Born in the....

Happy Birthday to ME!!

22 years on and counting!

Been so blessed. God I'm waiting for more.

God, thank You!

Awesome!

Singapore

I'm back...from Singapore that is:p My trip in one word : Awesome! I admit that I'm in that danger zone of falling love with Singapore. hehe.

The last time I was in that tiny country was 12 years ago. And it has developed so much. Sadly to say, I think it's more developed than Malaysia. But I still love Malaysia. Why? I'm still wondering. Anyways, I really like the landscape. It's literally green....almost everywhere. And there are lots of trees everywhere too. trees, grass, anything green. it's all there. When I see Singapore, I think 'system-ed' and 'organized'. It's so well planned. Sometimes, I wish Malaysia was like that. Not the 'kiasu' part of it, but rather how things are so well runned. Honestly, I haven't been exposed to the 'kiasu-ness' of the Singapore culture. So I shall not comment on that. But what I did see, I liked it. Though Singapore is governed by many rules and regulations, and not to forget the numerous fines that they keep issuing out for all the minute stuff, it has really caused the country to be where it is now.

For a 3 day visit, and as 'friggin' tourists' , we managed to cover a lot of places. We managed to visit the famous Science Center and the Zoo....for free! Thanks to Audrey's aunt and her contacts, we got off from paying a hefty sum to visit those places. The sucky thing was that it rained so heavily while we were at the zoo. We slushed around in the rain from animal enclosure to another. What really amazed me at the zoo was that Polar Bears are actually the largest land carnivores. They were huge. Like big! And I also saw land tortoises that weigh 300++ kgs. 4 of them! They were so huge, that they are not like the cute tortoise that I'm currently having. They reminded me of the dinosaurs. Their heads were the size of my hand. Go figure how big their bodies were. And also, the dugongs! Mien! Those animals are also huge. I saw a few 'gliding' in the water, and it really freaked me out. They were like 2+ metres long and their body diameter was half the size of a car. All the animals that fascinated me were the HUGE ones.

Other than the animals, I had my first taste of Ben & Jerry's Ice-cream. This ice-cream is an equivalent to Baskin Robin's and Haagen Daz. According to a text-book, Ben & Jerry's can only be found in the USA coz their market is so wide and good that they didn't have to bother exporting it to other countries. So, I always thought that eating, or even seeing Ben & Jerry's would be an eventful thing. So I was surprised that Singapore have their own Ben & Jerry's, and of all places, at the Zoo. It was nice stuff man. *Sweet*.

Though the 1$ singapore dollar is equivalent to RM 2.257, I still found some things cheaper than in Malaysia, even after conversion. I wish I had more time shopping.I sound so 'girl' now. But I really wished I had more time to go get stuff. We were most of the time rushing from one place to another. That explains why we could cover so much in just 3 days. We managed to visit Daiso, a $2 shop that sold everything from food to gardening stuff to kitchen stuff and all the what nots. All for $2 only! And the store was big! Usually in Malaysia, RM 4.99 shops are quite small and very limited. But over there, the shop was like 10 times bigger than the ones we find over here. So I was frantically poring over all the 'goodies'. So typical of me.

I walked the famed roads of Orchard. I visited Holland Village. Both this places remind me of Bintang Walk and Bangsar, respectively. Somehow, the air was cleaner and less polluted. I visited Tan Tock Seng Hospital. What amazes me is that this hospital is supposed to be a public hospital, but the standard is like our private hospitals here. Thers is a Starbucks, 7-Eleven, Kopitiam and alot of other shops that made the ground floor of the hospital look like a shopping mall.

The main objective of me going to Singapore was to go guitar shop hunting. And guitar shop huny we did. I only managed to visit 2 shops : Swee Lee and Davis. There were a lot of other smaller shops that I can't remember their names. But these 2 shops were my destination. Things there seem a lot cheaper. I bought loads of guitar strings coz they were cheap. Bought a few other goodies as well. Guitars there are way cheaper compared to Malaysia. hehe. Thinking of buying a new guitar already:p

Anyways, I regret not eating Mos Burger.

So much I wanted to see. Will go there again...soon..i hope.

break

In exactly 6 hours from now, I'll be on the road leading to Singapore. It's the mid-trimester break, and being back here in Melaka has been refreshing. My family is really a treasure. So far, all is gud. Wish the hols were longer. But, trying to live in the moment.

