My prayer

David Crowder - Deliver Me

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me

All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through

Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing
Oh, deliver me

Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus

Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through

The Discovery of me

I think I'm getting OLD-er.

Christmas, New Year and even Chinese New Year came and went just as quick as a snap of a finger, and I still don't feel a thing. As if it went right over my head. Maybe I'm feeling old too fast. It's sad how the little boy that's always meant to stay young at heart withers with age.

Anyways, I always learn new things each time I come home. This time round, I found out that I do have Malay blood in me....though diluted over the generations. All the while, I was naive to think that as a Baba, ( the girls, we call them Nyonya ) I was Chinese with Malay customs and traditions intertwined with the Chinese one. However, I did muster the courage to ask my grandaunt over the CNY dinner about my background.

Apparently, when Puteri Hang Li Por from China landed on Malaysian soil, ( it was called Tanah Melayu, then ) she brought with her a whole entourage consisting of maid-servants and soldiers and a few other not-so-important-in-my-story people. These soldiers took for themselves the local women ( who were the Malays ) as their wives. From this inter-marriage of the foreign Chinese and local Malays, we get the Straitsborn ( orang Peranakan ) tribe....if you can call it a tribe. This group of people flourished mainly in 3 states : Malacca, Penang and Singapore. Their customs were a rich mixture of Chinese and Malay influence. Till today, you can still see the 2 elements pervasive in their local tradition and practice. Back then, however, it wasn't necessary for the conversion of religion as well. So I have been spared of circumcision...which could have been a good thing for me:P

I also found out that my grand-uncle actually traced back his roots to the first generation of Mainland China Chinese who landed on Malaysian soil. He is the 7th generation. Therefore, with simple calculation, I am the 9th generation Chinese from Mainland China. That's a pretty long time.

All in all, I am a mix-ed kid. Not your typical Chin-dian or Chinese mix Orang Putih, but still mixed somehow.

At last!

Finally! I'm DONE with my Industrial Training! What a huge load of boredom of my back. I've never been one to be bored with anything. There's always something to look forward to. But, when I started work, I couldn't help but feel bored with my job. Guess my immunity is wearing thin. To be honest, the work was easy....just that it was way too repeated and monotonous.

I really do not understand why God placed me in this company. I'm still trying to find out. Maybe in time.

But there are some things/people that I will miss from my company.

For one, are my fellow interns from MMU Melaka. They'll be heading back...after 3 months being here in Cyberjaya. (btw, it's not too late to apply for campus transfer:P) Gonne miss you guys:( 3 months of being together really rubs on you.

Second, are the nice and friendly Supervisors and Team Leaders. They give out jobs mercilessly...but somehow, they're still kind. It's weird. Gonna miss the lunch breaks we used to have together.

Third and last, those 19-inch Flat LCD screen monitors:(


With ITP out of the way, I'm ready to celebrate the Chinese New Year. But, at the back of my mind, I know that my ITP report and presentation is just around the corner...not to forget, the return of the terrible FYP! *sigh*

Happy Ang-Pow collecting this year people!

Completion

3 MORE DAYS.... before I end my Industrial Training. Sounds like liberation? Close, but not so:) Most of my friends are already done with theirs. Some even 2 weeks ago. I still have to work. It kinda saps out the mood for working. bah!


On a better note. I'm almost done with my song. 95 % complete. Still a 5% to tweak and improve on. The best part, I manage to show it to my band mates and we jammed the song. Got an encouraging review. I thought I might as well put it up here. This is just the lyrics. I hope to put up the recorded song on here as well, but I need to learn how to go about it first.

