the final hours while the battle rages

been toying with the idea of shifting back to Melaka...nicer campus...closer to home and family...kewler library...tastier food...everything's way cheaper...don't have to worry bout rents or electricity or water bills...

however, a deeper underlying meaning would be to run away...to give up...admit defeat...surrender...

the older you grow, the more complex life becomes to you...the more complicated you might be, depends on who you are...you lose your innocence...larger objects get thrown your way, still not quite sure what to do with the broken piano that was thrown at me last time, but in the distance i see an elephant coming my way:p not a pretty sight...embrace for impact!!

well, the usual 'life goes on' song is currently playing in my mental thoughts. and i'm still here. i am recovering and getting over things that i need to. we'll, i'm gonna be here a while longer. gonna fight till i know that i've won.

i'm still trying and i guess only God knows how hard i've been trying.yeah, it's true that life is not just about us, but on 2nd thoughts, it's also about us, coz we are the pieces in life.and sometimes,wounded ppl need to heal...some take longer than others...but in the end, the fact is we need to heal...or at least start healing...that's where i am now.

what makes cyberjaya an attractive stay is the people that inhabits it. it's the family that i have here...it's the freedom that i've earned...the life that i've lived...

we'll...i'm staying;)

the spoon

check this out. i thought this to be pretty funny! enjoy!

=the spoon=

huh??

well...by now most of you would have seen my head...3rd time in my life i'm coloring my hair, 1st time dyeing it completely instead of highlighting ( guess the hairdresser lady must have felt pretty lazy).

well here is the account of the mishap:

in the morning

met my opposite neighbour ( who happens to be a happening grandma in the taman, used to be a hairdresser herself ) and had lil chit-chat with her. she's kinda funky and easy-going kinda person. we would talk about fashion and current hairstyles and how to color and what to use and all that. well, today's topic of discussion was about a new hairdresser nearby who cuts good and charges fair. since i needed a haircut, i thought to myself, y not jsut give it a go. ( the shop i always frequent kinda rips me off if i colored anything )

in the evening

boredom drove me to wanting my new hairdo ASAP...not being vain, but just felt my hair reaching the 'pro-Afro' stage. need to do something quick...before i got dragged into singing 'Coz i got High'.
so i told my mum: i'm going for a haircut, maybe highlight it as well.
mum to me : ok (with a weird look on her face..i wonder why? )
me to mum : bye
mum to me : bye??

found the shop, stepped in to see this young lady, a mother of 2....unfortunately. told her i needed a haircut...and halfway through, asked her the possibility of a highlight. she said that it was hard to be done, so dye the whole head was a better choice (yeah rite!) . well, kewl! soi choose a color and sat back...half way through the process (my head plastered with white colored,stinky smelling substance),
she tells me : boy, i forgot to tell you, but today there was a water cut!
me to her : oh ok....how come?
she to me : dunno? just today only.

it kinda dawned on me, just a bit too late that she should have told me this info a bit earlier.
anyways, too late!

she to me : that means you have to go back and wash yourself lah!
me to her : huh? ( blur)
she to me : easy wan, just wait half an hour...bout 6pm, then you just wash lah. make sure your head don't touch the headrest in your car, if not the dye will spoil it!
me to her : huh?? (again)

so she did her best to comb my dye-laden hair as properly as she could. at this point, my head was completely whitish brown , as though it was filled with shavin cream.
i paid her (reasonable preice, a lil cheaper in fact coz she didn't have water to wash off the bloody dye) and walked out the door, to be met by the gawking stares of the passerbys. mien! felt liek a freak...they must be thinking i'm a freak too...liek a dude to some weird costume party. i could feel their penetrating stares burning my head from the back...sighz. how crappy could it get.

drove back home...got some weird looks from drivers and passsengers from the oncoming traffic as well. good thing my hair didn't cause any accident. entered my house...it was mum's turn to stare! she tot i did the latest fashion style. mien!

anyways...after everything cleaned up and washed, i showed it to mum, who gave a reluctant approval:p
mum to me : i hope when you're ok, you'll go back being your normal self ( must be referring to my piercing and colored hair:p)

i guess she think's i'm going through some teenage life crisis, though i may be in my teens anymore.