The last time I was in Singapore, I was 10. That was 12 years ago. I wonder what Singapore is like now. I'll find out soon enough. This is really a 'just-do-it' thing. Didn't plan much. Just gonna be a "friggin' tourist" for the next few days. Will probably be walking the streets of Singapore with a map in hand. Will be stepping back on Malaysian soil by Friday. Main agenda while I'm there: Guitar shop hunting! I've heard news that guitar stuff over there is 'dirt cheap'. How true it is, I'm going to find out.

I'm excited! But am I really? I'm not sure.

Sometimes I feel there's got to be more than what I'm living for. Why do I feel that I'm still missing something? Why do I still feel a void? Sometimes things just get to me and I feel like crumbling inside. Is it just me?

*not thinking*

Crushed.

"You guys didn't make it."
A sense of disappointment and failure swept right thru me when I received those words. It was the fate of my band's audition for AudioWarfare 2005. I coudn't comprehend the feeling at that moment. The other bands hadn't heard news of the results yet, neither did my other band members. I was the first to hear it. And as I sat there, all the thoughts ran through my head of where we went wrong.

It was a terrible blow to me personally. As a band, we had invested alot of time and money within that one month we practiced together. We had high hopes of winning, what more, to pass the auditions. The long wait for the results was something similar to waiting for my exam results. When I heard that we didn't get in, it was as if, I saw an F for failed on my result slip.

I was told that our band made it to the top 15 but not close enough to clinche top 10. Somehow, our best wasn't good enough. The feedback was, as a band, we were quite tight, except for a stray guitar now and then. Some parts, we weren't exactly with each other. We lost marks for that. Our vocals weren't that impressive. That was another factor. And we did a cover song. We lost marks for originality. We didn't know that if we had our own song, the mark add-up would be higher. Because of this, we took so much pain to perfect the song the way we heard it played. We weren't informed that originality weighed 20% of the overall results.

After such a long wait, that was really disappointing and sad news. I didn't know how to tell the rest of my band members. I felt sorry for them. We had given our best, but it wasn't enough to get us through. I felt heavy.

That night, Chee Kah came over, and we just sat down quietly, not doing anything. We sat in silence. I guess that was our way with coping with grief. I just can't express in words how I felt. But I bet Chee Kah felt the same. It was a mixture of loss, defeat, failure, waste, anger, sadness, missed opportunities, depression and a few more a rolled into one. Our hopes of playing for the finals were dashed. We had built our hopes so high that this fall was gonna hurt so bad. One word that could describe that moment : Crushed!

It felt as if everything we had worked for had been crushed. One of my dreams while in uni was to be able to play for AudioWarfare. I had that chance. But now, I missed it altogether. Since I'll be graduating next year, this was my last attemt at making it. This chance will never come by again.

But at least, I tried. Though we failed, we all knew that we have given our best. And there are a lot of other things other than AudioWarfare. But somehow, I can't shake of that feeling of defeat just yet.

The Auditions

By 10am, I already found myself stuck in Subang's morning-market jam. With only 6 hours sleep the night before, I had to brace myself for the long grueling hours ahead of sitting in the jamming studio. Besides being a participator for the auditions, I was also part of the organizing and working committee of AudioWarfare 2005. So unlike all my other band members, I coudln't skit off after the auditions but had to continue managing the situation at the studio.

It was tension building. One band after another started filling the tiny Rhythmix Studio. Chee Kah and I were acting bouncers an we basically managed the in-flow and out-flow of the participating bands. On our list, we had 33 bands that registered for an audition. 33 bands!! if each band was given 10 mins hearing, that would require 330 mins, close to 6 hours. Add lunch break time and all the other time-wasters, it stretched on for 10 hours. That's nearly double the time! And that was exactly how long I was stuck in the studio, from 10 am till 7 pm.

My band was really excited. We met up early to have lunch together and discuss our final strategy. The Melakan band, PG165, also made it. It was good to see them. Anyways, my day started with a slight fever and a sore throat. The cough was also building. However, it subsided by the time my turn for the audition came.