Here goes:

Sitting in my room
Looking at the map of all the failures I’ve been thru
Seems like a theme park
Looking for answers I can’t seem to find
Is happiness this world offers
The most important kind

Life is for living
Life is for giving it all away
When the time comes around
Let the crumbs fall where they may
I’m starting again from here

I’m on my way to finding out that life’s not meant to be this way
I see your face smiling down on me
It’s gonna be just my day
Holding on to You
And everything that’s perfectly true
It’s time for me to fall again
Into catch-ful arms I know I will find
What I’m searching for

I hate it that I'm neither here, neither there
But You, you're everywhere
Feels like a dream I can’t wake out from
When everything seems meaningless there You are

I’m on my way to finding out that life’s not meant to be this way
Sometimes I think the future’s so bright
I gotta wear my shades
Holding on to You
And everything that’s perfectly true
It’s time for me to fall again
Into catch-ful arms I know I will find
What I’m looking for

That's about it for now. Hope it speaks something to you.
The sun is rising soon. Going to greet it:)

Ps: I really miss some of you terribly. You...Yes you!

Processing 70%

Firstly, thank you so much for all your input.
The song writing process is currently underway, with the song reaching 70% to completion. Almost done, with some bits and pieces to be polished up.

Secondly, it is most unfortunate to inform you that I'm not a very skilled song-writer to incorporate all your quotes and phrases into the song. I also regret that I do not understand Hokkien, or any other Chinese dialects for that matter. However, I've found almost each phrase unique, even the Hokkien ones, with the exception of the 'burp'...and I've crystalized them in my 'colorful' book of phrases. These quotes will be reviewed now and then, till an inspiration to write another song comes along. I really hope that I can use them in future.

My initial plan was to combine everything and form a song out of it. But, the connotation of each entry was different from each other. And I felt I would do injustice to each phrase if I just squeezed them all together for the sake of using everything. Some of the entries had a different feel from the other. And it would be a comedy to see the end product. With Hokkien in the picture, it's bizarre. Some had a more serious tone while others a more lighter feel.

So, do forgive me if I have not used your input this time round. I do hope you understand. Nevertheless, I really appreciate every single entry...except for the 'burp', and I really wanna thank you for sharing with me your thoughts. I would post up again any other song inspired by the other phrases when the time comes.

Thank you. And stay tuned.

a penny for your thoughts

While driving back to Melaka, I had this idea.
Why not write a song with the 'voices' of the people around you.
I'm in the midst of writing my own songs.
So for this project, I'd like to hear what you guys want to say....at least for this song.

So whatever phrases or words you would like to hear...or there's something personal you wud like to be heard, just drop a feedback. A word, a quote ...anything... except something vulgar or obscene.
I would try to fit it into the song. When I'm done, I'll post it up.

I dunno what's the success rate of this. But here's a wild shot:)

God bless.

Click on Comments for this journey to begin;)

just for one

This year, I want to be a HAPPIER:)

*cheers*

2006 : the better man

*2006 : Restoration *

What does 2006 mean to me:
Another Opportuniy to encounter countless other Opportunities

It's time to rebuild what I once started, but have abandoned when the storms came raging:ME.
The quest to develop a character of gold and a personality that shines brighter than diamonds.
The persuit of excellence: developing the treasures I've been given, secretly hidden.
The reason to let go failures of past, but to remember the lessons learnt.
The mission of finding myself and my destiny in the cracks of brokenness.

Life is getting shorter with each passing year, what am I doing with my life?
There are still missing puzzle pieces. There are still unanswered 'why's.
Life goes on without blinking as humans do.

I have come to terms that life is never perfect. I have lost my innocence and simplicity. I have lost my joy and my smiles. They now come with a price. I am rediscovering my identity. Still, life goes on. And Hope and Love and Joy can be found within the crevices of life's disasters. There is a God, and He sees all things.

I am thankful that no tsunamis happened this time round. I can't help but look at myself and wish I had bucketloads of smiles to give away. Why am I so downcast? Why is my spirit heavy? Scars of disappointments still run deep. I had half hoped those invisible emotional aches would spontaneously disappear as the clock signalled the turn of the year, and replaced with unconditional joy and laughter. But it didn't happen.

The new year's message for me is, it is my choice to be happy. It's a revelation. I needed to hear that. I thank you, friends, who have seen me through my good and my bad. And still accept me as who I am. Who have endlessly never stopped loving me and persued this friendship. Those who have seen me fall and fail miserably, but have helped pick me up instead of trodding over me. I hope to find myself again, or a better version of me.

