cut
The deeper the bond
The higher the hopes

In a world chasing riches and fame
'Sorry' is but a phase
There are those that see
There are those that don't
For those who see, they fill a need
For those who don't......

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

see through me

Just back from CF. Had Pastor Joanne from Melaka with us today. She brought a team of punks : Justin, Joash and Soly. Good to see them:) Somehow, I thank God that the relationship between some of the uni students from Cyber and Melaka are pretty good. We did a personality test during the meeting. I had done this test earlier this year, and the results i got was:
>> expected me : SI
>> real me : SI

Both the results were pretty much equal. For those in the blur, there are basically 4 types of personality : D - Dominant, I - Influential, S - Steady, C - Conscientious. For most people, they would have a primary character type personality, followed by a secondary type personality.

Well, this time round, the results i got was :
>> expected me : SI
>> real me : IS

Somehow, I've evolved from an S type person to an I type person. It's a normality that people's personality change from time to time, depending on the situation they are in when they take the test. Someone told me that most probabably the I in me just emerged recently. As the surroundings and situations change, the personality is possible to face corrections as well. So here I am, and I for now:)

Off late, I've been wondering if people have been talking right thru me. It's not that I'm really affected by it, but more of curious as to how translucent I am. Sometimes, I can be in a conversation with them, before they bolt off into another conversation with someone else, while the current conversation with me is halfway through. And I'm left there stunned! It's happened a few times by different people and it leaves me wondering whether is it just me, or the people around me who have a problem. Am I that boring that I dull their already stagnant thoughts and cause them to take flight the first opening of interest comes their way? I really don't know. And the people facing this malfunction are people who are close to me. I just don't get it. Sometimes, you just have to wonder....

Thursday, October 14, 2004


There was a terrible blackout here in Cyberia last nite. So far, it's the first in history of Cyberia...well, maybe for a nite case. Over the years, Cyberia has faced quick power outages, but the restoration was almost immediate. so we never had to feel the pinch of living without electricity. there was one afternoon when the power went out for a couple of hours, but i wasn't affected that much...was out for class. BUt last nite, as i was just chilling, the power went out...and it stayed out for a good few hours. simultaneously, the population of cyberia went into uncontrolled frenzy. some were shouting like monkeys, some were wailing, some were cheering, some were doing dunno what! but it was a madhouse about half an hour. never did understand why the rush of craziness. but the sounds of humans went on for some time. fortunately for the residents of every other block except A3, the power came back just as soon as it left. unfortunately for the residents of A3, the in-house power generatoer was allegedly down. some said they saw smoke billowing out of the TNB room below. i saw smoke still lingering outside.

The good thing about blackouts, it somehow brings people together. when i got back home, i was surprised to see everyone, all huddled together in the center of my hall, jsut talking and joking around. no longer stuck to their pcs, they were free to joke and talk around. you don't really see much of this these days.they discussed what they could play together to pass time, or whether supper somewhere out in town was a good idea. i was tired and all i wanted to do, was just lie in the darkness and let the serene atmosphere (most ppl had shut up after the power came back, and those who had not, had been shot dead by the guards for disturbing the peace of the babies). i lay on my bed, and i was thankful that the air was cool. Without a fan, i still had good sleep till this morning. thank God:)

I don't really know why in the world i'm typing this, but maybe i just wanted to write...boring man.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Mental Constipation

Mental Constipation : a common occurance of mental blackouts when facing a stress related situation. the subject has been deeply studied and revised, and yet, when the proper time for its usage has come, your mind just goes blank. the fact is, you have stuffed your brains with the much needed facts and information, yet, the constipation of the mind disallows any dissemintaion of the salient facts. such occurance are common during exam and test periods. till today, no cure is available for this rare but sudden disease. experts believe that going outdoors for a brisk walk and enjoying the view of nature will help the contstipated mind be at ease again. however, in most cases, the bearer of the mind will find sudden relief of this condition once they step out of the exam hall. by then, it is too late.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

no greater love

as i'm typing this...a 2 hour lecture is going on. well, woke up on the only side of bed, late. so there goes my class. anyways, partly my fault. i watched I,Robot to pass the time last nite...only to be interrupted to watch Fahrenheit 9/11...which was also interrupted by sleep...to then be interrupted by a visit to the Putrajaya Hospital...whoever you are...i hope u're ok:P stop vomitting ok! it's gross:P

continued my I,Robot movie till bout 6am.it's a really cool show. and it gaved me the chills. what if really one day the world has robots walking as one of us? what if one day, we have to befriend them, what if they take us over? it's something to think about.