We entered the studio, and set-up as fast as we could. Did all the necessary sound checks and we were off. We started loud just as we had planned. I couldn't think anymore. My mind was racing. Adrenaline was pumping. And by the middle of the 1st verse, I realised I was out of breath. Due to all the excitement and anxiety, my heart was beating faster than I could imagine and I was breathless. During the song, we did a derivation of the original song by mistake. It wasn't a blunder. Just that of all the times we had practiced, we 'accidentally' added an extra bar to the pre-chorus of the song "Open Your Eyes" by Alter Bridge, this time round. Somehow, we managed to get over it fast enough without making it look like a mistake. There was energy in the air. We played our hearts out and sang our lungs out. It was the best playing so far for some of us. By the time the song was over, which was pretty quick, we heaved a sigh of relief. Finally, we had auditioned. All the long hours of practicing the month before will be decided by this fateful rendition. The 10 mins we were in the studio would be evaluated if it were fit for the real thing.

As we got back to the waiting room, we realised we were sweating. We had never perspired so much before during our practices. And I remember my leg trembling as I toyed with my wah-pedal during the song. We thought we did good enough. We gave our best. Now, we just had to wait. And see. Next band up was PG 165.

After everything was done, my band members went of but Chee Kah and I were still obliged to stay and carry on our bouncer duties once again. To make matters worse, the other waiting bands started their smoking. It was a killer. It felt as if I was smoking too.

At 7pm, when all the bands had auditioned, Chee Kah and I waited and waited as the rest of the upper committee went off to finalise the marks of the audition together with the judges. It was a long and depressing wait. We heard that there were other bands who were pretty good. And that minimised our chances of clinching a place in the finals. As we waited, I could feel a sence of heaviness just set in. I don't know why, but I was already preparing for the worse.

By nite, the results still weren't out. There were a few more details that was being scrutinised. I'm feeling the tension of wanting to know my results. It's the kind of wait that seems to last forever. I am just waiting.


Amplify

All the best to me.

The Road To Audio Warfare 2005

This coming 21st July would be the big day for Audio Warfare 2005 ; it's MMU's version of battle of the bands. The tension is building. People are talking about it. Bands are preparing for it. Before this Big day, I have another obstacle to face : the Auditions. It's this coming Saturday ( 16th July). Actually, it's just tomorrow.

The road that I've taken till now has been a very exciting one. This is my final year in uni, and this will be my last chance to compete in a music competition of this magnitude. Ever since I steped into uni, I've been encouraged and spurred on by many friends to take part...and if possible, win. It's been 4 years now since that realisation of that dream occured. Somehow, when the time came, I would be unpreprared. I had no band and I was searching. It's so difficult sometimes to find a band. You just need the right amount of chemistry among the musicians to get the ball rolling. So far, I've only participated in 2 music competitions in MMU. The first time, I was a last minute bassist. They needed a bassist and i managed to fill in. It was MMUSICS : The Acoustic Session in 2002. Surprisingly, we won.

The follwoing year, I was asked to play guitar for my senior's band. Not having an electric guitar then, I was still enthusiastic to join. We made it through the auditions. But on that night of the competition, we didn't do well enough to win. That's been my experience so far.

All this while, I've been looking for a permanent band to play in. I would find a drummer and a singer, then I would lose the bassist , then the drummer goes missing and somehow the pieces just couldn't fit. There was a year when I had the opportunity to play with a good keyboardist and singer, but somehow, our entry form was late, and we had to be turned down:( It was missed opportunity. After a while, my dream of playing in audiowarfare faded. I just couldn't see how things were gonna work out. I wanted something more than just a performance on that night; I was looking for a bunch of people whom I could make music with. Somehow use music as a reach out point. I almost got it all together. Then internal conflicts came in the way and tore all that up. Shattered again.

This year, Joshua had a bright spark, and he really went all out to get the various people to make this dream work. At least, the part of playing for Audiowarfare would come to past. That's all I felt I could achieve for now.

The journey thus far has only been a short, yet exciting one. We only met about less than a month ago to form this band. 6 of us. I do not know how long this connection will last, but it will do till after Audio Warfare. Pieces started to fit in. Joshua being the force behind the scenes. He pulled everyone together. 6 of us : Joshua on Drums, Chee Kah on bass, Chang Shen and Chuah on electric guitars and Chee Meng and I on Electric guitars and vocals. Ever since that meet-up, we've been meeting in the studio to practice and make this work. So far, all's been good. There were the up times, there were also the down times. But we pulled through.