My gift to You this coming year, is the promise to try, to shine brighter and live louder.

I surrender all.

Wrapping up 2005

It's coming. The clock counts 6 hours from now.
But, the year went by too fast.
I still remember the Tsunami Disaster just like it was yesterday.
To me, it was a mere blink of the eye, and 2005 is history.

I have no idea what 2006 holds, but I know the One who holds 2006.

Don't mean to be negative and depressive. But 2005 has been a year of disappoinments. Even before 2005 kicked in, I was already laden with excess baggage. And I began the year with a terrible 'thud' to the floor.

No doubt, I had numerous blessings to count as well. I experienced favor. I tasted mercy. But the scars of disappointments still run deep. Disappointment with people and situations.

I contemplated a quiet 'celebration' to usher in the new year. Alone in my room.

But opportunity arose for a New Year's Service. So I'll be going.

Blessed New Year to all!! And A New Hope to Everyone.

God Bless.

* failure *

* failure*

I've tried so hard and given my best....only to fail....over and over gain.
I must be doing something wrong somewhere. The pieces don't fit.
How do I live for the moment, when I carry this burden?
I doubt myself sometimes.
What good can come out of me?
I like the life I'm living...till I see the black mark that covers everything.
And I wonder, am I that worth it?
I'm sorry...
And sorry may not be worth much...
But that's all I have
I hope someday, I would have been worth it all

De-motivators : The harder you try, the dumber you look.

Lord, forgive me.

How can I make a difference where I am with what I have?

It's been a week, no, exactly 10 days since the last day of NC. Time does fly. And to be honest, I don't have the 'spiritually high' feeling anymore. Camp goers would understand that after a camp, most people would feel 'motivated', and depending on individuals, these feelings would wear off sooner or later. And that's when reality sinks in; that you cannot rely on feelings to keep you motivated in your spiritual journey. I've been to so many camps in my life to know that it won't last forever.

For me, the 'feeling' wore off the moment I reached the foothill of Genting Highlands. As I looked over the city, reality sat in almost immediately, as if waking from a dream. And after a week, nothing much in my life has changed. Situations are the same. People around me are also the same. It shows that after a spiritual experience, nothing changes if you don't make the effort to change the physical realm. I believe that my heart has been touched and moved. But the changes inside won't show unless changes also takes place on the outside. I'm not so naive to think that things will automatically be nice and rosy immediately.

For starters, it came to mind to make the best of what I have in this life. Each person has been born into different situations. And it's our call to make the most of what we have. The parable of the talents in the Bible speaks of it.

How can I make a difference where I am with what I have?

Here's a list of what I've got:

1. 2 hands ( working well the last time I checked it)
2. 2 feet (check)
3. 2 eyes
4. 2 ears
5. 1 mouth ( almost said 2)
6. 1 heart
7. A great family
8. A decent-enough education
9. Great friends around ( you peeps have been awesome blessings )
10. A car
11. A guitar
12. An electric guitar
13. Ability to play he guitar and piano
14. 1 life to live

Well, now that I started thinking...the list goes on. But I'd stop here.

Now, for what I can do:

...........

that's for another time.

ac

National Conference 2005 - PuduRaya

I call this 'bus stop' - PuduRaya. ( I heard a small wave of laughter. Maybe they thought I was pulling off another stunt )

It's such an unbiblical name, but somehow this word was impressed on my heart as I searched within me for a name to call this place of spiritual renewal. As the name came to mind, the reason for it followed soon after.

I came to this conference, looking for directions. It's not long before I graduate, and the question of where do I start my working carreer has been brewing. I always told myself to return to my roots-Melaka. I've seen so many of my seniors leave Melaka, never to return, settling down in the major cities around. Only a few faithful have returned to rebuild of what's left. Maybe God called the others elsewhere. But I always had this impression to return back.