mums will always be mums! :D thank God for mother's who rock!

o life

today is the day after yesterday, the day before tomoro...profound?
i don't think so too:p
juz been thinking about life (who doesn't!!)

well, there isn't any conclusion yet... come back tomoro..i might have a revelation:)

why??

sometimes i wonder y i work so hard at something, only to know it is all worthless...y do i still keep going at it relentlessly when i know it's unfruitful...y do i care and say how we feel...when nobody listens...y do i show affection, when it only betrays me...y? the questions pour...

why do i give in...when i know it will hurt...why do i pine, when it brings no ends to meet...y did i spend 3 years of my life investing in something that now yields no return...

GOd...only You hold the answers

shave me lips

shucks!

shaved my lips today....got it bloodied....hurts!
stupid me.....

MPO was OK....could have been better...

ayam ter-golek

ok here i am...in front of my pc...nothing much to say about what happened:P

okok! just got back from supper with the Melaka CF committee at pantai Kundur! we'll, it was a real messy affair!

basically, the past few days has been something like this: me trying hard to study...but nothing's entering my head...so i try to at least read my notes...and i was looking forward to rachel coming down to melaka and then chilling out with the gang around some joint. rach came down on wednesday and bunked with leona.
didn't get to meet them till today, thursday. so the whole day was spent out ... the usual Chicken Rice Ball, and the works....unfortunately, rach wasn't some 'tourist' that i could con, coz she basically went to most of the places i had in mind to take her to. so, in the end, like in most cases, we hang out at Mahkota Parade! *sighz* in between the sequences of events, there was Leona at the dentists *sounds of screaming echoes in the background, while the drill steadily sets the momentum* and the crappiness of justin and jason and ZX * bicker bicker bicker*

before we departed, justin said he'd call us for supper or something liek that tonight after thier meeting. so that was it.

later, rachel, leona, kae ee and allan came over. so off to pantai kundur we went. *kae ee dying of starvation in the backseat* the rest of us were supposed to spectate kae ee eat, however, due to certain temptation, everyone got a piece of the best Roti John in the world...leaving kae ee, needless to say, still hungry. after rounds of ayam golek and more roti john, we were quite full. took a stroll on the windless beach....then after awhile, got tired and went back to my place again.

as we were scanning through the movies we might want to watch, Justin called saying they were heading for Pantai Kundur for supper....less than 15 mins after we came back from that place *darn* talk about perfect timing...so off we went again, seeking fellowship.

pretty eventful...lots of laughs and craps.

now back here at home.... a spin cycle of events....getting tired...what am i doing here...sighz...should be sleeping or studying...or whatever la...

nitez

mel--aka!

reports from Melaka:

reached home bout 1 am Sunday morning after dropping Ona off at her residence. it was a sudden decision....suppsoed to go back on Sunday evening, but i coudln't wait! this bursting feelings were getting to me if i stayed back in Cyber.

home's been awesome! a refuge...sanctuary...whatever it is...it rocks! missed my family alot!

since the breakup...i've been having more talks with my dad, which really is surprising.He's more understanding than i expected. and his advice are really mind boggling for me. i mean...i can't ever imagine sitting there with my dad talking about my emotional problems...let alone my life partner...i guess we've reached a point of maturity between a father and son. *smilez* gotta admit...my dad's a Hero!

after having a long talk with my dad the day i arrived home, i retired for bed at 3 am....did some reading till 4am...and then....ZZZZZZZZZ....until bout 7.30 am till my youngest sister hopped on me , and there goes my sleep:(

church was good....but uncomfortable....kidna feel out of palce among the adults...what the heck...i' an adult! i mean the old folks....not too bad la. a different scenario from acts:p

anyways..me dad bought a DVD player that chews on any discs except a broken wan...it's awesome tech stuff....and the kewlest part about it...it reads MPEG and DIVX formats as well. so i dun have to confine myself to the 17" monitor and 'caplang' branded speakers, when i can enjoy 29" comfort and Sony sound system to make the show more enjoyable! me burned most of my movies onto cdrs ...got bout 100++ of em...and i've been feeding my brains with movies since i got back...not too healthy i know...but what the heck!

supposed to jot down something very very profound in here...something that i've been thinking about...BUT...i forgot!!
mien!

nvm...will put it here when i remember it:P

till then, enjoy ur holidays!

