Saturday, February 28, 2004

give me chicken feet, Lord!

Today was first day of FPC 2004-real good stuff.looking forward to more. Doug Stringer is the man!

he shared this story about a man praying.to sum it up:

Give me chicken feet, Lord!.........y a chicken? why chicken feet?

coz: chicken's can't walk backwards....only forward.

my prayer: Lord, grant me chicken feet, that i may walk forward with You, and never backwards.

Friday, February 27, 2004

maths maths!

it's friday morning...early morning. i want so much to sleep....but i can't! i won't!
i told myself that i would finish up my lab report before i slept, and as long as i don't complete my work, i can't sleep.bout time i instilled some discipline in my studies.taking this break from all that writing. mien!

had a long day today.class from 8am to 1pm....5hours of class...and out of that 5 hours, 3 of them were maths! fried brains for lunch:p
my secondary school teacher once told us : " if you think u love maths, then you don't really know maths yet!" it's true:P

breaks up!
see ya

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

this life-don't just survive...succeed!

whoah! it's tuesday already.time sure flies.last week, i was looking forward to the weekend, coz monday was a holiday, so, we had a long weekend.but before i know it, the weekends over.......and life starts again.well...better get moving.

last weekend, my week was darn crazy, read my previous blog and u'd know why. anyways, i had a CF committee retreat over the weekend at Kajang Country Heights. i was feeling so wasted after the events of the week and to top it up, i was undergoing some emotional stress till i wanted to call it quits for the retreat.was tempted a few times to call the organiser and tell her that i won't be going. however, i went, coz i didn't feel like missing out chillin' with the old and new committees. those guys rock!

the place is pretty peaceful and relaxing....lots of big houses here and there....really huge ones...guess got a few bigshots living there.but we rented a small townhouse...supposedly for 6 ppl.but miraculously, we fitted in about close to 20 ppl.the fellowship was warm and atmosphere cozy. we did a personality test on friday night,and i found out somethings about myself. i seriously wonder how in the world personality test ever came about. coz they're really close to accurate. and though it may not be 100% true, but as much as 80% of it is reliable. and i learnt about the other personalities of the CF committee. it made me realise why they acted the way they did or why did they respond a particular way when they were undergoing something just through the test. and i learnt what were our strength and our weakness and how we could work together combining all of our strength and overcoming our weakness.it was a real eye-opener for me.

on the 2nd day(saturday), we had a few more sessions....and lots of free time, which some of us spent sleeping, others indulging in other 'non-sleeping' activities. since we had no pcs and were disconnected form the cyber world, we had so much fun playing board games...which on 'normal' occasions, would have better been referred to as 'bored' games:P there was Monopoly, Risk, Chess and Rummikub. and u could see how intense those 'gaming' session was. seriously....so much fun....i guess those board games still have the power to keep us captivated. and i admit that i cheated both times i played monopoly:( bad bad me:( i'm sorry! i was trying to show the other players that in real-life,there are lots of con-man, and they should beware.i'm not saying i'm a potential con-man or anything, but we do always have to keep our guard up at all times...not just in the physical world, but in out spiritual life. the devil is out to trick us, and we have to be always grounded in the Word and our Faith.on a less spiritual note, my 'crime' was building house on my property without paying...urm...'borrowing' someone's property without their knowledge.....and building houses on them...and when they landed on them,i charged them a hefty sum without remorse:P cruel me. i 'miscalculated' my steps so i wouldn't end up in jail or somebody else's expansive property....and i 'miscalculated' other people's steps so they would land on my expansive property.....that's about it:( i'm sorry u guys. my conscience is clear now:)

we had lots of kajang sate that nite....like lots and lots... the record holders for the most sate eaten were linkin and me, with 21 sticks a piece. after that, the session that followed was the real 'punch' coz that was where i found out so many truths.the sharing session was meant for us to share what we have learnt the past one year. most of the people that i thought were strong, opened up and said that they were struggling with some areas of their life and how broken they were. it wasn't a sign of weakness, but to me, it had to take guts to admit that you're broken and need help. i for one, was one of those broken people.and after the sharing session, my respect for each person grew in their own way. i realised that i wasn't alone in facing life's struggles.others are facing the same things, and it's such a comfort to know that we can work together, run the race upholding each other, with our focus on Jesus. one lesson to be learnt, is that no matter the circumstances, we should always keep out focus on Jesus. and i'm thankful to God that we have one another to hang on to:)