The attraction of city life has got a hold of me somehow. I like it here in Cyberjaya/Subang/PJ. I like the current church I'm in, to the point I feel so comfortable, I don't want to leave. I like the entertainment this places have to offer me. And, I'm thinking that maybe I could be an influence in a place like this....maybe.

I wanted to know what God wanted to do in my life. To stay or return. But I got more than I bargained for. As I sat through each session, only a few words spoke to me, in the sea of words that were streaming out. Those few words hit me like bullets. Another option that came my way was to start anew in a small town somewhere, any town smaller than Melaka. The kind of town that raise a question mark in people's mind whenever they are mentioned.

I had wanted to start with a decent job, buy a house, get married and settle down with some kids and have the usual 2 cars kind of family, living in some high class suburbs. Having a decent...if not luxuries form of lifestyle. But I was challenged to give that up. I don't really know how to put it. I guess some people are called to the cities, some are called to smaller towns, and some to the villages, and some to the rest of the world. But for me, it's anywhere that God calls me to. The catch is, I shouldn't get too attached to the lifestyle I'm living. Or more accurate, worldly wealth. It's alrite if God blesses me with material things, but I shouldn't get too attacehd to it. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.

Back to PuduRaya. I see this particular Bus Terminal in the heart of KL as a center point for all travellers. People going in and out all the time. People who represent Malaysia. People who do not know God. And compared to KLIA or KL Sentral, PuduRaya is one shabby, dirty looking, run down place. It speaks to me of a different kind of lifestyle that I want to live. The personal question was whether I was willing to give up the luxuries of KLIA and KL Sentral for a place like PuduRaya. It was a reminder that places like this need Jesus too.

It scares me to think of giving it all up. But the Bible speaks of not going after earthly treasure where moth and rust destroy, but storing heavenly riches. And people like Dr Thomas Chung and Dr Loh Kim Cheng, and even Ps. Kenneth have showed an example to me; Giving up their professional careers to serve God. They are my heroes.

And I'm still thinking and waiting........

*zip*

itting here in my room....after 8 days straight of working....just to compensate for National Conference (NC). Prior to that, I had a 9 day spree of work as well. Really exhausting. I got so much to say, but the sappy connection here is killing my ideas....while I wait for anything to load. So much for broadband. The only thing that's getting broad is my patience.

NC is about a day away from now. I waited for this for so long. Now, it's here already. I still have yet to pack. But I'm too sluggish to get a move on. I'm so excited for it, yet afraid. I don't know why.

I'm so looking forward to it...if only I could start packing

This is the phrase that speaks about me right now. It has a double meaning. For one, it speaks about my preparedness for NC. I'm so ready and wanting to go. But I have yet to start packing. On the other hand, it speaks about my life. I'm so wanting to dive into Life and see what treasures it holds for me. But I've got some open baggages that needs to be packed up. And get going.
The picture: A man with a shirt and tie on, still wearing his boxers and socks, fumbling with his trousers and a bag with clothes spilling everywhere at his feet. And people are just walking on by.....

I shud get going. Work really sucks the life out of you.
To those who are feeling the pinch of life's reality now, I hope you understand that you're not alone. So don't be arrogant to think you're the only person going through shit. Other's have gone through much worse, while you sat there thinking what the crap is wrong with these people...why can't they just move on and get on with life. I hope the next time the words 'Move on' is said, it's said out of love rather than irritated ignorance.

A few things keep me sane. And it's my tortoises. I don't know why, but the simplicity of their lives gives me hope that if God could give these creatures peace, He can give me peace too. I got another one as well, a present from my family. Will post pictures soon.

Good night world.

I lost count

DAY 30 something

It's a Saturday, and I'm working. That's the nature of my job. Can't really complain. However, what i learn from this working experience is that, when you are working, time really flies.

The last entry about work was Day 11. Now, I've already lost count. Today is the 19th of November. 2 days ago, on the 17th, is one month of my working here. 1 MONTH!!!! just like that.....