Our journey so far has brought us to slightly more than a couple of long hours at the jamming studio. There was a time we had to practice from 11pm till 2 am in the morning. What unearthly hour was that for making music? On our journey, we also had the opportunity to do a studio recording of our songs. It was a whole new thing for me. We had to play on a track-by-track basis. First, our instruments were recorded. Then later, our voices. We had to be precise and sharp. Then I had to go into the studio with Chee Meng, just the 2 of us to do a recording of our voices. It was frightening. With a mike that can pick up nearly everything, we had to be in form with our voices and pronounciation. what was supposed to be a 2 hours norm turned out to be a 4 hour experience. The consoling fact : even if we do not make it past the auditions, we still had our recording.

I got to admit, I am disappointed with the way I sing, but I guess there is nothing more to do than practice and practice. We do not know if we can make it, but we are working as if we've already made it.

Back to the present, the Audition is tomorrow, but I'm down with cough, flu and a fever. What right timing this is. I hope I recover fast enough. I don't want to let my band members down. If you are reading this, please pray for my fast recovery. God bless.

my current desktop

The One-Stop-Centre

Welcome to the One-Stop-Centre
It has almost everything you might need
When you feel the need to surf, instantly it becomes a cybercafe
With broadband, the world is at your fingertips
Not forgetting superb printing services
All the paper and ink you need
Other stationaries available (eg: puncher and stapler)
Feeling thirsty? No worries
In a moment, it becomes a drink joint
Also, food is easily accessible
You will never go hungry
Feeling tired and sleepy
The facility provides adequate rest areas
You are sure to get all the peace and quiet you need
Need music?
This is the right stop
With 40 gigs of songs, you will never go bored
Need a change of clothes?
Well, the limited variety we have should be sufficient for your style
Feeling emotionally burdened and need to unload
An eager ear will always be ready to listen to your needs
Befrienders is at your service
Need transport? you bet we have it
With just a phonecall or an sms a way
You get to travel as far as the petrol holds
What more do you need?
Our services is 24 hours a day
7 days a week
and 365.25 days a year
At any time if the day, you can always get what you want
Is there anything you need?
Write in and maybe we could work out a solution for all your needs
While you are here, hope you enjoy your stay
And may it be a pleasant one
Cheerio

Life...

"Life is like a bed of roses"

Disclaimer: Roses have thorns, not one, but loads of them.

Implication: Life does look nice and rosy, until you actually get there. And then you find that underneath the soft petals, are thousands of prickly thorns. That's like all the crap that takes place. However, Life is indeed beautiful.

catch me up

It's been awhile since I last posted anything. Wonder if anyone missed me. So many things been going on. I looked at this trimester's schedule and I think to myself that I'll have lots of free time. However, between those empty slots on my timetable, there were so many thinss that happened. Good and bad ones. Can say I'm enjoying myself. I've been so busy that I don't even have time for myself.

The first week being back here, I had to study for my Maths 5 supp paper. So for the whole week, while all my other friends were enoying themselves and lepaking, I and a few others were busy in the library. Every free moment we had, in between classes, we had to study. So unusual. I had to miss the chill-out sessions held by the CF for the noobs in campus. When Friday came, I was more than relieved to sit for the paper. I just wanted to get over it. To be honest, I just gave my best. I really don't know if my best was good enough. Time will tell. Immediately after the test...before the test, I only had about 5 hours of sleep....I had a CF committee planning retreat at Camerons. And I drove all the way. 5 hours of driving. Besides planning, I really enjoyed the cool weather. Then on Sunday, I was back on sea-level again, supposedly ready to start the trimester properly. But I took the 2nd week as holiday for myself, since I had to study for the first week while others still holiday-ed:p

All of a sudden, I was so free, that I didn't know what to do. Like I wanted to go and study, and I think to myself, what to study. So I ended joining friends on their shopping and makan expeditions.

What's happened to me so far :
1.I got a new piercing ( an impulsive act, compared to the first time )
2.I got a hair cut ( my mum said i could cut anything excet for the bald look )
3.Met a few friends I could chill out with ( went for snooker and pool and we yum-cha-ed till the sun came up )
4.Got my FYP title that I was hoping for ( gonna build a light sabre )

So much to do and say. Only for my ears. Here I'm gonna be off to Port Dickson soon to meet my dad and mum and siss.

The Final Lap : Pure Joy!