A man is no fool to let go of what he cannot keep and to hold on to what he can.
- still finding out who

poser

this pics are for the benefit of purdey:)

WARNING
any unauthorised reproduction of these photos are strictly prohibited. unless it's for cheap publicity on my behalf...as in good kinda publicity:p

of movies and music

*yawnz*
slept 4 hours only, yet a feel pretty much alive.an account of last night...had the down in the dumps feeling, an opposite contrast to a person i know. but i guess diversity is a form of life itself.

in order to pass time i watched movies...there was a time when i would sleep over problems that came my way...i never used t do this back in skool. in skool, life was much simpler, i was much younger,more naive, problems were much smaller. i could overcome and problems that came my way. in uni, the problems outgrew me, too big for me to handle and i sleep them over to run away( well, i learnt this from a dear friend:>).
last night was different.i didn't want to sleep anymore.tired of sleeping.so i watched movie after movie. i think rite now, i got about 100 movies with me, bout 60+ are somewhere in my com. movies i watched last night:
1.Love and Basketball
2.City of Angels
3.Good Will Hunting
by the time i was done...it was 6am.
was tired then, so jsut slept...somehow, i can't sleep past 10 am...no matter how late i sleep. just my biological clock doing it's job;) so by 10.30 i was just laying there in bed...staring at the ceiling, taking in the moment...plus, it just rained heavily. the air was quiet and fresh! i wanted to sleep more, but all i could do was just just lay there...and enjoy the silence. it was a nice feeling:) the cold and pretty much fresh air that greets your nostrils when u pump that lung of urs to to suck in on life.

it's already 1pm...and it stills feels cold! awesome! God, thank you for rain...rain that washes away the tears and brings back hope:D ain't that awesome?

so much for the morning:) we'll besides movies, i've been reading lots. just finished Grisham's 'The Pelican Brief' exactly one week ago! now i'm moving on to my next book, 'The Horse Whisperer'. all good books:)really awesome stuff. reading is important. when u read, it keeps ur mind active,always on the go, ur creativity and ideas just burst out.some ppl say that reading is the key to success... dun really buy that...but it sure does get my lazy brain to exercise a bit;) i plan to read as much as i can in this life.

well, this has been my thoughts for the past few days...why isn't life like the movies?? and i dun mean about the sequnce of events, like the good guy always wins and gets the girl, ppl get reunited and all that bullcrap. what i'm taking about is the soundtrack! u know, in the movies...the music plays an important key to stirring ur emotions to fit the mood. like when there's:
suspense : the 'jeng,jeng,jeng' song comes on
excitement : some punk song starts blasting
sadness : the 'sad' song
happiness : the 'happy-happy' song
silence : the 'no song' song
realisation : the 'semangat' songetc, etc

u get what i mean? there's a song for every important scene. sometimes i wish there was music when i'm going through something...music to match the moment. hmmmm...wouldn't that be nice? liek when u feel down...a sound track comes to life to add to the mood....then when u realise that life is more than this...a tune that inspires the soul kicks in...the usual tunes from movies like 'Lord of the Rings', 'The
Last Samurai', 'The PAtriot', 'Braveheart'.... and the likes...then, when u actually get going with life..a happy punk song starts blasting away.. mien! that would be awesome!
unfortunately, life isn't like that...so i'll just play my own songs in my head;)

oks..the day is getting better...better not allow myself to be stuck here.
*jeng ,jeng, jeng*

it's a new day, a new start...not gonna waste it babe!

it's time to 'Crap the Diem!!' (this ain't typo, that's just how i like to say it) * 'semangat' song comes in*


peace

guitar frenzy...with a weekend

last weeks been pretty eventful. had a dumb accounting test on saturday...which literally drained me coz i had to study all that crap. after the test...i had to rush for Actstream Academy. the night before, i survived only on 4 hours of sleep.so by the time i was at the academy, i was nearly gone. the bright side about acadey was we got to hear songs, songs written by our own people...that sounded really nice. kinda inspires me to write more songs of my own.