Before I started my training, I told myself that since I'm not going to be studying, I wanted to do this and that. And being in a working environment, I tought I could pull off some of the stuff. Unfortunately, the days pass by so quickly, and it's already a month. I only manage to do some of the things I wanted to within that time. Quite disappointing.

Work really saps the life out of you. For me, I have to work 9 hours a day. And after a long days's work with only and hour break in between, I'm so beat-up I just feel like a zombie.Unlike some of my counter-parts in other companies, I don't have the luxury of 'lepaking' in the office everyday. I wish I had time to surf around and chit chat in the office. But in here, it's a factory....data factory. We work from the moment we get in till we sign off. Of coz there are laughters and jokes in between....which is crucial for our sanity, but there is no time for us to sit idle and do our own thing.

When I get back from work, I tell myself I wanna pick up my guitar, or maybe write a new song, or catch up with old friends, or just doing something important. But all I do when I step into my room is to unwind and let go. It's either watch a movie or play a game. By the time it's over, it's time to sleep. That's the life. Routine and mundane. I'm so thankful for people around. At least I get to have dinner with some of the juniors and remaining trainees. It keeps me connected. Otherwise, it'll just be me and the world.

Now I understand why some people just lose passion for living and life once they start working. They get caught up in the rat-race. I really hope I don't have to face that.........

work beckons.

thoughts

at work now....jsut got this phrase...no where to save...so save here


we disect the conversation
wishing we knew the truth
later we regret
wishing in bliss for the ignorance
the chance when we could have
avoided the bitter truth
tasting sweet lies instead
how twisted we become
when love does not fill the void

DAY 11

DAY 11

I've been wanting to have a day-to-day update of my working experience,but I've been surprisingly caught up with loads of work and other events.

I can't say I'm so caught up with work...but I can't seem to see the days just fly pass even quicker. Without much realisation, it's been 11 days of work! Felt like I've been in this 'working' environment for ages.

The first few days were pretty boring. I would come to the office, and there was nothing to be done. And I realised that sitting for 5 hours doing absolutely nothing is more tiring that doing something. Being stuck in the office, with no work to do ( lack of training then) made me pick up my friend's Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown up to read...just to pass time. Since then, I was hooked. At least it helped me through those boring few days.

The worst was on Sunday the first week! I wanted to go to church, but I had work. But at work...they didn't have anything for us to do. So I sat there doing nothing....A day just wasted like that:( And it was a Sunday! Sigh. But I was thankful that I had The Da Vinci Code to read. Really made time go by smoothly.

When work came, boy, it came by the dozens! The first day when work started pouring in was like this: Step into the office, given a stack of 'jobpacks', and before I knew it, it was time to go home. It has been like that for the past few days I've been here. Just keying in data into the system. Easy, but monotonous. It's so robotised. Even my boss said that. But what to do. Just learning how to relate to ppl and learn up as much as I can, eventhough it's nothing related to engineering. The work over here comes as much as you can do. Do slowly, you get less work, Do quickly, you might just get more to do. But I've been pushing myself to do as much as I can, even if it means that mroe work will be added to me. I just want to give my best shot.

My great 'enemy' here is the afternoon-lunch-slumber. I battle is everytime after a hearty lunch. That's why a student's life is somewhat better. If you're sleepy, you can choose to skip class for sleep. But you can't do that when you are working. There are times I'm forcing myself to keep awake and go and with entering data....halfway thru, I doze off rite on the keyboard. And all my data will be gibberish.

So far, the bonding here is goign on pretty well.

On another thought, I'm currently reading(read) 2 books, with both the main character having the same name : Sophie. Coincidental. And both has some roots in philosophy and mystery.

It's a sweet name.

My time is up. I'm off for home now.

Missing so many people now...they're all so far away...but I wonder if they're missing me to.

My first day!

DAY 1

MY Industrial Training (IT) is in Cyberjaya itself, at P2I Online. It's a US based company with a workforce of about 60 plus people. We are known as P2I KL, the Malaysian branch of this international company.

