Saturday, November 27, 2004

you, you and you

Lunch today with you was awesome:) I knew you had forgotten. But I hope it did brighten your boring day:) Though picky with your shopping, you're a real 'funny' to be with. Never underestimate shops with small entrances. Sorry no present. It's been a great time of catching up, and catch up we did. Things would be a lot different without you:) Stay you:) Don't be such a pig;) and, you're not FAT! Gonna test out if sour stuff really makes you feel not bloated:)

The drive was serene, with lights to add to the scene. Such a magnificent view of our cyberscapes, the backyard of our space. Sorry that I was tired. Sorry that you hurt. Thanks for sharing the moment. Thanks for understanding. Thanks for being there. I wish I could offer more, but I'm Le'Tired. Your questions rips me open, I can't deny it anymore. Need to face my fears. The questions still play itself, like a broken record. You inspire, the missing person, the boy that had faith to move the mountains. Where is he now? It takes only one man, to change a generation.

Distracted, are you there? Phone rings, do you hear? Do you know? Feel? Are you? I wish I knew. I wish you knew. Still here. painfully waiting. for answers. wait. wait. wait. hope u feel :) hope u find what you are looking for. you're beautiful:)

You walk with your heart. Your heart has the capacity to move broken feet. Your moving feet moves hearts. What drives you? What keeps you going? You challenge me. You make me count my blessings. I pray you live a blessed life. With your determination, I'm inspired and moved. I still owe you lunch someday :)

Drift. How far have we gone our own ways. NOt much to lose sight, but enough for the heart to feel the absence. I miss you. You understood and you cared. thank you. I still care. We shall make that appointment soon alrite:)

I don't want to hate you but I do. You're in the way. So close, yet so far. Stop messing around. Your actions hurt. You don't understand. You never were in the picture. Why are you here now.

post-exams syndrome

*heart beats slowly*

I'm finally here, taking a breather from life. Ever since my exams started, I haven't had the chance to relax. I've been on the go, and on the go.

Monday and Tuesday were exam days for me. Really thank God that I found the 1st paper 'do-able'. I felt like I manage to nail the paper down satisfactorily. The next day's paper wasn't as 'yeah' as I thought it would be. Since it was the last paper for me, I really wanted to walk out the exam hall with a relieved cheer in my heart...but I was proven otherwise. All I felt was like...I could have done better. But it's all over, and I thank God that it was all better than I expected.
The funny thing, I ended my exams before some others even started. This trimester has been a real slow going time. My assignments ended bout 2 weeks before the study break, while some of my counterparts had to slog at their assignments till nearly the last day. That's something to thank God for.

H'anyways, I'm into this H'ok fever. If you wanna know about it, check this and this out. It's been my cheap source of entertainment throughout my study week and the examination.

Back to my life. After the exams, while most of my other friends were still in the midst of their exams, I was going places. I was visiting friends over lunch, or guy shopping sprees, or music practices and things like that. I manage to hang out with my Pakistani friend for quite a bit. It's been just great. He's going back to his 'motherland', and won't be back till...h'anyways, it is hotter than the armpits, in an oven, under this guy. When it is this hot, the t-shirt holds the sweat like the camel holds the water. (to understand this, click and see the links i gave u). okokok. Enough already. It's been great making friends with International students. Such a rich experience. Besides shopping with him, there was music practices that I had to go for, appointments to keep, games to play...bz bz bz!

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a rest day for me. Really need to catch up on my sleep. Really need to catch up on my dreams.


Monday, November 22, 2004

you won't...

My final exams starts today. Yet, I still feel no pressure. I wonder why? Could it be peace? I don't know. But taking a breather for now in the wee hours of the morning.

You won't understand joy
Till you experienced pain
You won't understand freedom
Till you've worn the chains
You won't taste the sweetness of victory
Till you swallowed the bitterness of defeat
You won't be strong
Till you've been weak
You won't understand patience
Till you've learnt to wait
You won't cling on to faith
Till you lose your doubts

So much's been going on the past few days of the last week. I ask why are somethings just happening all over and over again. Too bogged down to be strong.

Thanks for believing in me.

Friday, November 19, 2004

grace covers me

Getting out of this game
No room left for pain
Time to heal
And restoration begin
I beg not to pass this way again
Lest history becomes my path
I seek peace
I must find it
Mercy travels alone
And picks friends on the way
I shall follow it
Grace be my cover

Thursday, November 18, 2004

points to pound-er

Points I pondered:

1)What is the role of the computer?