And so the trimester begins. I'm in my final year now! Wow! Four years have passed by so quickly. The hype used to be our SPM examination. Now, it's about Final Year Projects ( FYP ) and Industrial Training. I have one more year to go before I step out into the working world. This realisation is slowly setting in. Quite scary, come to think of it. I'm reaching the era when I can no longer be branded a 'uni kid' or just 'kid' for that matter. It's that step my dad and mum had to take when they were my age too. I'm just walking that same path...for now.

One more year. One more chance to make things happen. One more round of the routine. Or could it be, one more round into the unknown? One last chance to meet all the people you want to meet in university. One more chance to do all that you can and want as a student. One last opputunity to compete.

Well, I just got my FYP title yesterday. Will be doing this project with Joshua. With everyone rushing for similar topics, we were quite anxious to get our particular title. We prayed and God answered. Now, we got what we wanted. But is it what we really wanted? We're having second thoughts. But, I'm excited. This will be my first chance to assemble a real Light Sabre! How awesome is that? ok, so it isn't exactly a Light Sabre...Saber, whatever! But it still has something to do with laser and optics and fibers.

Our target : get it working so wickedly good, that we can publish a journal on our studies and development of this fiber optic laser and maybe get paid for our design. The lecturer told us, that if we can make it this far, we'd get an A for our FYP. I know it's a long shot, but we have to start somewhere. Who knows, if we miss this, we might still end up with a Light Saber...if Joshua fails to keep my ideas under control *snickers*. I can feel the force, and it's pretty dark.

Next boulder to jump over for now : Maths 5.

Sometimes, obstacles are in the way, so that we are able to put our faith to the test. We do not find problems, but funnily, it will fall out of the sky rite in our way. And when our faith is tested, it develops perseverance in us. Perseverance is a much needed agent for us to fully develop into mature and complete beings, not lacking anything. Time is the essence. That's the problem with instant noodles and fast food. It satisfies hunger at the expanse of total development. And in James 1, it tells us to count all of these as Pure Joy! How nutty is that idea? Pure Joy to face life's crap? Well, you heard it. It may be crap for now, but the final outcome, that is if we are still alive, will lead us on to becoming better beings. So the ultimatum : count the Pure Joy packs that come your way. Woohoo! I feel the joy! Can you feel it?

As Andrew Matthews said , "when you decide to challenge Life, Life always wins". Quite true. So let's just take what Life gives us and make a theme park ticket of it. Roller Coasters are more fun when you got a bunch of freaked-out people sitting together. Don't wait for the Ride to come to an end before you start enjoying life. Why not enjoy and appreciate life while you're still doing the Triple Corkscrew. The view from up there is just awesome.

The Little One

The latest addition to my life.
Been eyeing this lil dude since I was in Form 5, about 5 years ago. Finally, our paths has somehow crossed. Due to certain economic situation, the shopkeeper allowed me to bag this guy for slightly less than half the price.
However, I still do not have a name for him/her. I just can't figure tortoises out. I'm not sure if it is a he or a she. Anyways, I'm looking for a name for it. Feel free to contribute your ideas.

somebody's got to do it....

I don't know if I'm wrong, or even right,
I don't know anymore
How much trying do I need to do
To see myself worthy
Even bending light is easier
Somehow things look the same
On both sides of the prism
But we can't even see eye to eye
My view is so different
On your side of the world
The grass seems always browner
On my side of the fence
I can't ask to be understood anymore
I surrender trying
Someone's got to do it
Someone's got to be the sacrifice
Lay down my pride
To keep the peace
I hope you understand

....I'm sorry.
I'm not perfect.

why?

...disappointed...

Cambodia from the sky

Thinking bout Cambodia

What I learned in Cambodia :