Today, work started at 9am. All the trainees, 11 of us, were placed in a room, something like a conference room. I had the feeling that the make-shift conference-looking room was going to be the 'office' for the 11 of us, for the next 15 weeks. Well, it is so. Good news is, each of us will be getting our own personal pcs, shipped in all the way from the US. And, I can just imagine the scenario of our 'office'; 11 pcs all side by side, somewhat like a cybercafe, with 11 people in it, in a tiny place. But it looks pretty decent to me:)

The thing is, we might have to work shifts. The 2 slots offered for trainees are the 9am-6pm and the 11am-8pm shifts. So, not all 11 will be in the 'office' at the same time. I kinda feel segregated from the rest of the company. The permanent workers are in another part of the building, just beside our 'office'. They each have a cubicle.

Basically, we sat for an hour till someone came and attended to us. We didn't really know each other much, but the small talk kinda broke the ice for most of us. Now I'm really motivated to learn up mandarin. All the chinese trainees were conversing in mandarin. I had to pick up bits and pieces here and there.

For today, there were only 5 available pcs. We were given a short briefig about what the company does and some of the rules and regulations of the company. After that, we were left alone again. Then in came one of the Team Leader who pride himself with wanting to 'make our life miserable'. But he was just the opposite:P He gave a briefing of what was to be done...something like a crash course. And told us to go off for lunch. We were all hungry and talking about lunch way before lunch time. hehe. Guess this will be a typical scenario.

Like most owrking people in Cyberjaya, we found ourselves having lunch at the bus-station...also known as the 'terminal', as I just found out. Anyways, 10 of us trainees ate together. I bumped into a few other trainees from other companies. It was a weird sight.

After lunch, we were left alone again....for a long time. I had time to surf and chat till I was bored. And when I was on the verge of sleeping, in came out Team Leader and he carried on with the other part of our work. By then ,I was dozing off. Everything seems to be a blur. On a normal day, I would probably skip class to go sleep. But I can't skip work. So there I was, in and out of reality for a bit. We had a countdown from 4pm. Work ended at 6. While we waited, a guy came to the company's lobby and started unloading boxes upon boxes of Dell Pcs. I saw, 'Box 1 of 11'. There were 11 new pcs shipped in all the way from Bethlehem, USA to Cyberjaya, Selangor. I hope that those 11 new pcs are for each one of us:)

Again we were left alone. Doing nothing. At 5, the TL came in again and talk some more. I was eyeing the clock till it was 6pm. Felt like a skool kid again, waiting at the door, ready to rush out of class....just for that moment when the bell rang.

Pros and cons of this company:

Pros:
-Starts late, at 9am.Sometimes, 11am. Therefore, can sleep in a but more and have breakfast before work.
-10 mins drive from home.
-5 days a week.
-A decent allowance.
-Friends I know working with me
-Flexible lunch time.
-Easy work.
-Own personal pc.

Cons:
-Work full 15 weeks. Will have 3 days of rest before I enter 3rd trimester, while some have 3 weeks off....nearly a month of holidays before they start classes.
-My off days are during mid-week. Therefore, while the majority of the world is having weekends to rest....I'll be working. So I can't chill out with the rest of my friends. and that sucks.
-In a month, I only get one weekend off, due to the rotating shift system. This will allow me to church only once a month:( and this sucks even more:( The timing is such that I can rush to church but still not make it back for work:( or work will end too late. It sucks not being able to go to church:(( Suddenly, I feel my right to go to church has been taken from me!


That's about it for now. Been jogging the past 2 days. Gotta build up my stamina:)
Tomorrow is a brand new day:)
Enjoys!

Someone's been there huh?

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it oepns up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

-neil gaiman-

Writing my Life's opus

Just watched Mr. Holland's Opus. It's a pretty old movie, but not that old. Maybe around the mid 90's. ( Wow! I feel old...I could actually say that line...'in the 90's'). I have watched this movie before back then. Somehow, this movie wasn't so popular. Not many people watched it. I've been looking for it but not able to find it. I found the dvd stashed somewhere in my sister's movie collection. Boy, was I surprised. So I popped it in the player...just what I needed.

