Thoughts in the night

Hate is a very strong emotion. There's the good kind, and also the bad kind. The good kind of hate will allow you to focus on the bad stuff and overcome it. For example, if you hate laziness or any bad habit, it will help you focus to not be lazy. But it's the bad kinda hate that is bothering me now.

Hating people is a lose-lose situation. As far as experience tells me, when you hate someone, intentionally or unintentionally, you lose out both ways. There is nothing to gain from it.

For one, it really sucks the strength from you. Hate has the capability to drain you out emotionally. And also spiritually. And for all you know, you may have that feeling towards someone else, and the other person might not know about it. So you're clapping your hand in a way.

I don't really wanna talk about hate, but it's been on my mind now. So instead of talking about the actual problem, which I have no liberty to put up on this blog, I have diverted the topic into issues with hate.

So, just let go and stop hating. It frees you. Much easier said than done.

To be honest, I am not that ok. And there are many things running through my mind. But I'll leave them for another day.

If only you had released this heart when you were unsure about yourself, I might not be here facing this sense of utter loss. I might have chartered a different path for myself. I might have found another secret.

If you had not made empty promises, I wouldn't have hoped so much, or secretly planned and schemed. But I did hope, and I did plan, and now that you went back on your word, it feels like those promises were tiny hooks just ripping out the heart.

But at the end of the day, there is no one to blame but myself. For being stupid enough to buy into empty promises and hoping on broken dreams. For holding on when there is no point, or even fighting a losing battle. I know that God is still good. But these are the stuff I got to deal with daily till I am free again.