accidents happen

Today was like any normal day, rushing to meet deadlines, weaving through traffic during rush-hour, thinking about what needs to be done in the office and at the meeting afterward, and then.....*bang*

My 9-month old car has been knocked-up. Not too bad, but still needs workshop attention, leaving me car-less for at least a week.

I remember staring blankly ahead at the on-coming traffic, while my thoughts raced through the accomplishments of the day. I heard tyre screeches. I looked up. It was the car in front of me executing an emergency braking. I jammed my brakes as hard as I could. The screech in front ended with a loud metallic thud, a crash. Thoughts flashed through my mind. My life, did NOT flash before my eyes. All I remember was me telling myself that 'this is it, habis'. I braced myself, praying that the distance between my car and the crashed car ahead would buy me some space. I think I blinked. And then I heard my own metallic thud of fiberglass on metal. When I opened my eyes, there was this masterpiece of metal obstructing the fast lane on the LDP. *tada* .

Well done, weeliem.

Above all, I am thankful that I am still alive. It could have been worse. But I was spared a more graphic encounter. Thank you Lord.

On a more coincidental note, all 3 cars had number plates starting with '8'. Life sure is funny.

26

Today, I pass the quarter-life marker, that's if we humans live till we're 100.

I enjoy birthdays a lot, but since turning 25 last year, birthdays have become a rather sobering affair. Though I gladly await the tick of the clock to strike 12, and see sms and calls pour in (nowadays, your facebook wall gets plastered with birthday wishes), I cling on to the day not wanting it to end. Because, it only means that time is fleeting, and I am getting older.

It is a sobering feeling that each one of us is clipped with an expiry date from the moment we were born. Each birthday brings us closer to that date, and ultimately, to our Maker, if we believe in him.

The question that faced me this year: What have I done with my life?

I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I've messed up. I feel incomplete and inadequate. I feel that I am missing something. I feel that I'm growing older, and that I might not have the strength to accomplish my dreams and goals.

It is a sobering feeling.

What is my birthday wish? That I die finished, being able to accomplish everything that was set in my lot in life and leave behind a legacy. That I seize each moment with passion and live like I'm alive. To not conform to the routine and norm, and settle for plain ordinary.

What is 26 years compared to eternity? a mere vapour in the ocean.

It is a sobering feeling.

human

When hardships stare me in the face, I realize once again, the frailty of my mortal nature. Flesh on bones, with a spirit trapped within. I scream from the inside, but unheard on the outside. The demure countenance masks the inner turmoil of the soul. Maybe Thoreau was right, regarding the state that I am living, a life of quiet desperation.

While typing this, I managed to slip in a couple of minutes with Jung, and turns out I am an ENFJ. If this is true, I am similar to King David of old, as well as, the not-so-newly appointed President, Barack Obama. One of the jobs listed I could do, is a physician. I knew it all along that I should have studied medicine. Somehow, I could see myself as a doctor, but couldn't see how I was going to get there.

I am starting to feel this restless feeling, again. I need a 'reset' button, but I can't find any that's working. All the thoughts of 'if's' and 'what if's' circle my head, forming an intense game of 'police and thief', a Malaysian version of catching. If only I knew answers to life's mysteries. If only...

Now I understand why the public no longer read mainstream news. So much for censorship.

I am tired, and I need some directions. I feel like a headless chicken running around.