anyways, i've been wanting to post up my last weekends experience watching the Passion of the Christ. yeah, i'm late watching it. but so what! watched it at One Utama with Evelin. all this while i had the movie in my pc, but haven't watched it yet. it's a cinema screener version. a few months ago, during my hols, Jason came over to my house and we were thinking of watching it...we felt like watching a kewl movie. after one minute into the show, we just decided we weren't ready to watch it:( coz from last weekends, experience, it's not a casual movie that u jsut watch u pass time.

anyways, i did prepare myself to watch it, after hearing all kinds of reports from others who've watched it before. it's like a bible story coming to life. i was moved by what i saw. it may just be a movie, but it was depicted very well. and i couldn't take it when i saw Jesus flogged, my eye's burst. every flogging he got, i knew He did it for me. i watched as they accused Him, they taunted Him, but the Son of God never retaliated. He took the blame and the shame, for me. He endured it all, for me, so that i might have eternal life. i imagine that someone else who had gotten that kinda of flogging, would probably have died even as he tried to carry the cross and do a cross country all the way to the mountain. seriously,come to think of it, dying on the cross isn't so glamarous and simple as alot of artist put it in their paintings. it never crossed my mind, that the journey from where Jesus was flogged to where He was crucified was such a long and distant one. i never imagined He was soo bloodied and broken as He carried the sins of the world to the mountain. i never thought that He had to go through so much just to be crucified. to be honest, i tot that He was escorted like a VIP all the way to the cross and they carefully nailed Him in. but now, when i see it, as i write this, i'm grateful that He endured all that, to purchase my freedom and salvation. as though being flogged to bits, till, there's hardly skin left, wasn't bad enough, He had to carry His heavy cross. it's like running a race, or more of walking the race. His destination, Mount Golgotha. I feel that an ordinary person who had just been whipped like there's no tomoro, and having to carry such a heavy piece of wood, being taunted and whacked along the way, would have died carrying the cross. imagine, if i was the one, i would probably died of exhaustion, on the road. right there. I believe Jesus, though God, was human at the same time and He must have felt whatever a human feels. that's said so in the Bible. He must have wanted to give up and succumb to the pain and the fatigue. but He didn't! imagine, if He had given up on the road and died there instead of going all the way and dying on the cross, we would be evangelising to other's that : Jesus died on the road along the way to save you and i ! imagine how that would sound like? but i'm so grateful that He went all the way, each painful step, with me on His mind. with you on His mind. no greater sacrifice! as He was nailed..His hands and His feet...as He hung there, taking the blame of every sin in the world on Himself, when He was so innocently pure...He thought about you and i. God's master plan for our redemption! Love manifested!

somehow, this movie has brought alot of things into perspective in my life. whatever i've gone through, Jesus has endured a whole lot more. He was rejected, He was accused, He was beaten, He was denied, He was betrayed, He was crucified...yet He did no sin.
here i am, rethinking my life, what He has purchased me for...am i really that worth it? Each time i think of the bloodied face of my King, the blood that should have been mine...i'm ever so grateful that my heart sings praise and gives worship. i was redeemed for so much more, than just sit here and do nothing.

if i was there witnessing Jesus falling with the cross on Him, i would have carried it for Him all the way, or at least helped Him to. but i wasn't born then. and it challenges me to carry my cross now, though not a physical one. as i carry it, i know i can do it, coz someone has gone before me to show that it can be done. thank you Jesus.

Friday, October 01, 2004

nobody knows what it's like to be the bat-man

nobody likes to be the bad guy
sometimes u just are the bad guy
and u never know why
a crime happens
and you're obvlious to what's happening
next thing, the gun's in your hand
and you wonder how u became the offender

you try hard to live right
but at the end, you're misunderstood
and you wonder, is it worth the fight

you give your best
but you fall short
u wonder, should you have even tried

innocence is lost
just by a speck of guilt
simplicity looses it's substance
when you add an extra unknown

but you still keep trying
you don't give up

i'm sorry for being the bad guy...
never wanted this job
but sometimes, it happens
and here i am with the gun...
innocently guilty

Monday, September 27, 2004

all dressed up and nowhere to go

all dressed up and no where to go...
just completed my supp exam paper. thank God i could do it. now i leave the results to the hands of God...i've done my part, and my best.

felt like shouting out, like, "Yeah! it's over". realised i would be shouting alone...everyone has already experienced this feeling ages ago. since the semester started one week ago, i've been preparing for this paper while my housemates are free to indulge in their games, my other friends, gone out shopping and to outings and to movies...me...stuck here. but what to do?

feel relieved that at least it's over. now i can get on with my life...the life of constant study for this coming semester. every semester it's liek the same...i set my goals high...but always fall short of it. but i'll still keep aiming high...i won't give up...go all the way with it...my best...even if fail trying.

so much i want to do...i've just been let out of prison...standing in the front entrance, bidding my cell mates goodbye. holding my bag of clothes, the only property i owned during the dark days...i tip my hat to the sun, good to see you again...i take in a breath of fresh air, my lungs the state of a bursting balloon.the world is before me...a second chance...it's good to be free...