after academy, was something interesting. Grunge Girl had a wedding dinner to attend. her neighbour's son from her hometown was getting hitched...and she was invited, together with her bro. unfortunately, he couldn't make it, and i felt honoured when she invited me to take over his place:) we'll, i dressed up, so did she. mien, she looked gorgeous:O those rare occasion that she wears a skirt;) wish i had a cam to snap her pic. anyways, got lost in KL a bit...okok, lost for an hour coz i missed a turning...and we were going in circles for a bit.quite fun though. finally we found the hotel. a pretty posh place...kewl architecture...superb ballroom. here was her and i, in this unknown place, with mostly strangers....strangers for me coz i knew nobody...not too bad for her coz it was her neighbour's son's wedding. sat at a table full of old uncles and aunties..had some nice chat with them..pretty kewl for their age;) food was good....drinks were good....ceremony was good...the chat in between was good as well;) found out that my companion's grandpa's name was.....something really kewl (disclosed). wine was good....yam seng was good... the funny thing was this wasn't a typical Chinese Wedding dinner. it sarted almost on time and ended pretty early. so much for the chinese culture. kinda like an eye opener!

by the time it was over...i was worned out....good thing we bumped into Ess and Little Boy, who drove us back to Cyber..i was sleeping all the way...darn tired. so much for the weekend;)





Gibson guitars Rock!

gibberish

Critter #453 : we have him!
Critter #874 : finally, after all the hard work....
Critter #459 : he's falling asleep...get him, before his mind starts to awaken
Critter #874 : we must not fail!! damnit!
Critter #123 : ok, it's done....he's in rest.
Critter #780 : better stay that way...u freaks
Critter #345 : that would keep him quiet for awhile.

walks out the door and off they go

bad bad!

something i learnt today: People = SHIT!


saw this phrase on a friend's t-shirt once. tot it was a bit crude. but many months later (about a year or two), it suddenly dawned upon me the cold truth of this simple statement;)

kinda funny when u come to think about it.......

what happens when u get drunk!

just for laughs.....what happens when u get drunk....and u have loads of crappy so-called friends.
stumbled upon this on teoti a few months ago.

over the weekend

over the weekend....

thursday
It was Jason Ding's birthday...so we had somethings planned out, however, things don't go how we plan. wasn't involved in Actstream, so i decided to accept his invitation to TGIF. hehe.. had in mind the pricey condition, but what the heck...it's the coolest man's birthday...how could i miss it!! the fun was good. had lots of laugh....considering the amount of b****ing i was doing in the evening, which kinda put me in the dumps for a bit. the laughs in TGIF were pretty fun. met a couple of new ppl. different kind of fellowship.different kind of atmosphere. can say it's a pleasant memory.

Friday
had lab....shucks! got it over with real fast.....some dumb telephone thingy....u call the phone (which was jsut beside the other phone) and it rings...pick it up..read some data on the ass-siloscope...then slam the phone down...walah! it's over. a sudden urge to go back melaka....ok...go melaka.....waited for my class....but half an hour before class, decided to jsut skip it anyways:P so much for waiting

earlier, i had lunch with a dude... and it was a pretty fruitful talk. haven't had the chance to sit down and talk with him. as we were talking, i began to share from my experience. and i began to understand what he was going through, what he felt.i could immediately relate to him coz i had undergone the exact same thing. and as he shared, i felt his pain and failure. as most ppl felt, he thought he was alone in facing this situation. but i gladly assured him there were others who shared the same sorrow. he wasn't alone...i wasn't alone too. and i now understand why God allowed me to go through the hard times....i guess God allows us to go through it coz He knows we're strong enough to undertake it. and as we go through it, we learn...and grow...and then we can be there to guide others who will be going through the same path. somehow, it blessed this dude to know that i'm going through the exact same thing...and it blessed me in a way that what i've gone through wasn't wasted, coz i manage to bless others with it. (hang in there bro!)

Lunch Encounter
the trip to Melaka was fun...lots of crapping in the car with David, Nicky and Becka. jam here and jam there...the Seremban ppl's fault:p hehe after Seremban, the traffic was liquid again. as we passed Ayer Keroh...the place was jammed up...again... the reason: Melaka Zoo has their own Night Safari, and the launching was that night itself. Taiping ppl out there...dun be too proud yeah!! our animals in Melaka are pretty active at night too... i wonder what for!