The first time I watched it, I loved it. I can't remember the details....as time went on, I slowly forgot the details of the movie, but all I could remember was that it was an inspiring movie and it inspired me alot. The kind of movie that speaks close to the heart and ends with you feeling motivated and inspired to do something with your life. In this movie, it revolves around music. A man and his music.

If you have watched Music Of The Heart...it's something like that. But I don't remember much of it also. The blur images of Susan Sarandon and violins and kids and music. That's about it.

Anyways, this is a review of the movie I managed to find on the internet.

Author: bppihl from Normal, Illinois

I remember seeing "Mr. Holland's Opus" for the first time in high school. I liked it then, and still do. Films about teaching often involve tough kids and less than ideal teachers, among other things. I have to say this film is an exception. Mr. Holland is an inspiration in so many ways that he does not realize or even want to acknowledge. It is also a story that could have taken place and that some people can relate to. This is why I enjoyed it so much.

Mr. Holland has a dream of composing a very memorable and moving symphony, and to ultimately be "rich and famous." But working odd jobs in pursuit of his dream doesn't appeal to him. Reluctantly, he takes a day job as a high school music teacher to support the family and at first hates it. His students are not motivated to learn through readings and tests, and do not respond well to the music of Bach. When he finds they love rock and roll, he integrates this into the curriculum, much of the disapproval of the administration, who believe "rock and roll by its very nature leads to a breakdown in discipline." He teaches and mentors many students over the years, from a clarinet student who doubts her talent and feels inferior to her musically talented family, to a wrestler who becomes a drummer, and a talented singer with her eye on him who wants to go to Broadway despite any barriers. Whether or not he knows it, Mr. Holland inspires them to do something worthwhile.

Despite his love and talent for teaching, Mr. Holland cannot develop this same level of rapport and love with his wife Iris and son Cole, who is deaf. His desire for Cole to appreciate music is outweighed by Cole's inability to hear and his father's reluctance to help him. Cole learns sign language from his teachers and mother predominantly. Mr. Holland appears to be the kind of person who detests imperfection of any kind, and this strains his familial relationships. Gradually, though, he learns to accept and deal with these challenges, and becomes more loving and appreciative.

I recommend "Mr. Holland's Opus" for musicians, singers, music teachers, and really everyone. Enjoy the show!

And while watching it, there were some memorable quotes, at least to me.

Glenn Holland: Which instrument do you think you'd like to play?
Louis Russ: Well, I was kinda thinkin' like... How about electric guitar?
Glenn Holland: Well, this is a marching band. The extension cord will kill us.

Principal Jacobs: A teacher has two jobs; fill young minds with knowledge, yes, but more important, give those minds a compass so that that knowledge doesn't go to waste.

Vice Principal Wolters: I care about these kids just as much as you do. And if I'm forced to choose between Mozart and reading and writing and long division, I choose long division.
Glenn Holland: Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want, Gene. Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about.

Mr. Glenn Holland: The day they cut the football budget in this state, that will be the end of Western Civilization as we know it!

Louis Russ: Tubas are for fat guys with pimples.

Glenn Holland: Play the sunset.

Iris Holland: I don't know what he wants, I don't understand what he's trying to say. Don't you get it? You walk to school every day with all these children who are normal. I can't talk to my son! I don't know what he wants or what he thinks or what he feels. I can't tell him that I love him, I can't tell him who I am. I want to talk to my son! I don't care what it costs, I don't care what the stupid doctor says it's right or wrong. I want to talk to my son!

Vice Principal Gene Wolters: Rock 'n' roll by its very nature leads to a breakdown in discipline.
Glenn Holland: Stravinsky was the music of the Russian Revolution! Talk about a breakdown in discipline!

And this is my personal favourite:

Gertrude Lang: Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life.


As I was watching the show, I was deep in thought as well. A lot of people want to find significance in their lives. I thought I was the only one. But I was proved otherwise. Time and again, we see it in the movies and also in real life; people striving to leave a mark, to make an impact, to start a movement, to orchestrate a change, to cause a revolution, to stir a generation, to create history.... These are the things that are inborn in most of us. Significance! Purpose! Destiny!