Saturday, September 25, 2004


some writers just stick on you. some people dig Tom Clancy, some Stephen King, some John Grisham,some JRR Tolkien, some CS Lewis, some Sidney Sheldon, some Danielle Steel (or was it Steele), and a whole list of other writers, including God. yeah, He wrote the BestSeller:)

anyways, i've finally found one that i've really enjoyed his masterpieces. was in the library yesterday, supposedly studying, and i stumbled upon 2 novels by John Irving. yeah, that's the punk who wrote The World According to Garp, and it's been a good read. well, i borrowed those other 2 books : A Widow for One Year and A Prayer for Owen Meany. the gist of the story written on the backpages really got me wanting to read it immediately. unfortunately, my test wouldn't be questioning me on who's who by John Irving. sighz! so much for literature.
anyways, i'm looking forward to a long good read after my exams:)

some authors are too technical, some too abstract, some too serious and boring, but some has the soup at just the right temperature. that's John Irving for me;) challengingly creative and sardonically funny.

if you stop reading, you stop learning
read for your future
read for your kids

-this message is a community service message-


i speak what i must
to let the air out of my lungs
meanless, but essential
i'd rather burst trying
than die keeping it in like a horrible fart
if i say
'you're stupid'
will you feel offended?
not you
wasn't talking about you;)
it was the other person down the street
who has feathers on his caps
and a bag of cold hard coins
the mind is a platform of sorts
the stage of events to take place
yet not even happen
it's all in the mind
the flap of a butterfly wing
could cause a typhoon
on the other side of the world
the butterfly effect
is this really it?
mary had a little lamb
but does it really matter
if it was a dog or cat?
jottings of the mind
excuse me
i need to fart...


betrayed with a smile
undone with a frown
landed hopes
never to take flight again
you gave yourself away
you sold your heart
i never knew the magnitude
of the speed of your drifting
i never knew the velocity
in which you were swept away
i never knew you let yourself
fall in the hopes and dreams
and arms of the others
u fell and crawled
i never knew
find yourself
find your peace
redeem your heart
redeem your self
i wish i could
but the winds are changing
i'm here

Friday, September 24, 2004

a tribute to solitude

the silence creeps upon me like nite
slowly but surely
the sickening feeling of being alone
eats to my guts
i've hardly felt this before
this foreign feeling...
playing solitaire
boredom is my highlight
'boring' was never my motto
now this desease creeps
into my system
how did it ever get here
i wait
will You come?
will You fill me?
desperate for a touch
more than just human
a touch of love
it's all quiet
drawn away from
the maddening crowd
are You leading me?
am I to find You?
please come...

not good enough

can i make it clean again.
not good enough
i can't fix it
bent and broken
knowledge isn't always good
a blank sheet to start with
but can u see the folds
empty but filled
wasted and wiped away
i'm sorry
sorry isn't good enough
if i could offer back
your innocence
i would
the pearls of time
all my doing
i'm sorry
sorry isn't good enough
if i could make it right
if time was tangible
i'm sorry
sorry isn't good enough

Thursday, September 23, 2004

week one already?

so begins the semester...everyone is having a helluva time meeting old pals up and doing crazy stuff. and here i am, sitting at home studying. can't wait to get over with this supplementary paper, and start preparing for my semester studies. so far, i haven't missed a single class, and i've been awake for all my classes. miraculously, i have enough sleep each nite and i manage to wake up in time for all my classes. praise God!

well, i felt despair as i was preparing for my supp exams. so far, most of the classmates i know passed, and i was the only dumbo who failed. it kinda gives u a sucky feeling...like u're such a dumbass. i've been asking God why...why do i have to go through this? i faced this situation last semester, and this semester too? i really don't understand. and there i am with ppl praising God for their good results...and i ask God, why can't i be liek them too. how come i'm not the one giving testimony of my good results? i did study, but the wrong things. i couldn't answer coz i studied the wrong things. questions just comes. I know that God loves me and all that...but sometimes, it's harder to face it. i really felt weird when some of my friends tried encouraging me with 'holy talk', and i was so pushed back by it. i wonder if there were others who felt like me when i tried encouraging them liek that.