in the secular world, pioneers and successful companies have a 'gung-ho' committee to lead their ppl. and after the sharing, i asked God, how come He's chosen a handful of broken people to lead. and a thought came to me that God doesn't just see us as who we are now, but rather, He sees us as what we will become in ther future as well. He sees the potential locked inside us that has yet to be released. The Word of God tells us in Psalms 51:17 'a broken spirit and a contrite heart,He will not despise.' another thought struck me, that there is power in brokenness.there is something about being broken that attracts God to us. God is a healer...and He wants to heal.and when we are in need, He wants to come and make us whole again.God calls the weak and makes them strong. great leaders are people who have faced failures and brokenness countless times, but they still carry on and trust God to carry them through. their transparency to their problems and being open about their weakness and failures, allow others to see their struggles and how they overcome them. it's inspiring and motivating when we see their breakthrough at hand:)

thank God that though we are not perfect....we will be someday:)

that's about it for the retreat....feeling rather recharged now...gonna take on what has been place into my responsibility.may God be my strength:)

tonight will be the dedication of the CF Committee. may we lead with passion and transparency. God bless!

Friday, February 20, 2004

good to be back in the game.kick a** time! yeah!

it's another day...life is the same...my surounding is the same...that's good:) perfect condition for my gameplay. familiar surroundings...reliable echos of feedback...the whistle is gonna go off any minute...my teammates are all hyped up...ready to kick some a**:) i can see the coach smiling with recognition..the fans are going wild...the smell of newly cut grass sends a shot of euphoria up my spine...it's good to be back in the game:D

nothing waits for me.life goes on regardless of the circumstances.it's like an ever moving train...u either stand on the platform and miss out or hop on and tour the world:) been had a terrible bout with my unstable emotions. i guess that my hormones gave me a heavy blow:p having withdrawal symptoms now.but the therapist at the rehab center told me to hang in there.guess i can pull it through:) flying on prayers and encouragement. it's good to get my perspective on life back again.though, relapses do occur...but i've been doing ok. thanks to you ppl out there for the boost:)can't thank you enough.

this week has been a crazy week.mien! i had lab sessions on monday, tuesday and friday. to compliment the scenario, i had tests on wednesday and thursday:P not a single day of rest. looking forward to this weekends retreat..in away:p wanna get out of the stage and chill off. i've been experiencing God in my own way. been a tough week and all the tests and labs aren't helping. thank God i manage to pull through my test:) seriously...2 tests in a row....i only manage to concentrate on one. so after i finished my first paper, i was so drained that i was on the verge of flunking the other paper. but i prayed and asked God for strength. and out of desperation, i prayed a prayer that i've always prayed when i was in skool: "Lord, whatever that i've studied, let it come out for the test.Whatever i haven't studied, don't let it come out". a simple prayer...it always helped me back in skool. but since i've entered Uni, i guess i felt too 'old' to pray such prayers. somehow, i entered the exam hall equipped with tiny knowledge, like a soldier entering world war II with a water pistol. but as i sat there, whatever i studied came back to mind....like drops of inspiration trickling into my mind...andi knew it has to be God:) thank You Jesus. and whatever i studied did come out:) looks like the only 2 formulas i learnt came out handy for 2 of the questions. praise God. my faith is coming back...be prepared!

gotta get back to my work...it's good to LIVE again:D

to those out there...if u think life is getting tough...hang in there:) someone out there is having it worse than you. persevere...and soon enough, breakthrough comes.

people i wanna thank: twiggies gurl,beng,trixie,dee,ash_chel,tristan's bro, and to the many other's who've helped me get my focus back.thanks!

Thursday, February 19, 2004

feelin' like a blink...1..8..2..

