Frustration fills the void

Some regrets in life, no matter how much you try to bury it, will never be deep enough to be forgotten. It's like a ghost, coming back to haunt you every time you're down that alley. It doesn't fade enough to be unnoticeable. I think, we call them emotional scars, that time may not necessarily heal. Anatomically, some scars last a lifetime, acting as reminders of the disasters that has blundered us physically. It might not fade completely. Some do, but others become rather superficial, yet traceable.

I'm alrite. I'm good in fact. But there are just days when the memories engulf my thoughts in a flash. And I find myself battling the demons that try to steal my happiness. From regret, it leads to sadness, which leads to depression, that slowly churns out the anger that once was tangible. And then the torrents of unanswered questions sweep me away. The anger becomes real again. What's the point of trying so hard when you're hardly trying?

I remember being destitute. I remember being an emotional paraplegic. It's been a year.It might take a few more. I am alrite. But somethings just have that uncanny substance that might trigger some minor aftershocks. It makes me think whether I am fully recovered. I don't know. In need of grace. In need of an escape.

If I don't try, would you even bother? If I don't make the first step, you wouldn't even give a rip. It feels like I'm the only one trying to keep this lifeline intact. You're just stuck in your world which is you,you and you. It was like that before, and it still is now. If I tell, you don't care. If I don't, you still don't care. So what is the difference? You never ask. I know because, I keep track. All that years of working at it, just to be another faceless character? You don't understand, and you don't even try. And what sucks the most, is that even if you do read this, you don't give a *toot*. And that is my biggest regret, giving such a big part of me away to someone who never took friendship personal.