anyways, there's still alot of things to thank God for i guess. and my spirit is still not dampened. jsut a setback as for now, but my life goes on.really excited about this semester. jsut have to get over this exam, and the world is before me.woohoo!

jsut got back from seeing my lecturer about the paper, and he's been a great help. really gonna study what he told me to. gonna leave the results to God. just gonna be faithful with my studies and give it my best shot. the results are in his hands.

things to look forward to:
1)getting ready for CyberChristmas
2)jamming with Knil Army
3)working on my own Rubber Band
4)studying this semesters subjects
5)shopping....(i've been deprived of this since all the mega sales falls on my exam period)

back to studies for now...

Monday, September 20, 2004

the world according to.....

The World According To Garp, by John Irving is one of the best novel i've ever read. it's simplistic plan that slowly unveils itself kept me entertained during the last week of my holidays. I just couldn't put the book down. the story is pretty deep and thick. the plot goes all the way down and up again. and every bit is explained in due time. it's not one of those novels where you go ,"what the Heck!", at the end, but rather it leaves a satisfying after-effect to your mind. (it should, since it has nearly 600 pages. if it didn't i would have murdered the author). this novel can't be described with a few words, so if you happen to come across this book, get a read on it. no regrets!

The trimester is bout to begin in a few hours time. as i sit here typing, i'm bogged by my supplementary exams. everyone else is enjoying themselves getting into gear for the start of skool. i'm doing the same, minus the enjoyment part. it's nice to hear ppl getting what they prayed for like passing the exams, getting 6 As, achieving this, and that. and i look at myself...what did i miss out? all i asked was to get 3.00 and i missed that. life. i know it's just an exam, but still, wouldn't it be nice to get some nice grades for awhile? Lord, there's so much i don't understand...

"I don't wanna live in a bubble
but i don't wanna be hurt"

Thursday, September 16, 2004

from Nero to Hero!

note correction:

Heard from Zero to Hero? well, this case is from Nero to Hero.
yeap! talking bout that lil' pup. after further discussion, the majority won anonymously that the name should be Hero. it's kinda getting cute. and somehow, i'm bonding pretty much with it. that lil' punk seems to be marking it's territory everywhere.sighz! dogs will be dogs.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


why do i feel this way
this stupidity overwhelms me
so in need of Grace

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

and then there was Nero

mum said a dog has been in the housing area for sometime. and yesterday, dad suddenly let it into our compound. immediately, it made itself at home, marking it's territory here and there with a flick of it's leg and a few drops of piss. dogs will be dogs. well, my sisters took an immediate liking to it, so did my dad. my mum was a little apprehensive at first, but it soon grew on her. from the looks of it, the dog looks pretty old but quite well trained. there was a cut on it's eye, and soon enough, my dad and sisters gave it a thorough bath and some medication for the eye. somehow, the name Nero came up. sounds dumb to me, but ask my sisters. i liked the name Blackie better.


this is the other dog i have, Sunni (pronounced as Soon-Nee)

GIG-Get Into God!!! (part 2)


i thought i was late for breakfast. everyone was already there finishing their meal. was too full to eat, but still forced myself to have a bite. it was a really big bite...a whole plateful of potato wedges and eggs! halfway through my meal, there was a small commotion as Joel brought the gift for Pastor Kenneth and Pastor Sandra's Wedding Anniversary into the dining hall. we cheered! 9 years of marriage! Praise the Lord! btw, yesterday was Joel's birthday. after the meal, had to take a couple of panadols to kill the headached. thanks to Jill who was the 'nurse'.

at church, if i've forgotten to mention, it was this shoplot, a huge one, and the place really look kewl! it was spacious and the colors matched each other. not to forget, the lightings they had was really artistic! i've never seen a church like it. it also had that spinning disco ball up above us. wonder what that's for? anyways, where was i? oh yeah! the morning's event was a session taken by Pastor Kenneth to share the vision God gave to him years ago to the leaders of the churches here. i sat and listened and i was challenged all over again. it was another reminder to me why i was serving in Acts church. after that session, we had a break followed by a family-youth forum. we had two panels and we talked about what problems parents faced with youths and vice-versa. really hope it managed to clear up some stuff between the 2 generations.

