Saturday, March 29, 2008

The way to the toilet is through here

Let's play a game. See if you can spot the similarities in these 3 situations:

1) Colleagues farewell dinner
2) Ex-uni mate's birthday dinner
3) Church member's birthday dinner

Yup, it's about food. And, the obvious, it's about dinner! But those are wrong answers. The real answer is, relationship/friendship.

It so happens that all 3 falls on the same night. It's just one me vs 3 different locations around the same time. I would love to attend all three, so I try. I manage to squeeze time for all three, not missing out the most important part of each.

So little time, so much to keep up with. Why can't they see that? Why can't they understand? Why are they not so forgiving? It's not on purpose that I miss out on them. I try, but I can only do so much. Their sarcastic welcomes and sinister comments leaves a bad aftertaste. Some people have already given up trying to strike a balance. What's the use? You still get labeled and branded by the 'unforgiving', anyways. So might as well screw it big time and leave no room for return. On my side, I try. As hard as I possibly can. At the end of the day, isn't it all about people? People = relationships. And sometimes, People = Sh*t.

I can only try so much, and please a few. But as long as my conscience is clear, I'll have to let it be. If they don't understand, it's alrite.

To top the cake of disparity, there the few that I try to maintain contact, but come up against a wall. What's the use? I try. I make small talk, in hopes that it will lead to deeper conversations. I ask their well-being. I try to connect from before. All I get in return is monosyllabic answers, with a dash of silence. It pierces. I know I was wrong in the past, but can we make amends? If you maintain this way, while I try to change, who's in the wrong now? I'm not like that anymore. I've changed. Is there room for grace? Or would I always be facing the judgment seat of erring beyond mortal forgiveness. I ask, but you don't. I inquire, but you stay silent. What kind of relationship is this?

*useless, a chasing after the wind*

On another note, I'm glad that you're all right:)

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Good Friday, indeed it was.

Good Friday was good.
But, religious duties and spiritual experiences aside, it was really, indeed Gud Friday!

*long drive, teary eyes, chipsmore, raindrops, hot soup, cold weather, chilly wind, toilet break, short queue, standing among 'older' folks, waiting, waiting, cheering, bright lights, no videos please, people getting into the groove, big hair, getting high on singing, unfamiliar songs, a touch of 80s, good performer, weird music, pretty boys, pet boys, walking alongside the rain, starbucks, fog, 20km/h, long drive, curfew, safe *

thank you:)

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Friday it was Good

I don't really recall much about Good Fridays, as in, the personal happenings of this very day in years past. When I think hard enough, I remember bits and pieces of Easter events and Good Friday services. That's about it.

So,what's so good about Friday? I am brought back to this question every year. As cliched as it sounds, it is indeed the basis for what I belief in today. It's a story of redemptive grace. Until today, I am still trying to comprehend the magnitude of this event. It is beyond me. What if there was no Good Friday? What would I be today?

Questions aside, there is this longing, a close shot to calling it an ache, deep inside me, seeking significance and purpose. I think man was created with an innate desire to achieve success and live a fulfilled life. How is success determined? What is the measure of fulfillment?

Compare this to the saviour who hung on the cross for me. What is all my struggles compared to the Son of God hanging there in my place? Where does success fit in, or even fulfillment? How can I bring myself to be so selfish, when I knew that someone gave up all, so that I can live life, abundantly.

Yet, I still live life, as if it were completely mine. Living in the abundance of the flesh. Living as if I bought this life with my pathetic dollars and cents. Living, ignoring the grace that was shown me. Living, oblivious to the man whose bleeding sides was supposed to be that of mine. Living, sinking into my pity, when grace is there.

Worlds apart. I know. Yet, you still came. Knowing that I would live like this. You still gave. Knowing I would taste you, and still dabble with the glitters of this world. You still took my place...

I hope I will be worthy...No, you already made me worthy. I just hope this light will shine a brighter meaning in my darkened life. I hope I can bring myself to live in that reckless abundance you have already purchased. I have the tickets in my hand, but my feet is not bringing me to the entrance of that life. Another taste of eternity, and I hope I can leave it all behind for that road that leads to where you are.

I am more certain than ever, I need Jesus, the reason why Friday is so good.

Head Over Heel (In this Life)

Head over here and take me
Head over heels and aching
When I told you I was yours,
I was yours

In this life you're the one place I call home
In this life you're the feeling I belong
In this life you're the flower and the thorn
You're everything that's fair in love and war

I'm coming down like a gun shot
In all these battles that I've fought
You're the mark I'm aiming for
I was yours

In this life you're the one place I call home
In this life you're the feeling I belong
In this life you're the flower and the thorn
You're everything that's fair in love and war
In love and war

Head over heels
Head over heels

In this life I'm stubborn to the core
In this life I've been burning after more
We both know what these open arms are for
You're everything that's fair

In this life you're my only one

Saturday, March 15, 2008


And it's crazy when love gets a hold of you
And it's crazy things that love will make you do
And it's crazy but it's true
You really don't know love at all
'Til it's making you do
Something crazy

This is the lyrics of one of my favorite songwriters of all time. And it is indeed true. When you are in love, you do lots of crazy things (like going for karaoke, when you swore to yourself you'd never sing to a television). I'm not in love, yet. But, I'm already seeing crazy things.

Maybe being crazy is humans unconscious response to indicate the capacity they can expand themselves to. You reading this, I bet you've done something crazy before. I know I have. And when I look back, yeah, it's crazy.

I've had my share of doing crazy stuff, and having people do mind-blowing crazy stuff for me too. I wish I could list it all here, but then the list would be too long. And we start to wonder where have all the sane people gone.

I think getting into 80's mode, that's crazy for me:)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A brush with politics

I've never been one to be very politically aware. I'm usually in the blur. I only know the few jargons that go around the politic circuit, and that's just about it. Tell me names of the notorious opposition leaders, I might have heard them. Name me some obscure political leaders, I'll go, "who that?"

I am finally of age to vote, and so happens, an election comes my way. In a way, I am thankful for the SPR to open a booth in my university way back then. It made registering to be a voter a lot easier.

March the 8th came, and I did my duty. I choose to believe that my one vote did count for something, even if it was just one.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

of just like breakups but not it

It feels like a divorce, where I get to keep the kids (1,2,3,4 of them), the house, the cars, the pool, the sun-chairs by the pool, the pool table in the pool room, the dog, the china collection, the fridge, the 55" plasma tv, the harman/kardon Audio system, the whole works....and still feel empty...and virgin...

hehe. I didn't go through a breakup, not in the past 572 days, I think. This is just an analogy.