"I Miss You" by Blink 182

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you I miss you)
(I miss you I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

of heartbreaks and hospitals

here i am again....supposed to be studying for Communication Electronics...test is in 18 hours time...i'm halfway through. and after that test, within the next 24 hours, there'll be another test. so much work...been kinda lagging in my Walk as well.....disappointing at times...but have to press on.

alot has been happening the past few days,too many to put into words here. for one, my life is taking on a different road as of now.been so dependant on somebody the past 2 years i got to MMU that it's so hard to be apart.now it's happen....and the issue of space is always in question. trying to gather the remnants of my so called 'life' together.trying to trust God for my daily provisions. where am i heading to now? what is my focus....this are the thoughts that still needs meditating on. trying not to interfere with things that are in my interest.trying not to think too much. Valentine's Day was great....but now, it's only a memory. i'm really gonna miss you.hope you will realise that i'm gone...still hoping out here. still feel the cutting pain whenever i think of it:( still waiting here....for you.....for something to knock me down....if u need me, u know where to find me:)

on a more......serious observation.....more serious than my life struggles....i've been thinking of how life can be so taken for granted.been paying some visits to the Putrajaya Hospital to check on a friend being warded there. those trips there has got me reminiscing about my life, and how precious they mean to me. when i first heard the news...i was really shocked, and after i heard the seriousness of the matter, i felt a burden in my heart. i've been close to her academically, coz, she helps me out with my studies...but in her abscence, i just felt that things are different. like all of a sudden, i notice a hole. somehow, i feel like she's part of my family, i honestly don't know why. been trying to visit her whenever the opportunity arrives. i've been really praying for her to get well. somehow, my prayers for her healing become so urgent and intense. really want her up and running again:) i believe in miracles! God if You are willing, heal her:) she looks fine....and i really admire her joy and positive attitude at a time like this. her absence is greatly felt in her house.....and even here.

got a long day ahead......have to get back to studying.....life goes on, even as my heart is still breaking. sometimes...letting go isn't as easy as it says. still missing you...will still miss you tomorrow, still will, next week..............

Sunday, February 15, 2004


Valentine's day came....and left, just as swiftly as a bullet leaving a gun. and i'm here,still reeling from the aftershock. It's a sweet day alrite! but what's the hype all about for? it's really a good occasion to celebrate 'LOVE', unfortunately hungry business opportunist view this as their moment....moment of making their daily bread. it's really crazy....to see price of everyday things, suddenly sky-rocket. a bouquet of flowers cost double! what the heck! all this radical commercialst! sighz.......where is the love??

Friday, February 13, 2004

blog blog blog

it's been days since i i last blogged. oh mien! i gotta admit that i'm running out of things to say, and i'm getting lazy to blog:( after the holidays, i lost the momentum to blog......to add to the matter, class, test, lab and assignments are getting the best of me:P i guess it's not just me, coz i can see it happening in my 'blog community' as well.

since last saturday,many things have been happening, and i've been seeing lots of things happening. for one, my cg had the 1st meeting after CNY and the CNY mood was slowly fading, but traces of it brought us to have makan.....lots of it........bout 7 pizas from Domino's:) and to top that up.....we had 'yee sang' ! whopee! 'modern technology' has enabled 'take-away' yee sang:P it was a nite of fun!

BSAD happened as well. (Brother-Sister Appreciation Day!) it was fun...and wanna say to all the gals out here in cfmmu............i really appreciate you gals:D u rock! without you, we rock! muahaha! hopefully u gals like the song made up by LAWN:) we plan to perfect the song and do a full band set-up and maybe try to record it.....so u can download it;) just wait for the updates. thanks for the fish though....gotta admit that i nearly wanted to let it stay in the toilet bowl together with some poo:) bad bad me! what was it thinking??? needless to say, my fish is still alive....for now! see how long it can last....survivor:fish style! i've always wanted to try eat those 'exotic' bugs and crap thingys but, when u gals presented that 'herbal' drink with that bug looking stuff inside......mien, was i feeling wasted! seriously i was grossed out at first. coz i hate big size bugs and bugs soaked in water ain't a pretty sight! but after a while i got the hang of it.......and u can watch on joe black's video cam how i ate the whole thing.....slowly....hope that strikes grossness in your hearts.muahaha!

anyways, enough of stories......got tests coming up......fpc......V-day.....oh yeah.......about V-day.....any plans? guess it's a hyped up day....but it still has a special place in my heart....tell u more about it laters... nothing more to say....for now.....still trying to get into the momentum of blogging again.....so,mind the boring blogs for now....will work up better ones....