we had lunch nearby, and the musicians had to come back early to soundcheck for the nite's concert. honestly, this church had state of the art musical equipments and sound systems! the amp i used for my acoustic guitar could make any guitar sound good! hehe! by the time we soundchecked...i was pretty wonked out. i was tired and drowsy. and the flu lingering in my system wasn't helping much. as i sat on the stage listening to the choir going through their rounds, i actually dozed off! that's how tired i was. i was so engrossed in getting back to the hotel room to get some sleep that i didn't pack my guitar case properly. when i lifted up the case later on, the case opened and my guitar plopped out clumsily like a broken doll to the floor. sighz...the guitar fell....again! i inspected the damage, *ouch*. my heart broke a lil as i saw a terrible looking indent on the front side of the guitar. it's like seeing a small but noticeable dent on your car. mien! i was bummed! everyone saw it, and tried to console me as though i got news that my guitar had cancer:p after awhile, i wasn't really bothered. all i wanted was to have enough rest, so that during the concert that nite, i wouldn't feel lethargic and i could give God my best in the worship. that was all that's on my mind. the moment i reached back to the hotel....*zonked out*

woke up with enough time to get ready and head back...this time all geared up and without that irritatin headache. Praise God! i guess that short moment of sleep really did me good. i was excited! i was all geared up to rock the concert! i was excited for God to move! we reached church and prayed our hearts out with the rest of the leaders. this was also an evangelistic concert, and we claimed lives for God in our prayer. i could feel the excitement rising!

the emcees came up and their overused line, "let's make some noise" really got the crowd noisy alrite. the 1st band that came up was Orange Stained Shirt consisting of 4 teenagers. they were all so young....i dun even dare call them teenagers. maybe they were jsut kids. i guess bout 10-12. seriously that young! the drummer was really good and he was only 10. i don't know about the rest, but one of the guitars was played by a girl! go gurl! she didn't look like a girl in fact. must be due she still look kiddy or something. but we were told that they won the Battle Of The Bands this year. they sung 3 songs...they were good for their age. i was really impressed! somehow, Kuching had alot of young musical talent. Their songs reminded me of Jason Lo.

after they ended their last song, the Actstream band (that's us) came up! we played our hearts out! WE sang our all. i played liek never before. it's a different atmosphere playing for Sunday Service and a concert. but i made sure my heart was right before God as i stepped onto the stage. it was a tremendous time of worship. i stared into the crowd and it was packed to the max, bout 600 ppl on that hall. the air was thick with praise and worship.

in between, Elsa shared her testimony of how God saved her and her family. it was awesome!
as we ended, Pastor Kenneth came up and took over. he preached about his challenge to the young ppl to take their generation for JEsus Christ. about half of his message was filled with laughter. it was funny, i admit! but as he closed the message, he said that he had come to the serious part: GET INTO GOD! i was moved as i saw young ppl touched by God in that place. nearly everyone responded to the altar call. i had the experience of praying for the people. something i've hardly done. it's just amazing to see young ppl turn their hearts to God. till now, the image of young ppl turning their hearts to God never fail to move me. we prayed and prayed and after praying for everyone, we closed with a couple more songs.

as we left, i manage to meet up some familiar faces i met the day before and really had a great time fellowshipping with them. we had supper and then balik to sleep

next day was a lil more relaxed since we didn't have to be in charge of anything. however, we were asked to dress our sunday best, which included a tie for the guys. felt a bit weird as we walked into a church full of youth dressed casually and here we were, with ties and all. Pastor Kenneth had gone over to the adult church while Pastor Sandra took the Youth Service. worship was great! the place was pack once again with young ppl. this time i saw the disco light thing spinning as we worshiped. then afterwards, a peculiar communion service was held. they got us in groups of ten, with ppl we didn't know and asked one representative to come forth. i went out for my group. we were brought to this table which had a few huge loafs of uncut bread and some cups of juice. i took a chunk of bread and a cup back to my group. we were suppsoed to divide the bread and the juice for the communion. it was kewl! after that, they asked for representative from the different churches gathered and each one held on to one end of a huge cloth. that cloth was the offering bag! yeah, we had to walk in front and drop our offering into it. another kewl thing!

Pastor Sandra took on the message and challenged the people with her message and God moved again. The altar was packed once again and we prayed again. GOd was really movign in that place. i really hope it won't be a one time thing but an on-going process of change taking place in their lives.

after that we went for lunch, and a lil shopping jsut to get something for our loved ones back home. Kuching had some kewl shopping complexes:P not to forget a Coffee Bean and Kenny Rogers. got loads of pepper for my mum. hehe!

went back to the hotel, and packed and off we went to the airport. the day we touched down on Kuching it rained heavily for a while. then there was no rain. as we were about to leave Kuching it started pouring...till some roads were flooded! MIEN!

same thing, one group got onto MAS and the other on Air Asia. wanna thank God for protecting us all the way there and back. really thankful He sustained me from catching a fever.
all in all, it's been a totally aweseom experience for me. i've learnt so much from the people around me. and it's been great fellowship with the other team members. sometimes, church isn't enough to get to know one another till u actaully hang out with them and work with them.