• The capital of Cambodia is Phnom Penh ( pronounced as Peh-nom Pen-h ).
• In Malaysia, we call them 'states', in Cambodia, they're called 'provinces'.
• Cambodia is one hour earlier than Malaysia.
• Basically, you don't really refer to the locals as Cambodian, but rather as Khmer ( pronounced as Keh-mair ).
• Everyone speaks Khmer ( refer to pronounciation above ), and most are trying to learn English. Somehow, they know that English rocks! The older folks know a bit of French. I bet they were more romantic at one point in time. jet'aime.
• The two biggest towns in Cambodia are Phnom Penh and Siem Riep. Siem Riep is where Angkor Wat is. For more information of Angkor Wat, go to www.google.com and key in Angkor Wat. Siem Riep is where all the culture is. The locals told me, " If you've not been to Siem Riep, you've not been to Cambodia". Well, I've not been to Cambodia then.
• The word Kampong does exist in Cambodia. It means 'port'.
• The word 'Chup' means 'stop' in Khmer. Guess Coca-Cola imported the word from Cambodia. Chup, Coca-Cola!
• In Cambodia, you use US dollars to get around. For items less than 1USD, you use Riel, their local currency. 1USD = 4000Riel = RM4. Well, almost:P
• Though they were colonised by the French for awhile, the American influnce is really strong. Anyways, they drive left-hand-drive cars on the right-side of the road, the total opposite of Malaysia.
• The roads in Phnom Penh are primarily dirt roads except for the main road, which are tarred. Each stretch of main road is sponsored by some country. The stretch of road that was sponsored by our Malaysian government had the timer system:P *hehe*
• "You think this is your father's road, ah?" applies very much in Cambodia. The roads are mainly filled with motorbikes and it is so congested. However, the traffic is always flowing. But, if someone feels like stopping on the road to talk to his friend, you can't do anything about it. The saying goes : I bang you, I pay. You bang me, I pay also :(
• It was a joy to see Petronas and Maybank and Telekom Malaysia in Cambodia. Not to forget, there was this Klang Boy Bak Kut Teh shop somewhere. Malaysian influence.
• In Malaysia, if you do not have a job when you're older than 25, and not studying, people think you're a bum. In Cambodia, it's common. Most people are too poor to go to university. It's about 100USD a year in university, but they do not have that kind of money to spend. If you can't speak English, it's hard to find a job. 2 main criteria's for landing a job includes : a degree or certificate and English. If you lack one, you can't find a job. That's how it is over there. A lot of people my age are just lepaking everyday, literally!
• Motorbikes are really usefull over there. You can take almost anything with a motorbike. While I was there, these are some of the items I saw being transported on a bike: fridge, washing machine, half-side of an iron gate ( the one that is used for houses), sewing machine ( the big-old-traditional ones ), and alot of other things, including 4 people!
• You don't need a motorbike license. You don't need to pay road tax. You just need to pay the road cops 'coca-cola' money.
• In the village, the houses are not too different from the ones we have in Malaysia, except, there are lots of pigs roaming around.
• In the village, there is no electricity, and it allows you to see the stars at night. It's really beatiful. Imagine, the sky dotted with stars everywhere....everywhere. So clearly. Makes you wonder how it was like when Abraham looked up in the sky when God told him his descendants would be like the stars in the sky. In KL, the skyline is heavy with bright lights. Makes the sky look red all the time, without the stars:(
• It is so 'nice' to bathe at the well, clad only in your underwear, with 2 other close-to-naked guys, in the darkness, lighted only by the stars and the moon overhead.
• It was so hot in the village! So so so HOT! One packet of ice was all we wanted, and God provided an ice-cream man to come along with some iced-drinks.
• Crickets and cicadas and beetles are delicacies over there. They taste like crap and leave a horrible after-taste in your mouth.
• When you go to the market, you will find loads of DVDs that come from Malaysia. Feels like home.
• Eating meat is rich man's food. Eating vegetables are for poor people.
• You can get alot of books that are sold in Malaysia for a fraction of the price. However, they are not the originals. But, eventhough they are copies, they look as good as the originals. I bought a Lonely Planet Cambodian Guide book for 2USD, slightly less than RM8. In MPH, that same book is selling for RM 92.

There is so much more that I can't really recall right now. But when I remember, I'll add to the list.

The Thinking Well

Things currently on my mind now:

