Battlefield journal : Entry 2

Status : defeat

Attacks came last nite. I was unprepared. The moment I ended my prayer, I was hit. God, somehow it feels funny that each time I pray for victory, the exact fearful situation happens, and I react to it...in the wrong way. I lose. I let the enemy's grip tighten. I pray for something, and the exact opposite happens. It's not getting easier. I have friends who stand with me, but for how long? They're human and soldiers like me. They can fall as I do. Where will my hope be then? God, I need You.

Faith fuels my passion to clinch this victory. As I lay in bed, I saw this poster that was given to me by joshua, that said : Faith sees the invisible, Believes the unbelieveable, & Achieves the impossible. And for a moment, I felt hope. I'm gonna win this battle over my life. Am I not in an impossible situation? Then, I need faith to see me through. Faith in a faithful God.

I'm still shaken by the after-effects. How could I have done what I did? It's not me to fall that way. But I did. I'm ashamed. God forgive me.

I'm learning from the Guidebook about the weapons of this warfare.

Ephesians 6:14-18
14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

I've read this so many times. It's time that I geared myself up. The enemy slumbers no more. As I put up a resistance, they know, and they want to break me down. I have to be constantly aware that every moment is a point of defeat or victory.