GIG-Get Into God!!! (part 1)

back from GIG! it was a tremendously awesome experience. now in the comforts of my home in Melaka.

well, everything started on Thursday nite. the GIG team was going to Sarawak in 2 groups coz we couldnt get everyone into the same flight...i think so:P so the 1st group flew on MAS Airlines on Thursday nite. I was in the 2nd group, using Air Asia. and our flight was on Friday morning at 7 am. anyways, the 1st group had the privilege of reaching Kuching by 12am on Friday, and had the comfort of sleeping in the hotel, and having the hotel breakfast. the 2nd group however, had to bunk in homes near Subang on thursday nite, get little sleep before getting dragged out of bed at 4am, to meet at the airport, fly all the way there with heavy eyes and reach the hotel in time to miss breakfast. but, it was all fun! woohoo!

really thank God we arrrived safely! our plane hit some turbulence here and there but i felt peace the whole way, unlike the last flight i had. all the morning suffering was compensated with having an awesome lunch session at Jit Nee's parents home. her mum is a tremendous cook. altogether, there were 19 of us in the team, but i think she prepared food for 50 ppl! it was alot! there was like 3 rice cookers of Chicken Rice...loads of chicken and pork...and vege and fruits and prawns...and .....loads of delicious stuff. i had 3 huge helpings...after being 'encouraged' to eat more. halfway throught the 3rd plate, i was on teh verge of exploding. Albert said eating liek this was more like long distance running: we should start eating at a constant pace. whateva! i had to really focus hard to get that last bit of meat into my already tired mouth. ultimately i did it, after much struggle. cut the long story short, we had a thanksgiving session to God after wards for teh safe journey and a little walk around town to get some lil souvenirs first. the walk aroudn that area of town brought back alot of nostalgic memories, coz i did walk down those streets jsut a few months earlier.

somehow, this time round, i didn't feel so much like a tourist, but more of a Man With a Mission. so instead of venturing out sumore, i felt i needed all the rest i could get to give my best that nite. slept the moment i entered the hotel till wake up time. most of us slept too. that nite, Pastor Sandra took a short session about Worship and after that we broke up into our workshop groups. Pastor Sandra's message was a gentle reminder to me again about worship. i had to undertake the guitar worship workshop with Bryan. it was my first time ever conducting such a thing and i was a lil panicky...dropped my guitar even thinking about it *ouch* as i stood before the group of budding guitarists, i went blank, and all i wanted to say to them left me totally. really appreciate Bryan filling in and taking over till i had time to think. we couldn't really cover much on the aspects of skills and techniques, but i hope i had imparted to them on the reason why we worship with our instruments and how do we go about it. had to cut the session short as time ran out. later we gathered together again for Band Dynamics lead by David Gary. He called out various bands to try out the band dynamics. after all that, we had supper. The locals treated us really well and brought us to nice places to have our dinner-cum-supper. after all that, what else sumore? sleep la!

next day woke up with a sore head...due to the flu and the lack of sleep the nite before. felt really screwed up but i was looking forward to the meeting. was really groggy as i stepped into the shower, refreshed as i felt the hot water spray on me and sleepy as i stepped out again. haha, so much for the hot shower. walked into the breakfast lounge with a dazed look. headached still pounding.

to be continued

Thursday, September 09, 2004

GIG.....on the way

tomoro's the big day! GIG Kuching here we come!
kinda excited bout the whole thing. keep praying for us ok:) the team is bonding really well, and i'm excited to see what God's gonna do.not too sure what's gonna happen, but i'm expecting God to move mightily. won't be here for the next few days (friday-sunday).
see you all soon!

Latte @ 8

latte @ 8 was a new experience for me...the closest ill get to Jay Leno or David Letterman or Conan O'Brien.
kewl stuff...chun coffee...

waiting for Far Cry...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Friday, September 03, 2004


a soldier in this life
so much to accomplish
too much to conquer
so little strength

the lands are vastly appearing
white flag of surrender at hand
choices awaits to be selected
each decision bearing consequences
good or bad
i don't know

can i withdraw from this battlefield
from the emotional turmoil and stress
can i lay my arms down
and get some rest

i don't wanna fight anymore
to face accusations that is
worse than bullets in the flesh
why is it that it's just so hard

sometimes trying isn't good enough for you
sometimes it's just pointless
it's unfair when ur wages are paid
with unbalanced scales
how can a man earn enough to feed his soul?