But unfortunately, many give up along the way before achieving their dreams. Some are eliminated due to some stupid accident caused by errant individuals. It's so sad to read the news today. So many bad news. I can understand about naatural disasters. But matters that are caused by man's greed and pride is extremely heart-breaking because it could have been avoided. What is mankind coming to?

I was thinking of my life. What have I achieved? I've been a Christian more than 10 years...what have I done with it? I've been playing the piano for more than 10 years too....why haven't I mastered it and become a prefessional. The same goes for the guitar. I've been playing it for 10 years....why can't I pull off a solo and become a guitar master? With my musical background...why haven't I achieved a dream of starting a great band?

I'm still learning how to look at the silver lining of the clouds. Across the globe...people are dying everyday, while here I am, thinking about stuff that is not so crucial. What's the matter with me.

Now

The holidays are here! But I won't be able to enjoy them. While the rest of the uni students are going wild with a 5-week break ( 2nd longest holiday in MMU history ), most of the people in my year and faculty will be gearing ourselves for our Industrial Training (IT). Just a few weeks prior, I was so excited about tasting work...maybe I was looking forward to something other than my exams. Exams have come and gone, and IT is staring right at me. Somehow, I'm suddenly unprepared. The feeling of waiting so much for something, and when the times does come, you're just not ready. That's what I'm feeling right now.

It's a sudden step from studying to working. I've gone to get my working clothes...those long sleeved shirts and black slacks with black leather shoes. I'm not sure if I have to wear that everyday though. The last call to my employer gave me the idea that casual clothing is in....except for slippers and shorts and singlets. In that case, I might not have to don on the 'smart' outfit after all. But I'll just wear it for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.

I'm working for P2I Online. Still reading up about this company. I got the feeling it's more of an IT company instead of engineering. As far as I know, I have to work 5 days a week only, but this includes Saturday and Sundays. Meaning, that in a week, I should have 2 off days, which could be any 2 days. So my weekends might not be the usual Saturday and Sunday. To top that up, I will be working shifts since my company is an American company. So night shift and day shift...gonna get messed up real bad.

Good news is....I'm getting paid a decent amount, and I don't have to shift out of my current home, coz it's based in Cyberjaya. Should be a 5 minute drive to my work place.

On other news, I was just chilling with a bunch of friends over the weekend. It's a real fun thing to do...something I've not been doing in a long while because of my hectice lifestyle. We just 'lepaked' around the mall doing nothing. No agenda, no plans. The life after exams! After awhile, we talked about old times: Alpha year, the crap stuff we would do, how LOA we were, the liberalistic us doing whacky stuff we could imagine, the conflicts, the weirdos, yadayada.

Made me realize: We are getting old-er. Felt like veterans talking bout the good 'ol days. Time sure flies. 4 years just like that. *zip*. I still remember my first day in uni.My first orientation. My first day in class. My first bunch of pre-U buddies. My first girl friend. My first CF meeting. My first argument. My first outdoor experience. My first class ruckus. My first class drama. My first Cyberjaya excursion. My first gig. My first win. My first move to Cyberjaya. My first hostel room.....all that wrapped up in 5 years. Very soon I'll be stepping into the working world. It's got me thinking about my life again.

I got about 4 days in Melaka before I go back to Cyberjaya to face work. Hope that leaves me with enough time to evaluate my life, once again.

Some of my current thoughts:

1. People change. Even myself. And not always for the better. The only consant is : change. How ironic. Sometimes I want to cling on to what I've always known. It gets harder to let go of familiarity sometimes.

2. I don't know that much. I still lack knowledge in so many areas. I thought that my coming to Uni will open my eyes. Well, it did. But open eyes is nothing when my stomach is still empty...in this case, my brain. There is so much I would like to know and understand : society, economics, technology, politics, religion.....issues that I would have to face one day.
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3. .......*brain-jam*