not my will, but Yours be done

jsut back from church.been a long day.didn't have much sleep last night as well. slept bout 3am after packing some stuff up, after watching Van Helsing. the worse part actually came when i dozed off. i'm currently down with this terrible cough, and it bugged me terribly last night. halfway through sleep, the cough seizures would come and i'd be awaken to purge the germs from within my throat. after the coughing spells, i'd be so exhausted that i jsut wanna sleep again, when suddenly, another unmerciful round of coughs begin...all over again.

with that aside, was church. i had to sit through both the services coz i was on duty. this is what i learnt:

1st Service:Pastor Sandra
She preached from john 15, about the vine and the branches and the fruit. there was the part about being pruned. i guess that was what spoke to me. in order for me to grow in this life, sometimes God allows pruning to take place. and yes it does hurt, but after the pruning, the plant grows better and bears bigger fruit. and it made me look at my current situation, and maybe what i'm going through at this point in time is all part of the pruning process. The vinedresser cuts off the dead leaves and the dying leaves as well to ensure that the plant continues to grow strong and healthy.maybe there are some areas in my life that are 'dead', or maybe 'dying' that God needs to deal with.the dead leaves are removed so that the other leaves beneath it will get the sunlight and grow as well. so what i'm facing now could be a whole process of pruning....of removing the 'dead' and 'dying' so that i will yield better fruit. at the same time, i need to abide in Him. it's something that i need to trust God at this moment.

2nd Service:Pastor Wilsom
He preached about about impregnation. i guess that was what he was saying, not too sure, coz i was really sleepy. but this is what i heard that spoke to my life. when women are pregnant, they face a change that will alter their lives forever. and most of them welcome this change...it's liek they are being fruitful, doing what they were called to do, bear children. and it's not easy, it's painful and requires alot of sacrifice. but it has to take place, in order for better things to take place. in order for them to grow. change is not always easy as it requires us to move out of our comfort zone....change is often painful, but with change comes growth, comes greater things. and i look at my life....i'm undergoing some kinda change which is hard for me to accept, hard for me to swallow the fact that it actaully is happening. and it's really painful for me. but i'm, hanging on to God that this change will help me be a better person. to achieve my destiny. it's so hard, but at times like this is when God seems most real.

Joshua told me that God is always speaking to me, it's whether i'm paying attention. today, 2 messages jsut hit me straight in the face. and i realised that God has been speaking all this while. it's jsut me getting too engrossed in my problems and hurts that i miss out what He's doing.

really wanna appreciate my friends who were there for me and still here to support me as i try to overcome my situation. you know who you are:) really sorry if i'm so bogged down with my hurts that i'm in obvilion to yours. u don't know how much ur care and support and prayers mean to me rite now.thank you! i still hurt very much, but i'm letting go. im learning to trust God that He knows what's best for me.and He will give me the best! i'm still healing and the wounds are still fresh. i need time to let the scars close and pick up the pieces of my heart that is scattered on the floor. i need time to build myself up again and be the man of Destiny that i was created to be. dunno how long it's gonna take, but i'm at the starting line of my next race. i can't give up now.

Dear God, teach me to let go, and trust You....not my will, but Yours be done!

Anne Leong ~
We've only ONE LIVE TO LIVE, AND ONE GENERATION TO IMPACT!!