for every finger you point at me
think again...3 more pointing back at you
whatever you said i have done
you've already done those yourself
that's why you know my mistakes so well
they were yours

i wish you well
i wish you happiness and joy
my island is here
it's you who have drifted shores


Been home for slightly more than 24 hours. So far, all's good! This place never fails me when it comes to needing rest. I am well rested i can say, eventhough it's such a short time being here.
well, some of the joys of being home besides my kewl parents and good food, is my lil sis

she really makes me feel at home. it's good to be told that you're missed and that you should stay longer:) that's what home's are for!

wanted to hang out with my friend i met at KLIA the other day. sad to say, i heard that he flew to China yesterday morning! missed my chance to meet him up again.

well...got to go back to Subang this Saturday for GIG practice. so my hol's are really short.

till then....have a great holidays!

Thursday, September 02, 2004


i'm reporting from Melaka:) reached here about 1 am early this morning. just finished watching Serendipity:) nice show! i didn't know that Kate Beckinsdale was soooooo HOT! anyways, the thing that i caught from the show was this line : "the Greeks didn't have obituaries. they just asked about the person: Did he have Passion?" asking myself that too. living...do i live passionately enough?

it's been a real lazy few days. camp was great! relaxing and fun! from 29th August till Independance...at Beachpoint Bungalow, Port Dickson...We had none other than Mr Vincent Pee! It was a great time of resting at the same time being spiritually challenged! Uncle Vincent asked us simple, yet thought-provoking questions like, why are u a Christian? and a few others...which got me thinking about the fundamentals of my faith. He was a serious speaker, but i prefered his off-session chats like how he met his wife and other stories. what i enjoyed the most about camp was meeting up people.getting to know new ppl.it's jsut fun! not to forget, i fell in love with Captain Ball! woohoo! sweet stuff man! hope to bring it back to the Cyber-scapes. so much more to say ab0ut camp, but i think i'll save that for later.

the day camp ended, most campers caught up on sleep...Merdeka Day....all most of us pig-ging out on our beds. at nite, we were like lost souls, with nothing to do, so we kinda lepak-ed at Tesco. it's fun to see bonding sessions taking place otuside of camp.

then I had GIG practice, that's why i had to leave Subang so late. if not, i'd be home on Wednesday morning itself. really wanna thank God for granting me safe journey all the way back. left bout 11 pm from Acts Church. half way, got a lil oozy so i took a nap along one of the stops. thank God that He protected me all the way.

well, here i am...gonna kick some butt here in Melaka too.....oooo...smelling home cooked food


Sunday, August 29, 2004

post-exams syndrome

It's a day after exams, and i blogged, well, yesterday! but something happened as i loaded it up. it kinda got screwed and disappeared. so, was pretty pissed, but then, chilled till, rite now.

Exams are finally over....yeah! but, to be honest, i dun feel too liberated...i wonder:( first 3 papers were quite good. however the last 2 papers were....i dunno, but after i came out of the hall, my heart felt heavy. oh well, i'm trusting God that things will work out fine in the end. this exam cost me alot of sleepless nights. and it was another experience for me. well, nothing to hoo-haa about it now. i was so looking forward to the last day of exams, and when it came, instead of a WHEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, it came out more like a WHeeeeeee*&^!@#&^@!@#!*
so much for post-exam fever:p

Exam ended Friday. on thursday, after my fourth paper, i went to KLIA. This trip was a spontaenous one. on my birthday, Mr Fernandez, an ex-classmate in skool, e-mailed me to wish me. he added that he was coming back to Malaysia. He's currently undergoing the rigorous path to make him a full-fledged Marine Engineer. woohoo! he's currently doing his practical on a ship for the past few months, i think in Dubai, to be exact, on some water far away from home. out of the blue, he says he's coming back..and boy was i excited. haven't seen him for some time. and we kinda made plans through e-mail. nothing was really confirmed, and the final plan was, he gave me the flight number and time of arrival...and told me that since i had exams going on, he wouldn't expect me to meet him at the airport, but if i could make it, then we might jsut bump into each other. so, after my fourth paper, i was on my way to the airport. felt like a family member waiting for the home-coming of a brother. i waited where the other ppl waited...and boy was it long! i was at the arrival lounge for bout an hour, and i was praying that i didn't miss him. somany ppl were just streaming out, that there was a high possibility that he missed me as well, and tot i didn't make it, and then took a Limo home. after the wait, it was sure worth it when i saw him coming through the gate. he didn't see me, so i was like waving my hadns like a lunatic..he still didn't see me. blind guy! anyways, the meeting was like awkward..i mean, i was so glad to see him and wanted to really give him a hug, but it was liek a bit gay and ppl were watching...so we settled for the customary hand-shake. he was surprised to see me! so was i! we had a catch-up session over McDs. it was really good. i always tot his life onboard was so fun and all, but now, i'm thankful i'm rite here in MMU. we talked and talked, and it was time to go back. so i sent him off to the Limo, and he went back all the way to Melaka. all the expanses were paid for by his company. kewl! imagine paying 143 bucks for a ride back to Melaka from KLIA! will catch up with him soon when i get back to Melaka.

