Saturday, October 25, 2008

What if?

What if you were told you had only 3 months to live?
What would you do? What would you say?
What can you leave behind that will last for a long, long time?

I wish I had written this

Reason or Rhyme
by Crimson Epiphany

So grant me the grace, to keep from screaming
Give me a sign, let me know what you’re thinking
I guess that I, should’ve seen this all coming
I guess it’s time, for you to see that my heart’s breaking

There’s no reason or rhyme, to keep me from trying
To look at you out, of the corner of my eye
And I know it’s so wrong, these feelings belong
Somewhere else, But I can’t make them go away

So just let me know, that I’m not alone in this
Or give me a sign, that it’s just a crazy wish
Afraid to offer words, afraid to tell you my mind
Afraid you’d leave, or embrace the me I’m trying to hide

There’s no reason or rhyme, to keep me from trying
To make this happen, though it’s such a crime
I wish I could be so brave, to just walk away
O save me from myself, or let this all be real

Let this all be real
Let this all be real
Let this all be real
I know this all could be real

And so we’re here, how did it come to this?
I wish I knew, the power to resist
To hold you close, to see what might come of this
To save you from the heartbreak, the pain, the bliss

There’s no reason or rhyme to keep me from trying
There’s no reason or rhyme, to keep me from trying
To keep you from me, if I did, I’d be lying
And if you’d choose to stay, if you feel the same way
That I barely dare to feel, then let this all be real

There’s no reason or rhyme, to stop me from trying
To gaze into the world hidden in your eyes
And if you’d be so kind, to give me this time
And if I’m dreaming, just let me believe this is real

Let this all be real
Let this all be real
I know this could all be real

So if I told you, all the things on my mind
Do you think, I’d be surprised by what I find?

Friday, October 24, 2008

living the moment

The feeling is surreal. It is indeed somewhere over the rainbow.
But you won't find a pot of gold on the other side, not usually.

Friday, October 03, 2008

wake up kicking and screaming

The song currently playing in my head is Switchfoot's Awakening, where the bridge resounds :
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating,I'm bleeding
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating... it's beating...
I'm bleeding

Yup, it's 6.00am in Malaysia, 8 hours ahead of Greenwich Mean Time and Coordinated Universal Time. Thus, the term 'UTC+8'. I thought for a bit, of how to put that phrase into existence, and thanks to Wikipedia, I've got it. All these stuff I learned in elementary geography has long eroded since I took up engineering.
I've decided, I don't just want to blog, I want to write. Ok, that didn't sound too differentiated. Anyways, I'm giving a shot at what people call 'creative writing'. (note to self: an English teacher's definition of 'creative writing' might differ from my definition)

I can't believe I spent the last 24 minutes going on about the last paragraph. Where was I? Yes, 6.00am in Malaysia, and ...Switchfoot. I should still be in bed, but someone must have turned on 'waking life' a wee bit early today. Sucks for me.

Back to the part about waking up kicking and screaming and bleeding. I don't mean the kind when you jolt awake from a nightmare. This is more, remembering that I'm alive. And you wake up to the fact,'I'M ALIVE!'. I like the verse of John Rzeznik's Iris, where you bleed just to know you're alive.

Sometimes, Life gets too 'routined' and 'schedueled', like a bus-route plan of Melaka. (alright, Melaka has probably evolved since I left it 7 years ago, but back then, the buses were always late, and you know it would be late)
Everyday, I hit the snooze button, for the longest 5 times, before I drag myself out of bed and into the washroom. This is followed by a series of self-care and basic-maintenance and then, to the shirt and tie and looking sharp bit. Yeah, and also the hair-do. Finally, with a dash of 'toilet water', I'm out the door to join the multitudes of 'bread winners', to go get me my dough, if you get what I mean. And almost as surely, the phenomenon called the 'jam' occurs, leaving me stuck in traffic for 30 minutes, just to get out of my housing area. Ridiculous!

That's roughly the idea. It happens everyday. And before long, you become part of a system. Anything new that takes place, sooner or later, becomes a system. You don't realize it, you just get sucked into it.

I've been thinking about Life a whole lot more these days. I know this human shell is fast decaying and the average life-span is 70 years, to be optimistic. But that's average. What's the big deal about living an average life? 70 years is, but a blink, compared to the millenniums that have been.

I'd rather live a short, impactful and fulfilling life, than a boring, monotonous, routine, long, over-dued life. That said, I hope He didn't put a check-mark on my name in His books for 'coming home soon'. What is 'soon' to Him anyway? Time, to Him is irrelevant. That will be another topic of discussion. If I could have it my way, I would want a LONG, and fulfilling life. I don't want to die young. I want to die finished, knowing I did everything I could possibly have done. Knowing I did everything I was meant to do.

Life is indeed fragile. One accident, and 'poof', there goes your 'fire' in the 'tribal council'. I shall leave that for another day. The sun is up, and I have to make my way home to Beloved Melaka.

To my Muslim friends out there, 'Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri'. Save me some rendang, I'm coming over!

I still want to wake up, kicking and screaming. As if, living for the first time!