1. My friend in UTM is only paying RM800 a semester for his engineering course. In a year, he has only 2 semesters. So, go figure how much he has to pay a year. Unlike him, I have to pay around RM 10k for the same course in MMU. Somehow, I feel poorer even before I start working. Ok, I said, I 'feel'.
2. Been wanting to get a new pc. Didn't know that buying one is so tedious. So much reading up has to be done. Sadly, the new pc I want to get has overshot my budget by about 1k.
3. My supplementary paper...on the 17th of June. Time is running out. I've gone thru so many failures that I don't know what to feel anymore. Feels like my streak to perfection has been terribly tainted.
4. Final Year Project (FYP) - So many titles. So many lecturers. Only one title and one lecturer in the end. I don't know what to choose. They tell me to choose something I like. I would, but what are my chances of getting what I like. The effect of failing a few times has dampened my esteem. I'm so afraid to set my heart on my topic and my lecturer for fear of rejection. Then I have to start the selection process all over again. I'm looking for someone to partner with. Teamwork. But is my past failures a reason why I might do this project alone?
5. Industrial Training - I have no idea what company will hire me, or where I might be placed. I'm excited for it. New environment. My final year. What awaits me?
6. Somehow, I'm still missing Cambodia, for the wrong reasons. Cambodia felt like a place of escape. When I was there, I was away from the routine life of studying. The life of a student. I didn't have to think of my own academic achievements. If only I was back there. I would be happily teaching the kids English and preaching the Word of God. Time isn't right yet. Would love to go back there again though.
7. What happens when I graduate? Will I get a great job? Will I make it big in life?

So many things swimming in my head. So many uncertainties. God, I need to trust You. I need.

Quote for the day :

Pray as if everything depends on God
Work as if everything depends on you

My Lifeline

My fingers clumsily tread the keyboard. Foreign and out of place. It's been a long time since I let my fingers do the talking of my heart. Traces of fear linger. Fear that somebody might be offended. Fear that what I say will be misunderstood as weakness.

This is my life
It's about time I personalised it


My fingers scream from the cuts
Of holding on too dearly
My lifeline used to be a single strong Cord
Unbreakable
As the seasons changed
My cord got thicker and thicker
Lined with perishables
Though thick, it was weak
My hands grew smaller
Among the mass of tangled priorities
My grip weakened
Slipping
The cords were just too many for me to hold
Insecure
Still holding on so tight
A knife had to cut the weaker cords
As it weaved through the air
I cried as I saw one by one
The unimportant chords drop
Those were dear to me
Yet not as important
By the time it was over
Only a few strands were left in my hand
The few major lifelines I had started out initially
I looked at my hands
I saw the scar of the cuts
The cuts from holding on dearly
To the one Cord
Now I remember so clearly
The passion
The desire
The fire
It's about time for ignition
Somehow
The scarred hand seem to grip the cords perfectly
The groove left by the scars
Carefully enveloped each cord
Now I understand

Post-Cambodia Syndrome

I just got back from a Mission Trip to Cambodia. Less than 24 hours after touching down on Malaysian soil, I'm back in the comforts of my Melakan home. Feels good to be home. Miss my family.

Well, now I'm back to the mundane routine of my life. Somehow, I miss Cambodia, I miss the team, I miss the Khmer people, I miss the sights...having 'post-cambodia syndrome'. A part of me still wishes I'm back there again. Being there, you're away from your routined life, and that's more appealing to me. However, the cold reality that I'm back to my normal life is slowly sinking in. I don't know what to expect this holidays. Before my trip, I was looking forward to the remainder of my holidays. Now, I don't feel the same. Guess it has something to do with purpose. When I was there, I sensed purpose. Being back here, I've been disoriented for a bit. Need to find my purpose again.

I've got so much to say about the trips I've been on. But words don't come easy, and people are sometimes not interested with words. So, I'll spill the beans here and there.

For now, all I am feeling is I miss the guys and gals I've slowly grown accustomed to during the 10 days I was at Cambodia. Feeling a little bit empty. Well, to the normal life, here I come!


Cheers to you all! May God continue to be with you.

I said Hey! What's going on!

What's been going on:

4-14 April - Final Exams ( Cyberjaya )
15 April - ended up in Low Yat to claim warranty for dead hard disk ( KL )
16-17 April - CF Committee retreat ( Kajang )
18-21 April - IF Camp 2005 ( Penang )
21-23 April - Penang Trip with some ex-Group 4 people and some tag-along-ers ( Penang )
23-24 April - Taiping Trip - get stuff for missions ( Taiping )
25-30 April - Mission Trip Training ( Melaka )
1 May - ended up lepaking with the FGA ppl having a family camp in Melaka.
2 May - Trip back to Cyberjaya ( Cyberjaya ) Had Prayer Service ( Subang )
3 May - Packed and got ready for the mission trip
4-14 May - Mission Trip to Cambodia ( Cambodia )
15 May - Back in Melaka ( Melaka )

This has been my 'running-around' for the past one month or so. I really need a holiday....