on the way back to Cyber, met this German dude, Thomas. First time in Malaysia....another story to tell. anyways, leave that for some other time. Foreigners are coming here to Malaysia to train...it's a good sign:) hope i gave him a good impression of our country:p

CFMMU camp will commence bout 10 hours from now. it's in PD! awesome! looking forward to it. being assistant camp commander, i hope to kick some butt! well, i got to sleep. gotta go a wee bit earlier than the bus...that means, i gotta be up by 6am:O

goodnite world!

Sunday, August 22, 2004

chill out at the Lib

DAY 2 of exams just went by. 2 papers down...3 more to go. it's a tough life. the sucky thing is, most of my library mates (people that i'm beginning to chill with in the library due to exams) finish their friggin' exams on Monday...latest Tuesday. Me.....Friday! darn! well, too bad my major has to be weird and give us all the 'fun'. on 2nd thoughts, i shouldn't be complaining so much...since there are some who have exams till Saturday, not to forget those who were forced to resit their Engineering Maths 3 paper...Saturday night...the last of the lot. so much for leaked 'tips'. so, i shouldn't be complaining that much, should i? *yay??*

well, the 2nd paper was....urm...i guess...ok. it was basically the theory part of the paper that i could do...skip all the maths:P somehow,i just remembered nuts about the formulas and equations. wanna really thank God that He answered my prayers. I was really tensed on the nite before the exam, and the lib was getting way too cranky for me. so i said a short prayer, desperate to know what to study for this paper. well, i knew my prayer was answered as i sat there in the hall andblasted away at the theoritical section. but overall, the paper was a lil tough compared to previous years. so much for an INtorduction to Power Systems.

Towards the examination time, all of us in the library started to get the jitters...and Gim said, "WEll, it's at times like these where people start to get more 'holy'. If you could draw the graph of holiness (like you could:p), you will see that people will be 10 times more 'holy'-er than on normal days."

apparently...sometimes ppl turn to God only when they face troubles...other than that...they tell God to take a hike. sighz. well, the funny thing...as we sat there in the 'tension', they started reciting Bible verses...talk about being 'holy-holy':p

The Lord is my Sheperd, I shall not want.....shadow of death.....fear no evil......
Trust in the Lord.....light...path....FOr I have plans to prosper you.....bless you....

all this verses suddenly came out, one by one on the table contributed something...hmmm...it was kewl i guess. sometimes we might need this jolt of shock to send us back to God:p

well, another day in the library...here i go.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

1st day of exams & noSPACEBARDAY!!

*birthday feeling worn off*

well, reality is setting in. no more happy feelings about birthdays and all. well, the motions of the past few days were geared towards exams. was stuck in the library for the whole day...since, last Saturday. Can u believe it? i manage to cover more in the few days in the library than a whole study week, at home, in front of my pc:p somehow, Tony Hawk still hasn't given me any rest yet:(

the good news is, i'm still quite peaceful..eventhough everyone seems to be so worked up about exams. I really hope this is the Peace of God:D maybe it is. i can study better and even focus:O
i haven't really completed my studies, but i'm getting there. Been really praying for my studies. Alot of times i carry on wiht my studies with my own strength, thinking i can do it myself, thinking that i'll just whisper a prayer and hope GOd answers. Well, i've been reading the Word and i've been claiming promises and i've spoken in faith for my studies. somehow, i am fullying relying on God to see me through this. i'm working at it as well:)

Today was the 1st day of exams for me. 1 paper down, 4 more to go. really wanna thank God that today's paper was good. really hope to get an A for it. it's a multimedia subject, and it's easier compared to my other killer-papers. but, i've been through a few of this kinda multimedia papers, and i come out feeling like crap. it's not difficult, but when i go in, my mind suddenly goes to sleep and i can't recall the facts i just read a few hours earlier. But today was different! i could remember what was required. and i really thank God for it.

gonna get back to studies now. here's something before i go.