Remember these tips when you are facing trouble:
1.Hold steady when you are faced with the fire of trials. God is putting steel in your soul.
2.Know that God has your best interest at heart and He loves you.
3.Trust the Lord as he shapes you to be more like Jesus. God is faithful to complete the work He has begun in you.
4.Turn to God, not away from God when you go toe-to-toe with difficulties.
5.Expect God to work all things out for good, even though you can't imagine how that's possible.
As I read that, it touched my heart. It's 2005 already. This paper has been there for 8 years, and after this long, it finally spoke to me.
When I was given this piece of advice back in my schooling days, I had no problems. I'm serious! Everything was going well for me. Whatever obstacles that came my way quickly faded as soon as it sprouted. I was joyful all the time. I never had sadness or depression lasting longer than a day. I fully believed that I WILL not let the sun go down on any conflict. I made my peace before nightfall. All the other problems in life, I didn't have to face. So, for the first 18 years of my life, everything was great. I was able to focus on other people's problems. I was able to help them out. Coz, I was close to problem-free state. I understood pain, only to a certain extent. I understood depression, only in my studies. That's about it. It was a good thing for me. I was able to reach out to those hurting, and be there for them. Since I wasn't bogged down with problems, people could come to me and I could be there for them. So, the piece of paper still stuck on my notice board was not relevant to me then.
But today, as I looked hard at the paper, it was so clear to me why it had stayed on that board till now. After 8 long years, those words speak life to me. How come I've never noticed it before? Ever since I came into uni, my life has been a wave, tossing in the ocean. I've learnt so much, but I've also gone through so much. Such a price to pay for a decent education. I've asked God whether I really had to go through all this s*** to get His point. To learn what I need to survive. At this point in my life, everythings so messed up. Nothing is certain. All the clutter is getting to me. And I think God had to orhestrate all this for me to learn. Maybe He didn't do it. But He allowed it to happen. Maybe. It really sucks when you know you're up against God. You can't win. You can never fight against God and win. And that sucks! I'm learning to not be against Him, but for Him. To be on His side. It's taking awfully long.
I'm in a place where I can't run anymore. I'm in a corner where I know there is no escape. My only hope is surrender. That's what it is now. Coz whatever I do, I know I'm up against the unseen. Whatever I try to take into my hands, it's just too big for me to carry alone. I can struggle all I want, but I won't go anywhere, not even in a million years. I'm in that painful state of learning a hard lesson. To know that whatever you do will bring you nowhere, till you surrender. Doesn't that feel like crap? I'm here, facing God, knowing no matter how much I hate this, I have to surrender. Surrender to Him. To mold me into what He wants me to be. Like breaking a wild horse so that it can be of good use. It's good, but the process is not nice! Trust! That's something I'm here learning. Trust in God, Trusting God. All that. Trust! So hard!
I'm in that corner, apprehended. I've got no choice but to Surrender and then Trust. 2 simple words, yet so deep the implication. I'm struggling to grasp this. It's like holding on to the invisible.
God, help me.
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