Story of the Earring
i didn't have dinner on the way back, so i called home and within minutes, there was instant dinner set before me. as i was happily eating....i was hoping my parents would miss my earring...and not say antything. i was kinda worried what they would have to say...recaling what my dad told me before : If you pierce your ears, i'll pull the earring out...! so i was wonderig he'd say....i didn't bother concealing it...sooner or later they'd have to find out...might as well get it done and over with..

this is the account of the conversation:

Jo Anne: Ko ko, u got earring!! [ like...duh!!] (while trying to reach for my ear)
Mum : It's not real rite? ( in a lil disbelief)
Dad : You pierced you ear? (cooly)
Me : I did. It's real. (non-chalantly, keeping my cool...though gotta admit i'd burst anytime)
Mum : You pierced? *sigh*

-the end-

that's it....the topic changed after that...i didn't change it...but my parents just went over it like a 'cup of cake'. and before i could say 'supercalifrangelisticexpialidocious', it was over. my parents found out...and as far as i could see...they were keeping their cool.

a good sign, though on saturday... my mum kept saying a couple of times : I don't understand why u wanna pierce you ear:p!

thank God i still had my ears...my dad didn't do it. *hehe*

Saturday and Sunday
bought DVD player....watched Big Fish....went back SUnday morning...went Acts....brought Becak along....the usual.....

what i learnt over the weekend....Time Flies!!

A tribute to Oscar

I lost Oscar Yesterday:(
He was hanging from my bag in the morning...after claz, when i got back, he was gone! what was left was the the chain that held him.....he was missing!


may u be safe!

for those who dunno what i'm talking about, Oscar the Grouch is one of those beanie babes softy toys that came in the Mc Donalds sales gimmick to get more money outa u. yeah. that green-colored beanie babe Oscar.

When i found out he was missing, i tried to retrace my steps, went all the way tehre and back jsut to find him. it's liek a normal reaction. found out missing, was up and gone searching for him....as though he was liek my kid or something. sounds weird huh! dun ask me...i'm still wondering:p

i had that beanie babe since form 4. stucked him to my pencil case as a key chain. sounds kinda gay... but i tot it was a good way to strike a conversationw with d gals:p anyways, he's been with me all the way from f4,f5, alpha, beta, gamma....and the start of Delta...he was gone! kinda sad. coz though he isn't a real thing, he was like alwasys been there....but his absences is felt somehow. i'm not utterly crushed...but jsut a lil' sad coz i lsot him...more liek how u feel when u lose a favourite book or terdelete a favourite mp3 or video clip.

sam told me that he saw Oscar near the Satelite dish on campus around 10 am....but by the time he told me, it was 1am the next day. so off i went with my torch light in search of Oscar in the dark. Mel came along to help me find him....we searched and searched, but alas, Oscar was no where to be found.

guess it was his time. this is just a soft toy...what if it was a real person.
what i learned from this, was i need to move on. things come and go...but jsut move on, keep going, dun stop, dun look back...jsut move on.

living a borrowed life

just came across this thought, i'm living a borrowed life. Was reading Galatians 2:20 and it was talking about how Christ purchased my life with his sacrifice on the Cross. This life I have is not mine anymore, it's been purchased with a price, a high price that i could never be able to repay. and now, the life i live, is accountable to God at the end of my days. what i did with it, i'll have to be unswerable to every action i make. jsut give me the creeps sometimes....liek i how i wasted the moment or missed an opportunity.

the ultimatum, i'm living a Borrowed Life!! my 21st year on the face of this planet....dunno how many more years left...what am i gonna do about it? feeling a bit torn. since i'm living in this life that has been bought by a greater being, i can't jsut simply follow my own will, do whatever i want and waste it, but rather, i've to be an instrument that God can use. dying to self daily...it's so hard. but i'm still getting at it...not backing down.

to the one hurting out there, i'm sorry. u hurt coz of me. sometimes i wish i had answers, sometimes i wish i knew what i could do...but at times...i dunno.