Sunday, February 08, 2004

life is like a box of .........

"Life is like a box of chocolates........the black and brown chocs remind you of S***!"
~wee liem~ an adaptation from the words of Forrest Gump.

woke up on the wrong side of the bed.....sucked........wasted the morning away...onlining!
didn't study.where's my discipline?.......my focus is screwed, my goals blurred, my hope disoriented, my courage wiped-out, my passion boxed-up......where is the life? where is the love?

somedays.....u just have it bad....real bad......but then, time doesn't stop for you to settle down, the world don't bother how u feel.......everything moves at it's set pace.....and u are all alone with your wounds,waiting to heal. what do you do?
just move on, the world ain't stopping for you......just grab what you can and move on....gogogo......don't look back......u can't grab for things in the past, they're just pictures by now.....moving from reality to history.......a moment....it was there, now it's just a memory....moving on slowly....thank God for friends who support and direct you on proper paths.

anyways, had a jamming session today........drove all the way to megamall and back to AYA.....painful drive......but the jamming session kinda dampened the 'hurt' effect. chun stuff.....really like the way music comes alive within the instruments......and how the player brings to life the melody......no words.......just plain music.........yet the soul is moved........thus proves there is a greater level of communication that words cannot suffice. thank God for music.

winding down now......gonna get some rest....somehow i messed up my chances again....silly me.....well......just wanna say thank you for that beautiful gift bubbles:) sweet of you...nice card too...nitez world.....hoping for a brighter start tomoro:)

Friday, February 06, 2004

in absence of the internet and more

.....this is entry #1234567890....shucks! lost count! anyways....i haven't been blogging for about a week now.my last entry was last thursday....that was when i was still in melaka...i'm back in cyber already...for about a week.so many things happened that i'm sitting here figuring out how to start with my blog.during my hols in melaka, i was online nearly everynite....suffering with only 56k dial-up modem.in my mind i was looking forward to returning to cyber and enjoying StreamyX....but alas, fate would have my ADSL modem to die 2 days before i returned to Cyber...what a tragedy! and due to the holidays and weekend, the modem was only replaced yesterday. thank GOd for bradband:) was having a hard time surfing and downloading anything using the 56k dial-up:p

ok here i am....and i'm lost for words coz i've already missed out on so many blogging days! i feel like an outsider as i surf other blogsites and see how their lives are coming up......even saw a fren change his site pink.....you Metrosexual Cow! no offence though....looks pretty cool.

it's good to be back in cyber! though this dull and boring place offers no sense of life whatsoever, it's the residence of this quiet part that makes what living here so enjoyable. really appreciate you guys and gals out there! without you cyber would be deader than it already is. it was nice to see your smiles and heard your laughs and jsut nice being able to hang out with u all again! crap..this is not time for me to get sentimental! i admit that i did miss my family.....didn't realise how much i missed them, till i spent new year with them.learnt so much more about family-ness:) God's plan for having families is so briliant. really miss my parents alot and my sisters too...though, one of them is rather irritating....but i guess that's what families are like....it's a package....u take it! but u can't leave it:p somehow, i had talk to my parents and they kinda told me about our tradition and our background in the community and it was really interesting. i realised that alot of the rich tradition in my family line has been watered down to accomodate the fast-paced living of today:( really sad. planning to making my trip to my grandaunts place in Subang more often to keep in touch with her.she's one of the last few 'grannies' that i have left:)she used to take care of me when i was a baby. besides that, i was motivated to write snail mail to my aunt who's living in New Zealand.she's been there like.......since before i was born, after she married some white man;) andnow she's been living all by herself,since her husband died bout 2 years ago. manage to visit her once with my family in 1995.....but that was so long, and ever since then, i haven't contacted her.i feel that i should at least update her about things over here, coz she's still family:) there is also another grandaunt in melaka...the one i mentioned in my previous blog who has Eurasian:) remember? yeah, she did cook up her special chicken porridge jsut for me when i was back in melaka.really appreciated that:) should keep in touch with her more often too.

ah.....that's been the thoughts going in my head the past few days before i had my internet back........had some really good Quiet Time.....no distraction:)

i guess........this is a really enough for now. don't wanna bore myself typing:)
have a great day