Somehow, our cyber culture has molded a mojority of us to be a pc-dependant society. It's a good thing in one sense, but it has some drawbacks. Met some of my friends studying in IMU over the weekend, and all of them can hardly stare at the pc for more than 30 mins. Here I am; The first thing I do when I wake : Stare at the pc. Then After coming back from class : stare at the pc. In between breaks of free time : stare at the pc. Playing computer games : duh! stare at the pc. Before I sleep : Stare at the pc. Everything revolves around a pc. I find it weird that my other friends prefer to sms instead of using yahoo to communicate (yahoo's free, if you don't consider the breadband bill). freaks! anyways, the downside is that we always communicate through the pc, even if we're 1 meter apart. How slack can this get? We kinda lose a lil bit of our social skills. Some people are so happening online...but in real life, they're so quiet. WE live in a pseudo world. All said and done, the pc still rocks coz we don't need a separate Hi-Fi or television or radio or even go to the movie...though i still do that occasionally. We have it all in the pc, that's if you have your aLtec and your 19inch monitor and a fine graphic and sound card...blah blah blah!

2)Keep your friends close, your enemies even closer

Hmmmm....with enemies like those, who needs friends? but the guy who quoted this sure had a point. respect*


wish i could say more, but time is not permitting me to yack more here...and besides, I'm getting busy with keeping my enemies even closer...*dang*

oh crum!


The last time i checked, I had 20 days before my first paper. Now, it's less than 5 days!! Whoah! Time sure flies:P and sad to say, in between those days, i hardly touched my books. Let me recall, went for movies and shopping and outings and back home to Melaka. Yeah was back there. Didn't have much time for myself. Had to do some visitings and outings. But it was fun, jsut wished that I had studied more:p

The clock is ticking, so better start work again. Still thinking of the solid and awesome food back home....sighz...

Saturday, November 13, 2004


Not stoned because I drank or took drugs. But stoned because I've heard bad news. Sometimes, when you hear something tragic, your body and mind just goes numb. For a moment, you just don't feel anything. The magnitude of the matter is slowly setting in. As it sinks, your mind kicks in again, and you start to feel. I'm in that phase, and the sinking in is taking a lil longer than expected. Embracing myself for the full blast of emotions that will course through my soul in a short while. Just waiting. Feeling betrayed. Trust broken.

God, I need Your grace to carry me through this. I need Your grace to go on. I can't do this on my own. So misunderstood. When the crowd only hears what they want to. When they don't really know what's happening. Carry me. When I'm wrongly judged. When accused falsely. When what I believe fails me. When I'm disillusioned. Weak

Sunday, November 07, 2004

24 hours

imagine : a visit home that was less than 24 hours!
I decided to go home to Melaka on SAturday morning. I left Cyberjaya at 6am after little sleep, reached Melaka soil about 8 am, and by 7 am the following day, I departed my much missed home. *hectic* funny...i reached Acts on Sunday just in time to see ppl streaming out the entrance:p I was that late back. truthfully, I had to send a friend back to IMU. Checked out his house and met his housemates. kewl! thinking of bunking there in the coming weekends:p

it's been such an 'emo' week. somehow, so many others are feeling 'emo' as well. is it a phase?
well, i've had my share of emo. gotta run. always busy busy busy.

Monday, November 01, 2004

* BIG *

Really claiming to the words of this song:
Planet Shakers

My God is big
So strong so mighty
My God's plan for me
Goes beyond my wildest dreams
My God is good
He's so good to me

He's my God and He is my refuge
He's the rock on which I stand
He's my fortressGod, He is my life
He holds the oceans in his hand

There's nothing my God cannot do

Just got back from AYA 9th Anniversary Dinner. This finally concludes my 3 days of non-stop action. Superbly tired.

Friday-Mid-Valley Megamall. Just wanted to unwind. So went shopping. You know what happens when guys go shopping with girls...sigh...didn't buy much...just a guitar book and 3 air-plane models. Enjoyed the company:) Thanks Mel, Charis, Kae Ee. Bumped into Beckyz, Celine and Audrey...and a few others:P
Saturday-Woh Fatt guitar shop. Went to look for guitar cases with Nicky, Lenard and Kae Ee. walk around KL, music shop after music shop. Didn't buy anything except guitart strings in the end. At nite, 1st visit ever to DUMC! Reminds me so much of FGA KL. It was a new experience:) thanks Auds.
Sunday-Church@ SUmmit was awesome. Can u believe i actually wanted to skip church due to tiredness. I thank God i didn't. It was a great message. Learnt about Truth and Grace, how they should go hand in hand:) How there is Power in Grace!

Today, as I sat in the dinner, i was moved and challenged once again as I saw the accomplishments of AYA in just this one year since the last anniversary dinnerHow God has moved through AYA. AYA has managed to expand so much more, and all Glory goes to God! AYA is going all out to meet the needs of a 'tribe' called the young people. I want my life to be one filled with testimonies. I want to live my life for a higher purpose than just myself. I want to be used mightily by God. A gentle reminder, life is not just about me!

Dear God,
I'm weak. I'm falling. I see You moving. And I want in on that! But I'm trembling. My vision shaking. If you can use anything, use me too! I don't want to miss out.
Un-fill me of my self, and fill me with You. One life to live, and i don't wanna waste it. Change my heart. I need You. The world needs You...and I can bring that message to them. There is nothing You cannot do. Help me see beyond my struggles at the bigger picture. You've blessed me too much to be depressed. Help me make the best of it. You've paid too much for me to waste it away. I need You.